Dead bed on reddit threads.

What exactly do you want to hear? Not in any relationship so I can't help you out regarding that. But you're "not so far gone."

This is your chance to get rid of your dependency from porn and masturbation once and for all. You got this buddy. START NOW.

 

They tell us to leave because of all the relapses and what all it takes. Many women just say its not worth it, get out while you can

 

Unfortunately anyone who has spent time with a porn addict knows the pain, frustration, and hopelessness of having a decent marriage. So many times porn addicts don’t think “ it’s that bad”. For the spouse/betrayed partner it is excruciating to live with an active porn addict. This addiction steals so much and affects every aspect of the relationship. Your wife can’t do anything to fix or better your relationship until you are no longer an active addict. That may be with she’s saying she can’t/won’t do anything to fix this.

 

I’m married so I can understand how your wife feels.

our addiction makes them feel insecure, not good enough, unloved, uncared for, etc.

Often times we cannot even see how our attitudes and behaviors affect them so much because we our consumed with the addiction or consumed with our failed attempts to quit (shame, guilt, frustration, etc)

it takes a lot of compassion to see wife’s perspective even though we crave compassion over something this difficult to overcome.

however it is possible to overcome it by consistent decision to not PMO. Decision is a Latin word that means to cut off any other possibility than the one you have chosen to pursue. So you know you’ve made the right decision when you cut off the possibility of another relapse, another failed attempt, another set back and really decided to pursue and focus on rebuilding yourself and your marriage.

i am on day 13 of a 14 day challenge. Never been here without any crutches (weed/alcohol) ever in my life... and here i am. But i made my decision form to be a better man no matter what, and nothing can stand in my way. I came on here asking for men to be help me in accountability and that didn’t happen... but that didn’t stop me from pursuing my freedom and a brighter future. Overtime I’m sure I’ll help more men out there, but every decision i make will either make me or brake me. That’s how i see it.

so how serious are you now or need to be to cut this off once and for all?
I could’ve relapsed today, literally minutes ago but i said fuck this shit and hopped on here to type you a word of encouragement to keep YOUR head up and fight for your recover. Fight for your marriage man. That’s the woman you chose. Don’t let her slip by bro. I promise even making it 7 days is better than abstaining for no days. Make tangible challenges for yourself and acknowledge your condition. Rock Bottom can either be the grave you dig yourself in or the womb you’re born again from. Peace and love bro

 

Remember, people on these sites are hurting. Both, the addict and the betrayed. I’ve been with my husband 33 years. He’s been clean a year and 3 months. 33 years, and he’s only been clean a few years of that, only really in recovery this last year.. I would tell any woman to run if she discovered her husbands porn addiction ( he didn’t confess) and they don’t have kids. If he confessed it to her or they have children, then I think she needs to do everything she can to make it work. Other than that, I’d advise she get out too. It’s far too damaging and not worth the pain and frustration of having your husband lie and reject you.

 

My wife and I spent some time looking at that subreddit last year. This was when she didn't know that I had relapsed and was using PMO. One thing I can definitely advise is to not do what I did, and gaslight or try to make the situation seem like it's not as bad as it is. I told my wife not to go on that subreddit as all the advice is the same and that they just want people to separate.....

Yes, most of the advice on that subreddit is brutal and advises the relationship to end. In a lot of cases that is probably the right advice as a lot of dead bedrooms these days are P related, and if the PA doesn't want to change they will keep relapsing and hurting the other partner.

The only thing you can do at the moment is try to prove to your wife why she should stay with you. You need to show it in both your actions and your words. It's going to be hard going at first but at this point you have two options: Give up or stand and fight for your relationship.

This takes time. Hopefully, once you start to put more effort in consistently your wife will be in a better position to make a choice of whether it is right for her to stay. For me, 6 months ago my wife came very close to leaving me, and multiple times in my recovery she had doubts. If it gives you any hope our relationship is in the best place it has been in years now.

I wish you both all the best, encourage her to read posts on here (including SO posts) it might help.

 

What do u mean “ turn it on?” Seriously, making love isn’t just about your dick getting hard. Why would u rebuff her rather than make out? Why not focus on her in that moment and forget about yourself? I have never told my husband no when he’s approached me on these very rare occasions. Women can’t “ turn it on” either but once you get started amazingly it’s starts turning on, lol. I actually am pretty sure I know why you responded the way you did, as it’s very much like my husband. Years of counseling has helped in that regard. You need to look deep in yourself to understand why you would tell a willing woman no to sex. Why you turn to porn and masterbation of real connection and love.