INCREDIBLE

Hi guys, it's my 4th day today without PMO and the effects are fascinating. I've been PMOing since I was around 13, 1-3 times a day, with the exceptions of travelling or similar occasions. I m 27 now, browsed the forum for a day and decided to give it a try.

I used to be super shy towards girls in high school. I had a strong crush on one for more than 2 years, constantly trying to get her while she was playing me. Every day I promised myself to approach her but was only able to do that once every 2-3 weeks, sometimes months. I used to idolize her so much that even when we talked and it went well, I was so afraid to spoil it that it made me avoid her for weeks afterwards. It never went past 5 min conversations during school-breaks.

Then I went to the University where I still preferred the easy solution to spending time and money in order to get girls. Even when I met some girls who obviously liked me, I used to destroy it by being creepy-romantic mixed with pathetic attempts to play it cool. It used to go well only with the really average looking girls who I did not care about so much.

Finally, I managed to get one of the better looking average girls as my girlfriend when I was 23 and stayed with her for 1.5 year. It was never crazy love on my side, nothing comparable to the high school crushes, but I was happy. It went well at the beginning but got bad after about a year. I got back to frequent PM and became really frustrated with all the potential hot girls I could have instead of being with her. I kept hurting her for the next 6 months, balancing on the verge of breaking up while not being man enough to do it. Our sex became sporadic and I used to avoid her every day after work, choosing to hang our with friends instead. I could see how painful it is to her but I also felt so weak at the thought how more painful the actual breakup could be for her.

Finally I did it. I felt unleashed and started to date loads of average girls that I could get. I fucked a lot, but was unable to feel anything. I m ashamed of how I treated those girls, they were all so cute and wanted to be with me, but I kept dumping them and went for more and more. All this while still being super shy with the girls that I actually found attractive. I started to associate the feeling of real love with weakness as it always led to failure. I started to have less and less feelings, and I was also less and less happy. The more sex I had, the more hungry I was. I kept PMOing, I started to have problems with ED and PE. When one girl told me that my ED might be due to too much PM, I laughed at her. I did try to cut it down a bit but never lasted longer than 2-3 days. I became a slob, was lazy all the time, socially awkward and without energy. Occasional exercise worked only to a certain extend. I thought this is just the normal way I operate and largely ignored it. I kept sleeping 9-10 hours every day. Being able to have a successful working life and still attract some girls helped me forget about my loss of control over my life. I was good at floating through life appearing successful, yet I missed more and more goals I set for myself and the future I envisioned was further and further away. I disliked struggle and thought that I'm smart enough to avoid it.

Well, all this is now past tense hopefully, thanks to NoFap community. When I was reading through the forum, I couldn't help but see myself in your stories. I ve made a resolution to end this and get back my life. Even though this is just the beginning, I m feeling like I found my old self. I keep doing pushups and running every time the urge comes. I started meditating and try to follow other advice I can find on this website. I feel crazy amounts of energy suddenly and I easily accomplished all the tasks I set for the day.

Don't PM guys, it's destroying you and your relationships. Don't hurt yourself and those around you. Stay strong and wish me the same.