21 years old here

hello all, I really hope that you all are doing great and fine, I am a 21 years old male who is struggling with porn since 13 years old age, yes, I do remember at first I had no idea what is this (porn), but it got my attention to watch it daily, I will be honest, I didn't feel like I am the happiest person watching porn, but as an immature, I had no idea why am doing this, I was masturbating up to 10 times (sadly) per day.

At 13 years old all my thoughts were toward sex, all it matters is I just want to masturbate and look at girls, yet whenever I finish masturbating/watching porn, I really feel shit and uncomfortable.

At that time I had none to tell me about porn/masturbating negative affects in my life, because firstly I was too shy telling anyone what I was doing, not even my school friends, I never ever tried to tell anyone that I am masturbating or watching porn, I was a shy person.

After 2 years from an extreme masturbating and watching porn, I read on internet that porn/masturbating are bad, I also read according to my religion that porn is 100% forbidden same as masturbating, when I knew that, I was like that's why I always feel shit whenever I finish porn, then I started to think , oh shit, all those 2 years of watching porn where actually bad for me, I was the kind of person who don't want to make mistakes, especially doing things forbidden in my religion, so therefore I said, simply let's stop watching porn and continue our life...., I had no idea that I was addicted, it's not how I thought it was, first time I managed to hold my self for a week, then I watch porn, but this time is different, the problems started to begin here, at that time I was 15 years old, and trust me 1 week makes a difference, so when you are free of porn for a week and the moment you come back, you really hate it, you hate that you watching porn again, I keep on remembering the good moments I am having without porn, so why I watched porn!?

15 years old shy boy, and still an immature, I didn't know how to deal with my situation, I had none to guide me, and it's like impossible to have one since I don't tell others about my issue with porn, as the time passes, I start to give up, which is a big mistake, instead of holding for a week, it started to decrease for 4 days, 3 days, 2 days, a day, I turned to an animal, yes a dirty animal who just watch woman as a piece of meet, not as a human that must be respected.

In high school, the last year, now I am 17 years old, started to think more logically, started to become mature, I was like "how will my life be in the next 10 years? am I really happy doing this? what am I earning from doing this?", In that time I started to think when I always feel that I really wanna cry, I used to stay for long time in bathroom crying, I was mostly not in mood, angry, therefore I decided to become really serious about porn issue, and I really wanted to not watch porn so badly, I had like a power inside me to stop this porn issue, and guess what? I actually did a 3 months streak no porn or masturbation, but sadly I came back to porn....

I came back to porn and I feel more shit than ever, it hurts me when I compare those 3 unforgotten months, those were my first 3 months without any sexual contents, I was more creative, more happy, getting more to social life..., but all these are gone when I came back to porn, this time I came back watching porn on average from a week to 5 days.

at age 18 years old, I am in university, and porn issue still on me, on my last year of university, I managed to hold my self for 4 months, then I watched porn, then an other month and a half, and then again back to porn till now...

But I just want to stop this, I just need more faith that I can, we all can, I want a strong faith that I can stop this addiction, please help me guys, I would love if there is
accountability partner available forme, have a nice day all.

 

Thanks , "Don't beat yourself up too much." yes I know this was also a mistake I done, thanks for the advice tho.

 

Hey , I can be your AP, since I am new here, is there anything we need to do for AP?

 

yeh dude ik, this life is just not going to in the right path, I do have what's app, we can communicate there , I will send my number to you in an inbox