Intro 3/9/15 : Need to Reboot

Im 32. I've been looking at internet pornography since I was 15. I've gone a few weeks or a month here and there without looking at it but it always becomes the default dominant feature of my life . It is the only way I really know how to deal with stress. Like many people on this forum my use has escalated. Sometimes I spend 5-6 hours a day at multiple sittings surfing tube clips and masterbating. The stuff I need to look at to get aroused has escalated as well. Things I never imagined I could ever find anything but disgusting, - transwoman, femdom, incest, - have become things I need to consume daily to feed this compulsion and manage the intense anxiety that comes part and parcel with it.

The depression and anxiety that I have, combined with the social isolation those symptoms cause, and the loss of huge amounts of free time is just making life unbearable. I cant focus. I have a hard time making eye contact. My self-esteem is gone. My brain feels likes it is under a foggy haze. I cant stick with routine and accomplish goals I set out for myself. I am a zombie. My relationships with family and friends are suffering. My sleep is of poor quality. Generally I feel awful most of the time.

Like a number for posters I have developed psychopathology- depression, anxiety, OCD like symptoms - that I believe is directly a result of habitual porn use. I've tried to stop many times but I've never been a part of a community like this. I need to do this now, I want to do this now. I want a life filled with friends and accomplishments. Life ruled by this compulsion is a living death.

 

Thanks for the encouragement. Having this forum has been a huge help already. One of the worst things about this addiction has been the isolation. Getting support and understanding by reading and posting has really been of huge benefit. Thank you again.