I could use some help- anxiety over upcoming vacation

for months I have been having terrible anxiety over this vacation that’s coming up. We are going to a resort for a friends wedding.
As the days are getting closer the panic attacks are getting worse.

He quit PMO October of last year. There was one relapse in February. He swears up and down that was the only one. I don’t know what to believe because I found the evidence that time. I just keep telling myself that he has gotten better at hiding it.

I’ve seen him cry over hurting me. I’ve seen him get up and leave if a sex scene comes on tv, he tells me he is disgusted by porn and can’t forgive himself for what he did.

Tells me that he hasn’t M since that time in feb- this I find hard to believe because we don’t have that much sex.

I am actually terrified of this trip. He keeps telling me “just try and have a good time” which just makes it worse. I told him (he’s afraid of spiders) “how about I put you in a room filled with spiders and tell you “just try and have a good time”
We are going to spend a whole week on a tropical beach with half naked women all drunk.
One of the biggest problems we have is that he doesn’t show me desire sexually. Sure. If we’re doing something he gets into it but I have to initiate 99% of the time which is such a turn off for me. If he initiates on this trip I’m going to assume he’s horny because of all the tits and ass he’s been watching on the beach. I was actually praying my period would come for this vacation.
How am I going to get through an entire week where triggers are at every corner?