New, 18, venting

nave3140 · Aug 6, 2019

This is a direct copy from the reddit post I made, just hoping for more attention I guess. That sounds selfish lmao

My earliest memory of pornography is from when I was in the 4th grade, or about 10. I found the real thing first after hearing about websites from kids in class, and it didn't take long to find hentai as well on my own. I'm 18 now, 19 later this year, and it's been a constant part of my life for the past 8 or 9 years. I'm definitely addicted. I don't think I've ever gone more than a week without PMO, and even then I would take peeks even if I wasn't MO'ing.
Ive tried nofap a few times before, but I'd never been as involved, never talked to others doing it. I also didn't really have a clear reason, but I do now. I met a girl online almost 2 months ago, and we've been dating for over a month now, and we both love each other and want to get married one day. I consider it my first real relationship, even if it's online only for now. What makes me feel like shit is how much difficulty I have trying to MO to strictly her. We talk on the phone and sometimes we M together to the thought of each other, and my sex drive just isn't a crazy for her as when I'm PMO'ing. Which is stupid, because she's so beautiful and sexy and I love her body and I always try to compliment her looks whenever I can.
I haven't told her about my addiction. She casually asked me over the phone one time if I've ever watched pornography, because she's had close to zero exposure to it, and I just couldn't tell her the truth. I had to lie to her, and I told her I've only SEEN it in the past. Not the fact that I've looked at it almost every day, almost any chance I could, for 8 years. What would she think of me? Would she understand? She barely understands porn, and says she's not bothered by it, but that doesn't make me comfortable. I wanna stop this problem I have, and when I gain some traction, I wanna tell her that I was struggling with it in the past. Maybe if she knew I had been fighting it for a while, she'd understand a bit more.
It's been over 24 hours, I had a minor relapse earlier today because I went to delete my old reddit account to make this one. I only used my old one for pornography, and opening the site to delete it just exposed me and I succumbed for a less than a minute. I managed to stop myself, and I was reminded of her.
I want to be better for her, I want to be less insecure about my body, about how endowed I am. I hate comparing myself to other better men, it just makes me feel so bad, and as a result she feels bad because I'm too ashamed to tell her what bothers me, and she gets the feeling that she's useless to me, but she's not.. I don't wanna push her away and ruin this, because I think she's perfect inside and out.

Sorry for the long post, just wanted to vent to some people who could understand

Bigftninja · Aug 6, 2019

Hey dude, glad to see you here and good luck on your nofap journey. I have always had trouble going up to people in my personal life and talking about my pornographic problem but I found it really helps to talk about even a little bit with someone. My suggestion is even if you dont feel comfortable telling your girlfriend online if yoy can find someone in your personal life who you think would understand or at least acknowledge your trouble it might relieve you. The greatest motivation for me to do that was rationalizing that it it won't damage how the person feels about me if they truly care. I went to one of my best friends about it and while he doesn't actually find porn all that dangerous or damaging like I do he recognized that I was addicted and have struggled with this problem for a long time. He respected my decision to fight it even if he was uncertain of pornographic dangers. Hell maybe this lady will feel the same way as him. She stated she doesn't have any issue with it maybe it wouldn't hurt to just start out stating that on the topic of pornography you have seen it and struggle with it and tell her that you didn't tell her right away because you care about her and wish for her to see the best in you. If you show her weakness and explain how this is an addiction and it really does hurt you mentally just like any drug out there she will hopefully understand and support you in trying to be the best for her. There is no need to give all details about your addiction to her but maybe it would get things off your chest. That's why I told my friend. Seriously man good luck and I wish you the best.

Deleted Account · Aug 6, 2019

Hello and welcome!

We are glad to have you as a part of our community. Here are some quick links to get you started.

Getting Started Guide | How to Use the NoFap Forums | Panic Button |Day Counter | Rebooting Resources|Forum Rules | Glossary

If you wish to keep a journal of your progress you can do so in the appropriate section found here

You can also take part in one of the many challenges available. It can be a tremendous help. Challenges

There are plenty of wonderful, friendly and knowledgeable people here to help you along on your journey to a life free of PMO. I wish you nothing but the best!

Deleted Account · Aug 7, 2019

Hey welcome to Nofap, Nave3140!

I personally feel you should enlighten her with all the negatives you learn from this site! I hope shes on your side, I feel you should be able to tell your gf any secrets and have her listen and talk to you about it, communication is key. : )

P.S.
I strongly advise you to be active on your profile; start by choosing an avatar and then make daily posts to show you're active and needing support/encouragement. They've got a neat little feature that shows freshly posted statuses for all users to see. People will find your profile and give you
encouragement/support.
You should also highly consider creating a public journal (in the appropriate sectionfor you ) and write about your days in more depth for us members to follow along on your journey!

★ People love to communicate in the profiles section and also the journal section. We need more supportive people though, we could always use your help and in return receive some as well!

Last but not least: Good luck on your journey here, make sure to really give it a try with all your heart!

Log in

New, 18, venting

nave3140 Fapstronaut

Bigftninja Fapstronaut

Deleted Account Guest

Deleted Account Guest

Share This Page