So I have a GF I only see on weekends and holidays for 5 years now, I really love her, she's my first GF and I lost my virginity to her. BUT I feel like I missed experiences with different woman, I had some odd "relationships" in my youth to other girls, but I never even kissed them or did anything beyond that. Just a lot of cuddling and even that was so incredibly amazing back then. I knew from the beginning that my GF is not really my type from just looking, but I really can't live without her, because she is an amazing person and, less important but still, it's hard to find someone (on first try, at least!) that shares my "perversions" (nothing too awkward). So my 1st question is: Will NoFap result in finding her more attractive? I only see her every weekend and I will only have problems with NoFap during the week where I am alone and have a lot spare-time. It has only been 2 days of abstinence and I already feel how my motivation to drive to her on Friday has risen extremely and I'm sure I will explode as soon as I enter her room. Will this motivation increase even more? (Yes a 2 day timeout is already a long time for me.) Last Question: Will O in GF reduce this motivational effect or will it grow back (or even get stronger) from every monday on? Before I forget that: She cheated on me 2 times with 2 different guys, one random internet guy and one of her EX-BFs, around our first year "anniversary" and I knew that she was somewhat unhappy with me but I just couldn't help her because I was so unexperienced at such an intime relationship with a girl. And this incident got me started thinking about that missed experiences extremely, also because she already had 4-5 guys before me. I'm sure that she will never do that again because she sees how my depression started to get really worse during that time and still is. So far, Protein.
Yes she will become more attractive physically after abstaining from PMO... As for O with GF I couldn't tell you... I haven't gotten laid doing true nofap, but just abstaining from P.
The chicks im into dont like a downer at all. That may be why she lied to you, because that other guy is probably not at all the sensitive type. Girls generally want someone better than them. My sweetheart from middle school also had way more hormones than me, and one day I realized all she wants to be was pregnant by any means. Thats why I let her be after I noted how we didn't see eye to eye. Bottom.line is were men bro the world is ours nigga you get it if you want to.
I would cut her quick. If she cheated twice and you have not really been with anyone else you deserve way better. Take a couple months off a relationship and follow something that intrests you. Learn a new language or play an instrument. Make some new friends and get in their circles. It's hard to imagine because as terrible as your situation is you feel like it wouldbe uncomfortable to leave it. Get out of there!
Hey brother, you maybe won't like my words but I have to agree with Seamonkey. She has cheated on you TWICE (at least) and if you trust in her not cheating again because of YOUR depression that's extremely dangerous and honestly I don't think this will end well. You seem to be a very fine guy but you're only 22 so there is A LOT life ahead of you, a lot of things to experience, a lot of new people to get connected with and so on. Cut the things that are bad for you and become a man. Staying away from PMO is a great first step but you have a lot more to do. Best wishes and stay strong !!
Yep, the others said it all. I was only cheated on once, and I forgave the girl. It was around at our 1 year anniversary and we stayed together for almost another year. While I did not regret forgiving her, it was definitely a mistake, and should I'd be in the same position I wouldn't hesitate for a split second, and would dump her with no way back. BTW she was my first big love, so emotions were running wild and crazy...but it just doesn't worth it. And if she is not even your type...
Ok guys, already 1 week of NoFap shows impressive results. She looked much hotter and I had really destructive erections. I really think that NoFap is the most underrated thing in existence, holy crap! This might be a first-week-rush but it feels like it will stay this way. Thanks for all your answers, I thought about it and I will decide what to do in some months. Right now I'm too overwhelmed by the NoFap-effect.
Hey Protein! Thanks for making a honest post to my thread and texting me... Our stories are really... really simmilar I just want to tell you - it's really dangerous to think she's never going to cheat you again just because your depression... And you should think about breaking up with her, since she cheated you twice... and you actually kind of emotionally blackmail her to not to do that, i would really think about it... twice For your lost youth issue - There is no such a thing in your case - You are flippin' 22 years old. All your actions were just drawing coarse shapes of your life so far. Think about all of those ppl who are writing about finding themselves in early 40's. Life is beautiful and in every age there is a chance of changing barelly everything... And big sorry to romantics - Relationship is nothing really stable... so there is chance of finding love in every age... not based on your XP... but back to your GF! From therapeutical perspective - it could be dangerous to stay with her since she connects you to everything your life has included last 5 years (And mostly connects you to PMO, sadly). Let's assume she is going to cheat on you again. What follows? You will get depressed as shit. You will be mad at her --> Hence you will probably relapese (Thinking of emotional stability i Need to sustain in NoFap challenge clear - and it's just day 5 for me ) If you relapse your depression could get worse. And this all shitty circle has just two endings - You break up (Which few people already told you to do so) - You forgive her again (And make yourself vulnerable to all this shit again) Let's get pros and cons here You know her and feel good with her You are used to her, her weirdness You are 22, no other XP with girls (This is Really big thing, but not necessarily bad - hence it's neutral) She cheated on you She is not your type It's kind of a blackmail to want her not to cheat on you for third time because of your health If that happens - Your health will get worse If that happens - You will probably relapse in PMO issue If you stay with her you won't "win" - there is either the neutral exit of being single or you'll go through it for the fourth time She cheated on you TWICE For every cheat - read the coloured text twice and rethink. Stay strong my friend and good luck with this... it's not going to be easy. PS: Please don't be mad at me if i've been to straight forward... I know it's very emotional for you - But now i just see a girl who can harm my fellow NoFapper and new friend.
Man thanks for your super long detailed answer. I actually had problems with her due to PMO and I was hiding it for several years now and that also kept my depression present because I couldn't be honest and always had to think about it. But since I started NoFap+NoP everything is changing so extreme I just can't make any decisions now. The weekend with her was so amazing and we had no problems at all and it felt almost like a "new" love. I am more than 100% sure that she won't do it again, believe me. The Os this weekend where so amazing I think NoFap could also solve the problem of the "lost youth" because she is going so crazy on my dick that I'm literally shocked and amazed, and then I sleep and feel good. So the "win" just comes now by NoFap, and my past imaginations of a dream woman are getting blown away every day a bit more. But today came a new girl to my workplace and she will work there for 1 or 2 weeks, standing directly in front of me with a super nice booty and I got her attention, I feel it, and eyecontact and so on. I don't want to cheat and I won't, but her eyecontact and just looking at her (which I couldn't resist at all) made me feel really dizzy! Like after 3-4 beers when your face starts to get numb! Crazy experience, and that will make the days till Friday very hard, but I will stay strong, for NoFap and for loyalty to GF. (Although that sounds awkward for every outstanding person ) Real critic is always welcome, you can't be too straight forward, or you would miss your point, my friend!
Based off what you just wrote, I think you're fucked. But have fun with that. Ultimately, don't let the drama of people and lust/love impact your desires to become a better man. Stay the course no matter what the outcome and you'll have something you built in your own, that no one will be able to take from you.
she toys with you , she doesnt respect you. She will replace you soon with someone who doesnt let him self get toyed with. send that bitch to hell. I know how you feel. But once the respect is lost you are powerless. you must be willing to walk away and put consequences into action. get ur respect back or you are soon history. She will cheat because you let her do it bro. Every bitch that cheats has to get dumped because if you say ok lets try again she wont respect you man. Women know that this move destroys a good relationship. How can you trust her bro ... seriously. I have been where you are , read my thread. DUMP her ASAP ... to make that move more easy please start building up a life for yourself. You are emotionally addicted to her. And its just because of sex. Please read theredpill on reddit , please read about manliness (no more mr nice guy) and put yourself and ur dreams in front. If you live for love you lost. love life and you win. regards phil
Protein... i just read this and i have a big problem with your attitude. But you're maybe a better man than me, forgiving her 2 times. Do you know the saying: Fool Me Once, Shame on You, Fool Me Twice, Shame on Me!
Well, we both have a lot in common, a gf that we see only in week-ends, altho I doubt my gf cheated on me untill now since I never felt anything weird, she always answers the phone no matter the hr, and I have a very good smell for lies( still, anything is possible so I'm not excluding any option ), also she is my second long term relationship and the girl that I lost my virginity too, when I was 19. She is a bit younger than me, I wasn't her first either, her second( she said ) and also the other one was just some drunk party that ended up with her losing her virginity (she said). Now the reason that I'm telling all these is because our stories are pretty much on the same side. Eventho, I don't know how I would have felt if she cheated on me and I would have found out (probably would have ended it in that moment if I would have found out from anywhere else but her), I know how I felt when she lied to me and I found out. From the very begining I told her that she can do anything, with one exception that she must never lie to me, I even told her that it would have a bigger impact on me if she lied to me than it would have if she cheated on me and told me after. Dunno why I was so pumped up on the lieing thing, I guess because I was always a lier myself, I lied and manipulated everyone around me just to get things my way, I wanted to be different with her, I knew that once she lies I'm going to fiind out and than I will slowly lose my trust in her which I think is the key for me. What do you think happened ? After like 1 month she lied and oh in what way...I called her, and she told me she is outside with a friend of her but I noticed something strange, there was no noise coming from her cellphone, hence she wasn't outside or I would have heard the wind or some cars or someone talking, there's a difference when you call from inside than when you call from outside, however I didn't insisted on it, went on with the conv and hanged up. Than I started building up theories, called her again to see what she's doing, same thing, no noise, and right before I hanged up I heard a guy voice, she was clearly at someone. At that point I got dressed up and went to meet with her, she lives like 20 km away from me, near my grandparents place. I never told her anything wanted to see what she's going to tell me first, she acted like everything was fine, all normal, than I started asking her questions slowly untill she started slipping thro her own lies untill I cought her open and she had to tell the truth, it was exactly as I said, she was at someone, at her friends boyfriend to be more exact, ofc I didn't believed her and I made her call her friend to confirm the story, she did and somehow I was a bit relieved( even now 2 years later I can't be 100% sure that was the truth). That night I spent talking with her, was at the verge of breaking up but she started crieing so bad and she promised she will never lie again and so on...so I went on. She did lied to me again, more minor stuffs tho, and she lied again and again, everytime I told her that if she lies one more time it's over but I just couldn't let go. So because of the lies I couldn't trust her anymore, and our relationship went down, we're still together right now but we both know there is no future between us, we are just meeting during the week-end, have sex and talk on phone from time to time asking what we've been doing and stuffs like that, I don't even care if she lies me right now, and I lie her aswell, to put it more simply our real relationship ended some time ago but we keep pretending, and we're just friends with benefits or something like that. The points that I'm trying to make with my story are: 1. If she done it once and you forgaved her, she will do it again. 2. Once the trust is gone, you can already say good-bye to a healthy relationship. 3. If your just in for the sex it's alright, but you shouldn't expect something else from your relationship. Well, ofc, that's only what I think, and given the fact that everyone is different, your relationship might end different than mine. You must never exclude any option, anything can happen. Anyway 5 years it's a lot, you should really folow your own instincts but remember to use your brain too and not only the heart. Sorry for the huge Wall of text, keeping myself busy and just felt like sharing my story with you seeing as how we have a couple of things in common. Anyway, good luck man, do what you think is better for yourself. Cheers !
Go for someone more your type. You say you can't live without her. Bit, I am here to tell you you can! Don't be needy, not only do girls hate that but, stick up for yourself. If it bothers you and you don't trust her, dump her.
I'm struggling with a similar situation. Although my relationship recently ended. I felt like she was cheating on me. I saw the signs. I had been cheated on before. I loved her but I didn't trust her. You can't trust a liar and a cheater. As hard as it is to think about being alone. That's my problem. I didn't want to let her go because I was afraid of being alone. She was my best friend. On the other hand it is true that women do not like weak and depressed men. They will just use you for whatever they can until something better comes along. Women like the strong alpha male. They say they like a sensitive man but that is bullshit. Cut her loose. Improve yourself. Make yourself strong and independent. That's what I'm trying to do. I know it's hard. It's the hardest thing I've had to do. But it needs to be done.
It's pathetic to be with a women who knowingly cheated on you, and you still go back to her? The worst part is you know she CHEATED and yet you're find to going back to her. Without trust their is no point to bear a relationship, unless cuckoldry and pain is what you are into. Cut ties.... if she did it once she'll do it again.
