How to deal with my urge to visit the website again?

You have trained your brain to expect gratification from these videos. It's going to take a lot of effort to stop viewing them. And being "aware" and "mindful" takes work & effort. And, to be honest, being "mindful" is not for everybody. It is possible you are not someone who wants to practice it, which is no sin. Find the path that is best for you, but be prepared to work much harder than you are right now. Good luck.

 

I would ask myself, "What do I need to do to be free of this porn addiction?"

I would resolve that I will not give up until I find the answer and be willing to take action. No matter how many times I relapse, I'll dust myself off and learn from the experience, try something else. Mindfulness didn't work, so what's next? Maybe I need to do a combination of things. Maybe I will need to become a different person entirely.

If I maintain this resolution that I will not give up trying, I am guaranteed to recover. And when that realization sinks in that I will never give up, that's when my addiction will give up.

 

The only thing that works for me is seriously restricting my self from porn and artificial sexual stimulation.

I don't know how to refuse urges when I can access it. If I have managed to refuse these urges when I have been able to access it in the past this doesn't last very long at all.

I have been very low this morning, I have been worrying about something. I had thoughts this morning thinking it would be good to get on some porn and artificial sexual stimulation. It wasn't even so much an urge I was getting, like I didn't feel horny at all, I more wanted to get on the porn to comfort my self, to take my mind off my low mood and other worries.

But I couldn't get it and just had to do without. But make no mistake about it, if I could of got porn and artificial sexual stimulation earlier, I would of likely relapsed, I would likely of binged today.

There is just so many different things that could trigger us to use porn and artificial sexual stimulation. Feeling horny, feeling low, feeling stressed, heck even just feeling bored.

Then having instant easy access to this crap is just a disaster in my opinion. That's the way I see it, it's a disaster. Porn and artificial sexual stimulation is just too temping and can just be too good sometimes. It can be a temporary major stress reliever, it can temporary take your mind off your other worries, it can temporary cure boredom. Then we have this instant easy access to all this crap. Like I said it's a disaster waiting to happen.

I honestly think being seriously restricted is the only way for me. It's the only way that seems to work for me.

 

I have one of the oddest workarounds. I found I'm a pretty visual guy (I'm an artist and love looking at beautiful paintings design etc) I found even when I was weaning myself off P I was pulled to look at even vanilla stuff and even at times found myself looking at images of actresses I found attractive. One workaround I found was that I was eager to be stimulated by things that I found aesthetically pleasing so I replaced girls with... cars. YUP! Videos of beautifully made supercars, luxury cars etc. I actually found a lot of these car videos with ppl test driving cars scratch a similar itch. Looking at something beautiful. Visceral excitement. Etc. I find after watching a video for 10 or so minutes I can often get back to what I need to do.