The absolute worst form of pmo

Deep inside you know it is wrong, right?

 

It is good that you know to avoid these sites. It won't be easy but it is what you need. But be patient. I need to do the same. I relapsed myself yesterday. Sometimes it is easy to give advice than to take your own

Anyways, it is good you can self reflect and realize yourself and this fetish well. I hope you succeed in this journey, and that your marriage stays strong. Good luck!

 

She was incredibly turned on by it all! And we had some great fun online for a while, but it does become damaging too. I mean , we enjoy the fantasy aspect of it (and I had DVP fantasies too) and stuff, but in the real world it is damaging to a relationship when we have kids and responsibilities and are also in love and married 10 years almost.

I'm in 2 minds about it, ours was just online fun but I don't know what would happen in the real world.

 

thats the question isnt it. wether you would really truly like it for real or if its better to keep as a fantasy. search your feelings , i sound like yoda now... as long as it doesnt become a problem for your personal life and a healthy sex life , and doesnt come from a place of compulsion about porn, but more like the occasional luxurious guilty pleasure, i suppose you are fine either way as long as you are both safe and secure about it.

 

wrong how? emotionally? romantically? morally? sexually?

it seems to be a major turn on for some while a not so appealing situation for others, likely, the majority of people. Due to its taboo nature, the power play and fidelity/transgression dynamic it contains , and in some cases the race play, yes ,i guess it is and will always be divisive and unapealing for many, but if there were no genuine demand for it , then why the rise in forums, websites, apps, clubs, social media groups, comic books, stories, videos for cuckold/sharing / hotwife stuff? Do you personally believe its all just an evil conspiracy ? or just too much porn and nothing else?

 

It is a deviance from penetrative reproductive sex, yes. So is oral sex. So is anal sex. So is whispering words . So is pole dancing. Hows some act being outside of the normal coitus illegitimate for the people who practice it willingly and freely ? Specially since no is harmed. Its just people and bodies having fun in an unorthodox manner , no sharp, deadly objects, no blood.

True, some , if not most, cuckold relationships involve a shaming humiliation aspect to it ,or a power play between the cuckoldress and the cuck yes, but others do not! i have heard from a couple who was into it, but not from the humiliation side, more from the exploring, voyeuristic , sharing side, liberating side. No, not one, several. But even with that aspect of humiliation, one can consider it wrong for oneself , but how do we know if it is also wrong and not healthy for someone else? You know, being more submissive to a woman, in the bed department, is what lots of men secretly desire as well , so this fantasy also plays there. Again i ask how do we determine what is healthy for this or that person if they enjoy it? Only if deep down they dont truly want it and are being played by the lady in question ... but how common is that? Look, i just contacted , a while ago a female redditor who posts in a sub forum there about cuckoldry and she was open and honest about it, how it evolved for her bf and how it works for them , and they seem happy and sexually satisfied with it .

I meant properly function with a proper full erection while having sex, so you avoid meeting someone for now because you are trying to get rid of these thoughts you feel are not good for you , ok i get that.
The way you describe those experiences youve heard seems negative , as if the women were cajoled into it , without a real desire for it and thats where i think we should draw a line here: between those couples who actively and jointly explore these fantasies and desires and are secure in their relationships and those in which one element is the driving force behind it and the other one is not that keen on it. It comes to mind a couple i met on manhunt , they were very very adamnt that they were very secure and knew exactly who they were and what they wanted. None of the stuff you mention fits their criteria or example .

Funny you mention the pregnant part. i had a chat with a person on youtube comments 2 weeks ago, he had posted a comment on a video a white woman had made about her being pregnant with a black baby. and i was genuinely curious about it, what was it these people , him in particular got off of it? he explained to me in detail, that , basically he couldnt have sex anymore due to a vasectomy that didnt go as planned and therefore his wife and a female friend would have sex with black men in the projects every week, they have kids , from these meetings , interracial kids, and he looks after them, he is estranged from his original family, he doesnt have sex properly anymore, he helps his wife preparing and after he does his cleaning duties, as he called them, but he seemed quite content and secure in his choices and life and enjoyed all of it ... he denied any lack of self worth or self esteem ... so indeed how can i say its ridiculous and demeaning and unworthy of him to do this? I am not his psychologist i dont know him , but form his words he really loves it. He would say, whats wrong with it?

The point of my posting the sex blog was to show that an overtly negative perspective on this subject is not shared by everyone everywhere not are its conclusions. I was not going for extra highs or trying to be triggering on purpose, trust me. Of course if i read those posts over there and read her texts its going to be exciting.

So your impression was that it was the depravity and hedonism of the women and men who indulged in these situations and that for the most part, the couples were not really into each other or in any meaningfull loving relationship ? you saw or never heard of nothing that was contrary to this ?

 

Oral sex, whispering etc aren't out of the norm at least in Western society. There's actually a host of risks that come with anal, but that's besides the point. When you remove the humiliation aspect, you begin delving into wife sharing/hotwife territory, and even in those cases I've heard about a lot of things I was mentioned, the initial nagging, using weird analogies like, "It's like letting another man drive your car, at the end it's still your car," or calling their partner their pornstar, cause you know that's really flattering. Having submissive fantasies isn't the same as having or desiring humiliation, humiliation desires aren't exclusively attached to submissives and in fact there are subs that cower at the thought of being humiliated. You seem to believe in liberal sex, okay fair enough, but then your hypocrisy clearly shows when you don't extend these feelings to people that engage in pain play. If it's consensual and people enjoy cutting, choking and hitting each other hard, what's the problem? They enjoy it and practice it as safely as possible. We can just attribute your line of thought to them as well, "Maybe it's wrong for others but not them". Yes often times, I'd say 85% from what I've read the man had to talk the woman into it.

I mean I've heard similar things from most of the couples on these sites too, except a lot of them had journals where they documented what happened, and you were able to actually read more details of what transpired. People want to start off with a good impression; they're not going to air out any baggage to someone that is asking about it upfront.

So the man was okay with his wife going off with her friend to sleep with random men, essentially having her exposing herself to a host of venereal diseases because he wanted to clean up...nothing strikes you as off there?

It very much is based on hedonism the whole point of this fetish is pursuing pleasure and the gratifying indulgence that it presents. I don't think anyone can really argue against that. There's a fine line of risk assessment that I'd say should take place before engaging in most activities, sexually or non sexual, and there are an astounding amount of risks involved with the only driving benefits for the majority of these couples being pleasure.

Cons
Risk of venereal diseases (Sex with others besides their partner increase chances of catching something even with protection)
Risk of the woman catching intimate feelings for the other man/ and or her leaving him (Some women choose to indulge with one other person instead of a group to mitigate the chances of catching something, but that very much increases the chances of her catching strong feelings for the other man)
Risk of the focus of the couple being lost and instead sex with the other person takes priority (The man essentially becomes an afterthought. I've read about this one happening QUITE A LOT. And I don't think this is a net positive even if the man wants it. )
Risk of lack of respect (The woman no longer feels loved or validated because the man wants her to go off and forge sexual relations with other. Something that is very contrary to the biological imperative)
Risk of the woman's safety (Often times I've read about the woman going off to spend a night with this random guy, without the bf/husband being there, after only meeting up with him once or twice before. This is very dangerous, and it's was shocking to read about how many individuals were okay with this.)

Now of course I'm sure all these cons don't apply to all the people out there that engage in this type of fetish, and for some all of these might actually be Pros, who knows.(Although the first one will definitely always apply regardless) But they're playing with fire for little reason, I liken it to smoking cigarettes. Do some people go their whole life without get lung cancer smoking tobacco? Sure, but it's hardly a healthy activity.

 

I am not judging. I am just trying to understand human psychology.
How do u describe your relationship with anxiety?

 

That's weird because oral sex is out of the norm in the place where I live. I think it comes with it's own load of risks, because letting genital fluids and a small quantity of excrement infiltrate your oral cavity isn't sanitary nor 100 % safe. It's different from anal sex but still no less risky. As for western societies, I think both acts weren't that normalized 40 to 50 years ago. The shift slowly happened with the progression of liberalism and mosty after the democratization of pornography. First in video shops and later in the internet.
Personally, I am not fond of oral sex at all. Either giving or receiving, because I value my dignity and see it as degrading; because genitals are waste outlets. I can't be abnormal for disliking consuming nasty odors, urine and excrement. Even with occasional showers there will be many bacteria that normally live in symbiosis in human genital tracts (both male and female) but aren't meant to reach another yet sensitive place, and the odors will appear a short time after. So it's still very much unappealing. I believe people engage in this practice to win their partner's appreciation more than they do it for their own enjoyment. Some guy even told me the same about his experience, but didn't want to share it in real life due to fear of stigma.
I felt pain for that guy. To consider one partner's pleasure a prioritary goal to the point of neglecting the other partner's discomfort and even disgust is the opposite of empathy. At least with normal and biological coitus both partners have the possibility to feel a low level of discomfort and can enjoy themselves without putting the other in an uneasy situation. In oral/anal sex not so much.
This is why I think of those two former practices as "deviant". Even in the animal kingdom they aren't practiced as lavishly and spontaneously as some love to believe. True they might occur, but not with the same high percentage that happen in humankind, especially western civilizations.
From time to time I wonder how western societies would have been if not the proliferation of liberalism and the abolition of many sexual boundaries, from which many have been useful in sustaining family consolidation and allowing many children to live securely with their parents. Would really people be that eager majoritarely , and without a second thought in engaging in 'liberating' sex such as oral, anal, wife sharing, BDSM, ...etc if they have never been severely exposed to sexualized and borderline pornographic forms of entertainement ? Would things that are viewed as empowering now and liberating stayed as deviant practices ?
I think the worst side of PMO is the loss of many important values, which will lead later to the collapse of western societies.

 

As for the worst form of PMO. I can't really tell which one. Because PMO is an escalating behavior. People start with vanilla and end up with twisted preferences after a long period of exposure. If one doesn't start with shocking and unbelievably disturbing categories, it will happen. It's only a matter of time. You can't really predict what type of P you might consume 20 years after you start using it. Especially if the you begin in early adolescence.
Wife sharing is deeply immoral because the bond between two spouses is very important , sacred in a sense. How can any family blossom in such a background ? What kind of 'bond' will exist in this type of "partner sharing" relations ?
I don't see if a partner will have any value and dignity in "wife sharing". He/she will be such a number among others. In a constant competion against the rest.

 

you can judge , if you have reason for it , even if others wont agree with such a judgement.

so am i , in a way, my own psychology and in general terms all human psychology that influences these subjects.

anxiety has been present for 10 11 years in various forms, i ve had times when i fear to leave the house where i happen to be at the moment , when i fear or when i know an upcoming social event will come, such as meeting family members, or friends of my siblings, or also women as well, though i have been capable with them in the past as well, and social gatherings or meetings... dont know if its the people or the anxiety of having to do conversation or a fear of their judgement or of what they think of me... its strange...2 years ago i was at a nightclub , theres was a band playing, lots of music and people dancing and drinking etc, i friend of mine said , man check them out work them out they are there, he was referring to the group of women who had been in our dinner before, and indeed the prospect of having to deal with them or for them to "see" me or engage with me personally, im not sure which , gave me anxiety and i just left with that same friend and i was fine with it because i just didnt want to deal with them somehow...

 

For the one´s defending this shit and not assisting the OP, it reeks of WEAKNESS and being pathetic. Honestly, if I saw any dude that consented to this shit face to face, I´d spit in the ground and turn my face, that´s how low testosterone a man must be to stoop to such a low level and DEFEND this disgraceful fetish.

On the other hand I understand the ones that have fallen into this and want to get out, since you have the will and accept that it´s a degrading act, you´ll be free and soon have your peace. I support you and hope you can get rid of this horrid behaviour.

 

you re a brute , nothing more, nothing less.

 

Imagine defending cuckoldry. Even when the OP says it's ruining his sex life and plaguing him with shame.

 

Nah, you´re just degenerate enough that you´d puke and lick it off the ground. Which by all means, keep doing it, but not hijack the OPs thread to defend your shitty behaviour.

 

Thanks
I will send u a dm later today

 

Admission is a good place to start. How long have you been clean from drugs? I have 9+ years. I have found the process of recovery is quite similar.

Like, I had to shut out all access to porn, and I found a group of guys through my church that are a support network. Real simple: I changed "playgrounds and playmates".

I've tried to quit multiple times. Things really shifted when I went from trying to make this about will-power and self-improvement to humility and needing God's grace. There's a guy who gets screenshots from every device I own and we stay in communication regularly, so I am accountable to someone. I'm Catholic and I go to confession regularly. Forgiveness and penance are an important part of my recovery. I don't know what your faith is, but I hope you can find someone you trust or a counselor who can help you and your wife find healing.
I also come on this forum pretty regularly and talk about where I am at and try to help others who are in the same situation. That has helped me a lot because it keeps recovery at the forefront of my mind.