I had to give up the desktop app that I use to keep in contact with my friends.

I am basically in a situation I can't access any porn or artificial sexual stimulation at all. I can't really access anything that causes me relapse. I can plan on accessing porn and artificial sexual stimulation a week in advance basically, if I want to. But I don't get anything like that there and then. I have achieved this through a few different configurations on my laptop, and a few different blockers I use. I have also achieved this by getting rid of of my smartphone and every other device I can access the internet on. I don't even have a tv.

Basically my blocking system has just kept getting stronger and stronger over the years. But because I have had a system like this for so long, I basically feel like I can't cope with having it any other way. So I can't handle being able to access a little bit of artificial sexual stimulation and needing to just use my own willpower to refuse it. I basically can't handle that. I have basically been using a system where I have hardly needed to use any of my own willpower for a long time. I much prefer it this way, because it's like progress is made with ease. I don't need to worry about relapse etc, because I just can't access the stuff.

But I did run in to some trouble recently. Now I'm not going to say the name of this application in case anyone on here tries to access porn on it. But I have used a desktop application to chat to my friends for years, and recently I ran in to some trouble where I discovered if you type certain usernames in to the application, sometimes it finds pornographic pages. So for example @exampleusername. But what some users have been doing is creating a username of a pornstars name and putting pornographic content on their channel. Most of the channels I found were very minor, just the odd picture on it, and the very odd very short video clip. This wasn't that much of a big deal to me, as I didn't find any of this that appealing anyway. Then I did find one channel that I found a bit concerning. over 70 full length porn videos of a pornstar that I used to watch on it. So I did relapse to a few of these videos. But the strange thing is even this didn't do that much for me, I got bored of it really quickly. But then just the other day I found this channel that is a massive problem for me. Over 240 full length porn scenes of this porn director/actor that I used to watch for years and years, and it was my favourite porn for probably nearly a decade. It was a porn director and actor that does all this hardcore porn with female pornstars.

Well this is a massive problem for me, and from what I can tell a few new videos are being uploaded daily on that channel. It's just a huge problem.

This alone has been enough for me to block this application.

But it is very upsetting to me. Because this application was the only thing I use to keep in touch with my friends online. Isolation is bad enough at the moment.

But I know for a fact relapse will likely happen far to often if I can access these porn videos on this application. I complained to the company, flagging the page as pornographic, as they are not supposed to tolerate pornography. But yet the page still remains up.

Do you guys think I made the right call blocking this application?

It's just a nightmare, because I am missing out on the good side of the internet and technology, all because porn needs to come at you from all angles on the internet.

 

Yeah from time to time I usually run in to some kind of trouble.

It's a frustrating reality that yes I can quite easily do without porn and artificial sexual stimulation, when I can't access it. Like I'm not like some heroin addict ill with withdrawals, or some severe alcoholic sitting shaking with withdrawals desperate for a drink. When I can't access porn and artificial sexual stimulation I hardly even miss it.

But put it in front of me and that is quite a different scenario. It's a harsh reality.