Wife hates to talk about sex. Advice?

This is from my journal today, but I wanted to post it here so that I had a higher likelihood of receiving advice.
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Day 9.5: I wasn't going to journal tonight. But I had a frustrating interaction with my wife at the end of the night.

A few things were going on.

1. My wife works 24 hour shifts and the night before her shift starts, she starts getting anxious about going to work and I feel rushed to get as much of my wife as possible before she is gone, because I get lonely when she is gone. She leaves for 24 hours and that often turns into 48 hours if her shift is particularly taxing, because the following day she often sleeps all day. Tomorrow she goes to work.
2. I want to understand my wife's libido better. I want to talk to my wife about it. She does not want to talk. I have asked to talk about our sex life maybe 5 times over the past 10 years and she always quickly swats the notion down. I feel that if I understood her better, I could avoid a lot of frustration for both of us. Tonight, I told her that I would like to discuss our sex life sometime in the near future. She said she doesn't want too. She said she doesn't understand herself and that she doesn't know what we would talk about.

Regarding her libido and our sex life... I find it so confusing. Our sex life has never been amazing. Both my wife and I were brought up in conservative households, we are Catholic. Pre-marriage, we never had sex because my wife wanted to wait until marriage. We messed around to orgasm a little, but it was infrequent. So, I knew going into the marriage that my wife likely had a low libido. First 5 years of marriage, sex once a month. Second 5 years, once a month, except for when we were trying to have kids (then it was every day). Last 5 years, sex once a week. So yeah, big improvement recently these last 5 years. Only thing is, I'll do anything for her. Go down on her, go all night if she wants, go more than one time. Mess around with her afterwards if I already finished. I'll do anything. But, she doesn't want any of that, she wants to keep things normal, and only at night, in the bedroom. A small handful of times, she has gone outside of her comfort zone and let me go down on her, sex in the shower, hand job, but is has become more rare. She used to always let me manually stimulate her, but now she doesn't seem to want me to do that either. I want to tell her all these things and ask her what is going on, but she doesn't want to talk about it. I wish she would say something to me so I could make sense of things. Like... I don't like you using your hands anymore because they are too calloused, or, my body is changing and I am sore down there, or, I really want to have another baby and that is messing with me mentally. This is frustrating for me. Of course, I have other concerns lurking in my mind, is she still hurt from my porn addiction (probably), maybe she doesn't feel attracted to me right now, what is going on, I really want to know? I am trying not to dwell on these things, because without talking to her, it is all a big guess and I don't believe there is much point in stressing about something I cannot know. So, I am here, writing this out, hoping to transfer my thoughts from head, onto digital paper, so I can let go of those thoughts. Any thoughts or advice are appreciated.

And finally, my brain is funny. As soon as my wife blew me off tonight, my brain immediately said... "Dude, you want to look at porn? right? I know you do, it will be so freaking awesome." At the first feeling of frustration, my brain is there, ready to pounce, and to top it off, knowing my wife will be gone for 24 hours and that we ended the night on a frustrating tone, really gives my brain some ammo to try and tempt me. The brain says... "You are not going to see your wife for 24 hours, she is going to be tired and grouchy when she gets home too, so really 48 hours before you can be close to her, and she might be mad at you for pushing her to talk about sex, and did I mention porn is so easy". Well, my brain can suck it tonight, cuz I am journaling, and I have better things to do, like sleep.

I think I am going to write my feelings in an email to my wife. She says she doesn't like when I do that, but I am better at expressing myself in written form and some of the thoughts that came up during my journaling, I want to share with her. There is no way I could do that in person, too many things and I will mess it up and forget things.

 

Sex is pretty much the only thing. We communicate well about everything else.