Dealing with self worth stemming from high school guilt

I'm sorry you feel this way @gaccts82 . In case someone else hasn't told you this, you do not need to earn the inherent worth you have as a human being, and it is not possible to lose it. I have struggled with this myself, often wishing I had done more in high school and college. I also sometimes struggle to talk about some things in my past, but when I have, I have never had someone think less of me because of it. If they do this to you, then they aren't worth your time anyway. We are all created in the Image and likeness of God, and we are all infinitely loved by him, no matter how we may feel. You will be in my prayers.


p.s. Are you currently consulting a professional? It may be worth taking some time to consider.

 

Also, you're only 19! You've got a ton of potential left! Rather than focusing on your past, look to what you can do now in light of those experiences.

 

My high school was similar and college I experimented and found groups and people to connect with. Had to redo it when I moved cross country for work. You’re 19, you have plenty of time to define, refine, and reinvent yourself.

 

I battle that too. I’m reading a liberated mind by Stephen Hayes. Wish I had this book when I was 24 because I wouldn’t have drank away all my problems then fapped away too. It’s really helpful book for negatives self talk. Also read Brene Brown.

 

I know this might sounds harsh man but the best service you can do for yourself is to stop dwelling on your past, leave your past behind and start on a brand new chapter instead.
Not only will you leave much energy-draining garbage behind but you will also feel much better as well (as it saves you much energy and focus to not dwell about it anymore), plus, all people around you will also feel better and more positive the moment you actually cease it. Simply, because people can subconsciously sense and pick up the positive and negative vibrations you give off.

Another thing I have learned and experienced (now when I'm in my early 30's) is that people overall don't care too much about you and your past. The fact is: Fewer people than you think do actually give a s**t at all about your past, especially if you seem like a cool/great dude to be around. I did myself have some very rough High School years with mean, insecure and shallow classmates overall, whose obsession with status, gossip, fake-friends and status didn't appeal me at all. Plus, I had divorcing parents, acne all over my face (looked like a salami almost), braces and oily hair which flushed my confidence and self-esteem down the gutter.
I did have very few friends during this time and felt like the least desirable person in the world. But, despite those rough and often lonely years (where being an introvert and original is quite challenging) to this day, I am happy that I went through them because they shaped me into a stronger man and learned me so many things I have use of today. If I would tell all my friends, acquaintances and colleagues about my rough High school years, they wouldn't give a s**t since I contribute something great to their lives which is what matters to them today.

The choice is yours, whether you want to be an eternal victim (dwelling on your past forever) and be stuck in life or instead chose to not become one with your past (identify with it), leave it behind and look forward to the great things that are ahead of you. That's what I did a few years ago and my life has only become better since and people couldn't care less about my past, which was actually in no way extremely unique or tragic for the typical teenager/adolescent.

 

Man it is so weird to try to come up with some insight.

I graduated high school back when the telegraph was "cool"

so there's that...

But one thing you will discover that can happen

is that if you decide to leave the past behind,

then that's where it stays.

You can be who you want.

You can be social, antisocial, or flexible to your priorities.

Sometimes you meet someone who acts weird,

throw them away, just be you.

I always struggled with being in or out of different crowds in life.

In high school I was halfway in, and people could tell I worked hard.

But I was "in" when the hot girl started dating me.

Then in college I was in when i rushed a fraternity.

After living in Animal House for a year,

I realized that was for the birds.

Then I moved to a remote part of campus,

and I was definitely an outsider.

And mainly in adulthood I have been an outsider.

So ask yourself this one question:

What does that person or that group have that I need?

What is the cost to be with them or him or her?

Keep in mind to be economical with your time and emotions.

Because when you graduate, you are unlikely to see most of these people again.

 

I know exactly what you mean as I have been in that situation myself so many times. But what I have also noticed is that people who are too anxious about what others think and hence follow the track of the mainstream, rarely perform or do something extraordinary during their lives. The fear of stepping out of that track is what will keep them on the rug for years and decades to come. When shallow people judge or question me about something like that my replies are always: "How does that has to do with anything?", "Why would a man with my qualities waste my time and bother with most of today's women?", "Why do you need to do what everyone else is doing? and how does that regular path seem to work out for most people", "Being icy and selective as a man these days are qualities I'm proud of", etc.

I bet that many of the self-made billionaires and successful entrepreneurs out there have had similar issues but didn't sweat it too much as they were too busy building something big instead. And as they did that, money and a huge selection of girlfriends followed in its footsteps. So many men in their 20's these day think get fed the blue-pill and BS-belief that their physical and resource-prime coincide with that of women which isn't true at all.
Men have their prime way later (it starts at 30 but is usually at a peak between the ages of 35-50) whereas women have theirs much earlier (between 16-30) which is why I advice most men in their 20's to focus on their careers, fitness, friends and hobbies/interests and delay the reward further ahead instead of picking and settling down with a very average Western woman right away who (most likely) won't contribute a lot to that relationship overall.

 

Seriously you have never heard of the telegraph?

They used it in the late 1800s to send morse code.

It was the initial reason the telephone wires were built.