No, I found out on my own. He told me little bit by little bit, which has added an additional strain--I have a hard time trusting him now because of that. And each new revelation put us back at square 1. I would have greatly appreciated being told the truth from him--it would have sped up healing and shown to me that he knew he had a problem and wanted to be better. He says he now realizes it was a real problem that had gotten out of control, but upon my first discovering it, he was not aware that it was even an issue for him, only my devastated reaction that snapped him out of it. I'm baffled by that, because he was using it daily! How could he have absolutely no insight into it being a problem? Maybe you could help explain that to me... I'm not suggesting you tell your wife, I'm only saying that believe it or not, I feel a lot of heartache could have been spared that way for me.
I wish I could, but I can't explain it because his situation is different than mine. I'm sorry you had to go through it, but like I said hopefully your experience can help you sympathize and be understanding that it's not a reflection on you personally. Is your struggle with PMO because your husband isn't good enough? No, it's a lot more complicated than that. I imagine there was probably a million ways he could have handled it better, but what do you expect? It's a ridiculously embarrassing and insidious problem to have. You're actually experiencing it now with the fact you're not telling him about your struggles. It's ok you are feeling these things and great that you're expressing them. Even more important is to forgive by how much you want to be forgiven and give as much understanding as you want to recieve yourself. Be honest with yourself about your feelings but at the same time have your brain be honest that the goal is to grow past these feelings and hold no grudge so that your relationship can grow for the benefit of both of you. Im sure your own PMO will only compound the problem so I'm glad you're here to get support on that!
I understand and have no judgments whatsoever, you understand your situation and your wife better than anybody. I cannot tell you how much it has meant to me to have been able to talk to you today. Have you had any luck with a male support partner?
I'm glad i provided some support! It's good for me to talk to other people who have these struggles I haven't had it in years. It's good that you have a different situation too so we can help each other. I did finally get a private conversation going. Same thing where his situation is different so hopefully we can help each other. I like how we can talk on public forum to help others too.
Yeah pretty normal day I guess. I can easily go an entire day or several day without any inclination to PMO but it can just bam come out of nowhere. So today I had no real inclination. Actually with the PMO binge and my marital relations I'm pretty drained. Saw saturns rings today in a telescope my wife just got me and it was amazing. Small and blurry but amazing. When I'm in PMO mode it's hard for me to find enjoyment in things, so it was good to enjoy something. I've been reading forums on this site for hours. I think it just makes it more "real" hearing personal stories about how pervasive this is. I knew statistics saying how popular P is but reading so many stories I may get confidence to talk to some people in real life about it. I was thinking about you today concerned that you didn't connect with anyone. Why don't you try Starting a conversation with blondewife ? You could start a new thread this one has probably got too long with all my comments
Hey Shores, If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you. We can private message if there is stuff you don't want to post or if you want it to be a little more private. I too found out on my own after years (7-8) of him lying to me about it. We have never had a time in our relationship that he wasn't lying. He has now been clean 100+ days and I am still having trouble so don't expect this to go away over night. I think I was expecting everything to be back to normal at this point but I didn't even know what normal was. We have many more good days than bad now so take hope in that. Let me know if you want to talk, take care.
Thanks for posting that Shore. Good to see how porn can affect my wife. She knows I masterbate and look at porn but I don't think she realizes how often I do. It wasn't till recentally that I realized it is affecting my marriage and I need to stop. I haven't told her which I don't like but I can do this alone and strengthen our realtionship without breaking it first.
