A newbie here- my story n journey (PS: please forgive me bcos its long & d grammer)

Hi guys, I've been into M since age of 14. But I was not an addict. It was my 10th grade. I use to fap looking at (Indian)movie songs. I never did fap by PMO - may be till my college which was 3y later. So till that time I use to get tempted by looking at sensual pics or videos of Indian gals or actress. When I was in college I came to know that almost everyone have watched P n I came to know people saw women only in 1 way. So I got adjusted to it...In college Life too I continued to do secret faps at home looking at videos mainly.

Slowly I experimented with P as well . But let me be honest I still fap more by looking at a tv star or actress. I went down hole by getting into chatrooms...I chase gals in room spend hours or part of days. I type in chatrooms saying that "i'm ready to do anything on cam if you are a girl" I've been stupid, I almost wasted 4 years (still running currently) with this stuff. I'm more of an exhibitionist. Or I use to be a women myself and fap by having sensual talks on rooms(filled with guys).

After getting a job my faps reduced but the thoughts never left.

In real Life I'm an introvert I have very few friends... I can only blame myself because I always avoided any outings with my roommate boys during my bachelor life because I always searched for situations which will make me alone in room so that I can fap.

I've taken important decisions in life. I quit a well paying job (In 2012) to chase my ambition to be an administrator and work for people of my country(I'm from India). This is my dream!
I went for training for 1 year in a distant place from home. There too I had v few friends basically I talk v v less... and now I'm back home( I have attended my exams twice but I failed both occassion) With Lot of struggle I regained myself and returned home to prepare from home. But the problem --> At home is my Fap castle. Here I Fap with ease because I have an entire floor vacant for me. To make it worse I'm jobless So Its been 6 months home. I tried to quit I dont fap everyday...I take control 2-3 days .The max duration I held myself was for 14-15 days thats over just by jan 15 ( I was able to stretch the duration because I was taking care of my mom most of the time who has undergone surgery) so after that again now I'm visiting chatrooms again wasting my time.

I wanna quit this because its affecting my normal life I feel afraid to look at anyone's eyes (specially women n my relatives) not more than 2 sec while I talk.
And it makes me feel guilty that I'm not working enough for my dream job and the day is not far when I'l come to know that my dream is gone forever. (God gives everyone 24hours And I'm wasting my majority of time in chatrooms with fap...)

I'm willing to take tough tasks I want my normal life back!

 

Hi friend...i felt good reading ur suggestions..I am thinking of a schedule n exercise...

Just yesterday I was back getting my thoughts because i was getting bored...It happens like this - after 3 days ur firewall breaches n thoughts start travelling beyond the temporary barrier (u made when u last fapped) once its breached, thoughts travel even more deeper...and when u resist its out temporarily but its harder to resist when they come again next time...

But I have to be strong n be distracted to some other things when it comes next time...

I did see brahmacharya site....they have good lines there which can keep us going..
Thanks for ur opinion n views brother...

 

I flunked again n again....I think i may not be out of this...
I could last for max 12 days(set goal 30 days). Jus some time back i reseted the counter... Somehow the bigger picture didnt came to me when i was doing it...Good god and good friends I think i'm not even good to control my hormones..