Dear Porn...

You've robbed me of my time. this one is obvious. Instead of doing constructive things, I'm sucked into wasting my life on you.
You rob me of my integrity. I have to lie and conceal and cover up my attachment to you.
You rob me of sleep when I wake up in the middle of the night full of guilt and shame and worry that I'll be caught.
You rob me of peace as I'm so afraid my wife will know and find out
You rob me of my relationship with YHWH. I cannot be apart of his kingdom with you weighing me down
You rob me of my happiness and pride. I cannot be happy and proud when i continuously fail.
You rob me of my money. Even if I'm not spending it on you, I'm not making it at work because of wasting time on you
You rob me of my ideal life. I can never be the man I want to be because of you.
You rob me of my focus. When my brain is soaked in your toxins, I can't focus on anything.
You rob me of my parenthood. I'm so moody and ill after a binge that i can't interact with my children properly.

You are destruction. There's no good in you. You consume and take. Mutilate and pervert everything good. Deep down I hate you. I hate what you do to me and I hate what you've made me become. I hate what you make me do and how weak you make me. I hate what you do to my mind. You have ruined so much in my life and have the power to ruin EVERYTHING!!! Everything that I hold near and dear is in your hand with the power to destroy it, and I can't let you do that. I can't let you ruin my marriage anymore. I can't let you ruin my relationships any more. i can't let you ruin my career any more.

You take from me, and give nothing back, and I hate you for that. I hate that sometimes I don't eat or drink because it'll take time away from you. That's completely messed up.. I can't believe I'd hand that power over to you. How sick does that make me?

For all of these reasons, I must break up with you. This long term relationship is too toxic and one sided. i have better things than you out there. I have real things. I have a life that is slipping me by moment for moment! I REFUSE to be on my death bed and the only thing to look back on is hours of porn use!!!! I'm honestly pissed at the time I've already wasted. Hours that could have been converted in to money, memories, relationships, everything. Wasted...wasted...wasted...

i hate you. I want you out of my life forever because i cant stand you. I can't stand the thought of you. I can't stand the very mention of you. The memories of you make my skin crawl. The things I have seen make my sick to my stomach. Get out and do not come back. You disgust me...

 

I hate how there's times where all I can think about is the next opportunity to use. I can't wait to rush people away just to stare at a screen. I hate you for that