If I don't fap I get depressed

Sleep deprivation is awful during any addiction recovery, especially trying to be PMO-free. If your mind isn't clear, you'll fall back in the old pathways and as your energy is low so is your will-power.
The medicines for ADHD should not be worse than what they are curing. You might ask your doctor for another type of stimulants, maybe another brand.

Right now you're in a 'panic button' situation. I'd try to focus your mind on real world stuff like walking, fitness, cleaning your home etc.. Be aware that the pictures your mind is generating are your real problem, so the less you are involved in thinking, the better. Focus on your breath, focus on your feet while walking, your bum while sitting or whatever. Anything, but the pictures in your brain. Let them come and go. Don't get involved with them. They won't stick around more than a minute if you let them be.

 

I have no explanation for that.

 

its normal dude. we addicts used pmo as a way to not deal with our bad emotions. everytime i felt sad, lonely, depressed, desperate - i knew i had something that would make those feelings disappear. pmo. now that we cut pmo, we have to deal with those emotions. and this is a good thing. sure it will hurt, but as time goes on, you will learn how to deal with them, how to bear them, and ultimately you will be free and stronger than ever, because you will be able to see emotions for what they are, and you no longer will be controlled by them, rather you will be cool and firm.

 

why masturbate when you can look for women to have sex with?