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Been to the darkest places of addiction, facing the consequences.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Escapist17, Jun 17, 2020.

  1. Jun 17, 2020 #1
    Escapist17

    Escapist17 Fapstronaut

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    Hi.

    I'm 31, and have been using porn since my early teens. Addicted since my mid/late teens, I suspect - it's hard to know when that transition happened, exactly.

    That addiction, along with some personality issues that stem from a difficult upbringing with an alcoholic parent, have made it very difficult to enter and sustain real world romantic/sexual relationships, so porn has been my only sexual outlet for most of my life, except for a couple of short-lived relationships.

    Over the last decade and a half of porn use, I've definitely experienced the escalation effect, and the porn I was viewing became more and more extreme, ending up at NSFL & illegal content. About a year ago, the consequences of that made themselves known in a dramatic way - the police knocking on the door one morning to seize and search my computer and other devices. I am currently going through the process of that, waiting for the police to come back with a request for an interview. I don't know what happens after that.

    However, that did finally cause me to take my addiction much more seriously. For the last year, I've been a part of the 12-step SAA program. I have achieved many benefit from that, and the people and community of the program have been great. But as an atheist I've struggled with the steps themselves; I can't honestly get past step 3, and while I haven't gone back to any illegal content, I also haven't been able to achieve any long-term abstinence from PMO in that time.

    So I'm looking for alternatives. I've been hesitant about NoFap because of it's connections to Reddit - a site I often used for acting out. I'm here now because I'm desperate, and scared, and a little hopeless. 12 step isn't working for me, and I need something that does.
     
    Escapist17, Jun 17, 2020
    Escapist17, Jun 17, 2020
    #1
    Deleted Account, Entomorph, | Nico | and 1 other person like this.
  2. Jun 17, 2020 #2
    | Nico |

    | Nico | Distinguished Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    Welcome to the community :) glad you could join us, wish you the best on your journey. Anything you need help with just let us know. Take care.
     
    | Nico |, Jun 17, 2020
    | Nico |, Jun 17, 2020
    #2
    One Eyed Owl and Entomorph like this.
  3. Jun 17, 2020 #3
    Stierlitz

    Stierlitz New Fapstronaut

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    Hi, welcome to NoFap! Sorry to read about your situation. But you're in the right place. You've got to dig deep and break out off this habit. Please forgive yourself for your past mistakes and for all your failures. I hope that your mind turns into a fortress against such urges!
     
    Stierlitz, Jun 17, 2020
    Stierlitz, Jun 17, 2020
    #3
    Entomorph likes this.
  4. Jun 17, 2020 #4
    NewGeorge

    NewGeorge Fapstronaut
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    It is totally doable mate. Many people here have recovered from some of the weirdest fetishes I can't even imagine. There is hope, good luck on your journey.
     
    NewGeorge, Jun 17, 2020
    NewGeorge, Jun 17, 2020
    #4
  5. Jun 17, 2020 #5
    LoveIsAllWeNeed

    LoveIsAllWeNeed Fapstronaut

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    I am very sorry to hear about your illegal activities and even contact with the police. I suggest you watch the YBOP videos by Gary Wilson very closely. Especially the one from 2015. Although the police may try making it personally, it really isn't. Your brain has become desensitized so you end up needing more and more impulses to get the job done.

    First thing I did after having my own shock (not as severe as yours, but still very drastic) was to COMMIT myself to never watch P again. In your case I'd do that asap. If you end up in jail... The guys in there will not be nice to you... So, think of this when your mind starts getting you craving again. The hormones will hit you like a rock and you need to be on top of your game to withstand it. Find all the motivation you can get, try to get all the support you need, focus on what you REALLY want in life.

    What are your dreams, your talents, the people you want to meet and be with? Find hobbies, get away from the screen, do some fitness, grow as a person. Those are the things I did and right now my life is so much better. I have much more will power and joy and I'm more open to people. The list goes on and on. I wouldn't have believed it 18 months ago.

    Staying P free is the minimum you need to do, PMO is even better since you really rewire your brain as you stop any sexual thoughts. This is THE most important thing, as I've experienced. Get your mind clean and you'll be quickly up and going. If you don't relapse, within a couple of weeks you'll experience some benefits. After 90 days you will have come a long way. The people, including the policemen, will see a different you. And that's something to keep in mind when you feel the cravings. You're worth it, so do the best you can.
     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2020
    LoveIsAllWeNeed, Jun 17, 2020
    LoveIsAllWeNeed, Jun 17, 2020
    #5
    One Eyed Owl likes this.
  6. Jun 17, 2020 #6
    Kingfisher

    Kingfisher Fapstronaut
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    Welcome to NoFap. Good luck on your journey :).
     
    Kingfisher, Jun 17, 2020
    Kingfisher, Jun 17, 2020
    #6
  7. Jun 17, 2020 #7
    One Eyed Owl

    One Eyed Owl Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to NoFap!!!
     
    One Eyed Owl, Jun 17, 2020
    One Eyed Owl, Jun 17, 2020
    #7
  8. Jun 19, 2020 #8
    Escapist17

    Escapist17 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you all; for the welcome and the advice!
     
    Escapist17, Jun 19, 2020
    Escapist17, Jun 19, 2020
    #8

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