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Going from porn addiction to sex addiction

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Rival, Jun 13, 2015.

  1. Jun 13, 2015 #1
    Rival

    Rival Fapstronaut

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    I am having a serious addiction problem, and I don't quite know what to do about it :(

    The thing is - I quit porn a long while ago, and it was very very difficult for me to do so. I used to actively PMO at least every other day, while living/being married to my high school sweet heart since I was 18, and I am 39 now. I was watching porn for approximately 20 years straight. I would have normal sex few times a week and watch porn "in between" the real sex days. I don't know if this is important, but I started watching porn and having real sex pretty much at exactly same time in my life. Anyway, while working on quitting porn, I learned to stop jerking off altogether, because I discovered that jerking off would eventually lead me back to porn. So, it has been strictly no porn and no jerking off for a year. At this point in time I don't even crave porn nor jerking off, not even a little bit.

    However, I do crave a lot of real sex. And since I don't cheat on my wife, 100% of the "burden" came down on my wife like an avalanche. We tried to "manage" it by coming up with a schedule for when she would have "days off" some days a week. But lately I am losing all control when around her, and she is starting to become very pissed off about constant sex. I am talking about every day kind of sex. It has become a real problem now. My wife at this point is pretty much telling me to go and "take care" of myself when I can't go to sleep next to her, and she no longer cares if I watch porn or go pay a hooker, just because of unreasonable amount of sexual demands I am putting on her. I am not going to get graphic here, but she does everything I ask for in bed, however she is playful mood only couple times a week, while I advance on her at every opportunity I get...

    I understand her position, but I have no idea how to control myself, and I don't want to neither jerk off nor cheat on my wife... Any suggestions?
     
    Rival, Jun 13, 2015
    Rival, Jun 13, 2015
    #1
  2. Jun 13, 2015 #2
    BlueNotes

    BlueNotes Fapstronaut

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    Well it sounds like you need to adapt and control yourself. Sex in a relationship is about the two of you. Do you want sex from her because you crave that connection and experience with her? Or you just want to passify yourself and get a "fix"?
    If she is doing all she can with the time she has, well dude, take it or leave it. You're not gonna die if you don't cum 7 days a week.
     
    BlueNotes, Jun 13, 2015
    BlueNotes, Jun 13, 2015
    #2
    Limeaid likes this.
  3. Jun 15, 2015 #3
    Justquit

    Justquit Fapstronaut

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    You are definitely a sex addict. You don't need to be addicted to real sex to be one, but your mind is craving the same dopamine rush and your wife has turned into a tool or object to serve that.
    It may be hard to admit or realize this but you need to reset your brain. It currently is running on high levels of demand for sex. If you picture a line graph with really high and low waves changing daily. Just before you have sex the desire goes way up, after sex the desire plummets down but begins shooting back up quickly after that.
    Most people who aren't addicts, after sex that desire takes more time to build back up.
    It's like eating. You're hungry so you eat. After you eat you're not hungry for a couple of hours. People who are addicted to eating will be hungry much quicker than the average person after a meal.
    The solution? Take a month or more completely off, then ease back into it with limits. No more then two or three times a week. Your limit is really up to you but it can be easy to just fall right back into demanding it everyday again
    Look into seeing a sex addiction therapist.
     
    Justquit, Jun 15, 2015
    Justquit, Jun 15, 2015
    #3
  4. Jun 15, 2015 #4
    Limeaid

    Limeaid Guest

    Do you have any tools for dealing with your desire once it gets worked up and your wife refuses you? You have beaten PMO so how did you deal with those urges or did you have them? Have you tried transmutation meditation where you transmute the sexual energy from your groin up and out towards your head? My husband does this sometimes. Also being very mindful of your thoughts might help. Basically acknowledging any sexual thoughts and then pushing them aside with some sort of mantra like "i am not in the mood for this" type of thought instead.
     
    Limeaid, Jun 15, 2015
    Limeaid, Jun 15, 2015
    #4
  5. Jun 15, 2015 #5
    Rival

    Rival Fapstronaut

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    Justquit: thank you for sharing this info, it does look like I crave sex very quickly after I just had one. Abstaining one month sounds like a sound idea, but I know it will be pretty hellish...

    Limeaid: How did I deal with those urges... Well I had pretty severe withdrawal symptoms. After few days of just no porn, I would try to masturbate without porn to "take the edge off", and it would only serve to drive me back to porn after some time. Eventually I talked to my wife about this, and she offered to keep the edge off by providing BJs on the "off" days, when we had no sex.

    Other than my wife taking care of me I never did have any tools or medications to take care of myself, and I am avoiding masturbation like hell because it led me back to porn in the past...
     
    Rival, Jun 15, 2015
    Rival, Jun 15, 2015
    #5

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