Dear males :v

To be centered has very different connotations to a lot of people, but it varies immensely with how stable one’s life is. I think when you view being centered as “not having sexual thoughts” or “avoiding the triggers that escalate these bad feelings in me,” it puts so much emphasis on the thing we are trying to avoid...and hence one can become extremely dissociated, and fast. Now, building over these and having these goals is no issue at all. Progressive avoidance can be extremely helpful, but I want to address this first. It seems like after doing this a few months (still not a full 30 day streak yet) I am finding my life to be centered on the things I want to pursue, and am focusing on action goals.

A good majority of philosophers in the Western canon allude to action from time to time. Some names which come up for me are Kant (the categorical imperative), Aristotle (curiosity to understand the world around you), and then of course the stoics as referred to above. I also strongly think of Hannah Arendt’s The Human Condition (1958) when examining action, through her take on the viva activa (Aquinas’s concept, but reworked for 20th century thinking). Men, when they are in a better state, are really able to insert themselves into the world and be authentically themselves. It’s because there is more energy, a sense of focus. It’s also from realizing that they need to have a system of thought and of thinking that doesn’t lend to degrading oneself extremely quickly over time or lead to mental instability. Think about it. If I were to say that fapping caused every single issue for me, and I focused all of my life to fix this issue, there is inevitably going to be a time where continuing to center on this will hurt one’s progress—NoFap is an impetus to start reasoning, to begin thinking, to get help, to put energy elsewhere. Eventually, as I am finding, the NoFap is a lifestyle preference that I’m building drive to have. NoFap is a kindle to a fire, but not a center—or rather it once was, but is now a mere part or a small focus I give to the much larger world building I do.

Last point: World building is something anyone can do. It takes feeling and emotion to build up a world as much as reason does. It’s why men can be so logical, but then feel detached at times from their surroundings. I believe being agitated by each and every thing is a sign that maybe things aren’t being considered. I know men who easily get bothered by gossip, by fleeting thoughts, by anxiety and fear, and they aren’t exactly the most courteous or stoic men I know. Rather, I want to stay away from them.

There’s something extremely powerful about just being in the world. It should be just as powerful and accessible to women as it is for men, at least in the potential to reason.

 

I am afraid they get more alien the more you read them, regardless of whether it is West or East. And yes it is a hard lesson, but gets a bit and a bit easier with time. May you find success in doing that.

 

I believe it is possible that you give signals of retaining. Unfortunately I have depression so my triggers go along with being lonely and no socialization. That is my major downfall.. Life will throw bullshit at you weather you like it or not. There are billions of people in the world and they all give off different receptors and so does your body. Its hard to dip dive and dodge. Threw retaining you gain a great view of more vulnerability and vitality to deal with problems.