Howdy

Hey everybody,
Before I start i'd like to apologize for my lack or straight up misuse of punctuation and grammar. So I guess I can start off by giving a little bit of info on myself and my journey so far. I'm a 24 year old male from Southern California I lived in Texas for a few years during my time in the military and really loved it. ive been out of the military for about two years now and have been going to school since then. So to get more on topic of what this forum and site are dedicated to I guess I should share my experiences with PMO. I would personally say I've never really had a problem with porn, I watched it a few times a week (once/twice) in the military and it was nothing too crazy or out there. As I've heard a lot of people say I always felt guilty, dirty, and just kind of last after watching the stuff. My faith means a lot to me so I would always say a prayer for forgiveness and repentance after watching it and one day without realizing it I just quit. 1 week turned to a month a month turned to 3 and before you know it I had been away from the stuff for id assume somewhere around 3 years. My desires moved to pursuing the real deal, I ended up chasing girls on tinder with limited success. Looking back now id lump this in with jerking off in most instances. Not trying to knock anybody who's moved from M to casual hookups but I really do believe that sex should at the very least be with someone you have somewhat of a connection with and not just attraction. Don't get me wrong that's only my opinion i've been there myself and would not be suprised if I dabbled in it again. So before going into what my M habits were I should explain what I believe was the tipping point for deciding that masturbation was a very poor coping mechanism that I was using to handle things in my life. I've been in a live in toxic relationship for the last couple of months. This is not to say the entire relationship has been the wasteland that it is now but there has always been some dark dark red flags that I ignored because I was blinded by love and to be frank horniness has played a huge role itself. This is not to say that I've done everything perfect in my relationship and it's all my partners fault, there's plenty I've screwed up on and need to improve on myself. So to get back on topic I realized from my relationship that I have been using masturbation as a coping mechanism and crutch. I noticed the correlation that the worst the fighting got for us the more I seemed to make my way to the bathroom or bedroom to go "relieve stress". It got to the point where I was doing this 2-3 times a day at my worst, I soon realized what a cop out and how pathetic i was being by chasing that few seconds of nirvana from busting instead of facing my problems like a man. So here I am somewhere around 15 days I haven't really been keeping track (have it written down somewhere) because I seen a really good message from another user on here talking about how it's not the duration we go without PMO its how we grow and mature from abstaining from those lusts. Ive always enjoyed a good fight/challenge and to say that nofap has done that so far would be a total understatement. Day 1 was insane, the realization that I was committing to holding out on my "release" for at least the next ninety days was setting off a ton of alarms in my head and my brain was trying some very intricate things to get me to give up and go right back to one of the things holding me back. I ended up watching some xxx video on some pretty weird shit that I'd never be interested in trying in real life but I can only explain the first day as a fever dream lol. I should mention that I broke my 3 year streak of no porn a couple months before this when my GF asked if id be down to watch some with her. I'm not gonna lie it was exciting and pretty erotic but porn itself really doesn't do much for me these days. I watched it a couple of times after that and I really couldn't tell you why. So like I said I ended up watching some stuff that I can only explain as a guilty pleasure, looking back I see doing that as a benefit, it was just one continuous thought of "what the fuck are you doing right now" while watching it, and a good place to put an end (I hope) to that part of my life. So I would say thats where I'm at now, a couple weeks in. In these couple of days I've noticed a boost of confidence which I believe has come from the fact that I'm taking on something challenging and doing relatively okay. Another benefit has been getting frisky with the GF has been that much more rewarding. Ive noticed myself being more attentive to her needs as well and not so selfish. Ive come to realize though there's a lot I still need to work on. Mainly not focusing so much on looking for opportunities to get off by any means possible. Self control is a huuuuuge thing I've been focusing on so far though this journey. The other is limiting the lusts that I've experienced for women that I encounter in everyday life and instead being a decent person to another person. I feel like thats something that shouldn't have to be said but I catch myself all the time fantasizing about a woman instead of being appreciative of the help they had just given to me in whatever way. Its getting pretty late so I think I'll end it here. If you made it this far thank you so much for taking the time to read through my post and im sorry if it got rambly. It's late and it's quite a bit of info to put out there. If anybody has any questions please feel free to comment below or if you just want someone to talk to/vent I always got a ear to listen. Thanks again everyone I'm excited to go on those journey with you all!

 

If you can, hold off from sex before marriage. I wouldn't say I regret it personally but it can get out of hand quickly and should at the very least be saved for a committed monogamous relationship. Thanks for the response bro. You hit the nail on the head of what I believe nofap is. Its taking the road less travelled and really challenging yourself to improve and be the best version of you that you can be. After all thats what those around us and of course ourselves deserve. Best of luck to you man if you ever need to chat or just wanna shoot the shit let me know!