I dont know where this came from. Its been a while. Lying awake at night. Think its been 4 hours. Worrying. Thinking violent thoughts. About hurting myself. It hurts so bad. I dont know what to do. Its no help to get nowadays since everything is closed down. It wont get better. I cant see the end of it. I have been struggling all my life. Everyone around me is just dying somehow. Accidents. Suicides. Lost 2 friends and my uncle to suicide. And I hate my parents. My dad is a violent psycopath. He killed people. He has been in the army for 40 years. My mom is bipolar. I dropped out of my studies. I have PTSD and Schizoaffective disorder. I cant make a meal. I cant clean my mess. I dont have friends anymore. It all went to shit.
Oh man, I am so sorry to hear about your story. I feel the pain... I don't know what I could say that would make you feel better.. I just wanna tell you that hurting yourself isn't gonna solve any problems. And why would you wanna hurt your body? You should cherish it. Love it. Love yourself. You are the only person you will live together with your whole life. Be hopeful. That is good. You never know what may come into your life. There must be something you enjoy doing. Even when it looks like all is black, there is some light. Trust me. I attempted suicide and luckily I survived and it really opened my eyes in so many ways. I know death or hurting yourself isn't the answer. You have the power within you to change your life. I hope you will be good man. Stay strong!
Hello I can tell you this: That the tunnel may be in complete darkness BUT at the end of it there is LIGHT!! YOU ARE THE LIGHT! The people that have been through the kind of situations you describe they are the one that have accomplished most in their life because they know what real pain is and have built an enormous amount of resilience and so they do not give up when things get hard. I know a story of a guy who was beat by his dad as a child untill his mum moved out with him. He was one of the only black person in the town where he went and so he experienced racism daily. He was nearly in 7th grade but he could only read like a pupil from 4th grade. He never studied and copied everything at school. He weighed nearly 300 pound. His life was going down spiral untill he realized that no one was going going to help him and so he decided to embrace the suck and improve his situation. He decided not to blame anyone for his life. He took all the bad feeling and use them as a fuel to improve himself as a person. He started to go the gym at 5am before going to school and to study like crazy after school to be able to graduate. He became a navy seal and believe it or not to prove himself he decided to run 100miles marathon without training(I do not reccomend it) but it was to prove a point to himself: NEVER GIVE UP. He even established the pull ups word record of pull ups: 4030 pull ups in 17 hours. He is now an athlete who runs ultra marathon. Yeah, that's right, embrace the situation and use it to become invincible. You are the Light at the end of that tunnel and I know you can do it. Do not hate anyone it will only consume you. Show them that love is better. Respond to hate with love. Start self improvement. Why not starting typing up the mess little by little? Even if you start just tyding up a little corner of your room a day. You will see that in a few days your room will be nice and tidy. You can start little by setting little daily goals. You will soon notice the difference. You could also do some physical exercise every day. Even just 10 push ups, then crunches and 10 squat. You will see how much better you will feel at the end of it. Why not trying some meditation? Even just 10 minutes a day it will help you to feel better. There is a ton of material available online for self improvement. I know and believe you can do it.
Thanks for sharing, man. Just remember that you are not alone - it is good that you turned to the forum in that darkest hour and shared your loneliness. We are with you and you will always find support here. Just stay the path, slowly and steady does it. Whish you all the best, courage and hope! Stay strong, brother!
Thank you. I did not want to say it was David Goggins so to not make "advertisement". But yes good spot. He is him. A great inspiration of mine. NF Since birth like Tombrady234567 said: we are here for you and you will always find support. And like David Goggins says STAY HARD
Got transferred to the emergency psych today. It all went pretty fast. New psychologist. Talked to him about my thoughts and he got more worried than I expected. Then I got a panic attack and blackout. Then the doc was holding my hand and talking with a few people. Only thing I heard was " paragraph 3-2 situation." Next thing I was in an ambulance and now im locked in. A guy is monitoring me. In a strange way it feels alright to be here.
