Back after 7 years

I’ve returned in an entirely different mindset, phase in my life and a time of crisis. I took an attempt at this for the same reason, addiction to PMO, but I wasn’t ready to open all the way up to this community. Today I am ready. I’ve come back for the sake of my crippling addiction to PMO combined with vaping. The two activities go hand in hand making this addiction extremely hard to let go.

I’ve dedicated my life to PMO and have isolated myself from many friendships and truthfully is why I have not been in a relationship. I’d rather isolate and PMO than hang out with people, or do anything really- my entire days and life are spent anticipating my next opportunity to binge and watch P, and since I’m addicted to vaping while watching P I spend hours on the edge- every night I spend at least 4 hours PMO ing. Everyone thinks I'm a grandpa because I don’t like to go out and hang, but it’s truly because all I care about is P.

The reawakening of this NoFap journey is my erectile dysfunction. I’m completely numb down there regardless of what my mind is thinking/ feeling/ craving, however I still JO and forcefully try and work one out- this is painful and depressing. I’m still hooking up in real life, however, I find it extremely challenging to O. I was humiliated when a partner mocked and pointed out that I wasn’t ever aroused in the middle of a session. I’ve been embarrassed since and endlessly shame myself. I’m back here to reset. Yes giving up P is the goal, but I’m not giving it up forever, but rather a get back to where I was. I’m not an extremist, I know I can’t do this cold turkey and I might not even fully quit just yet, but I’m back!