The hookers from hell….

I guess I relapsed. Hard. And since I do not have anybody to talk to, I decided finally to post the story and my questions here.

I did not watch P or M'd, but I most definitely O'd.
Last weekend I was out with a friend and we had lots of beers. After a couple of hours he decided to go home and my first thought was, that I should do likewise. But I didn't. Instead I went back to the last club we have been to, and I continued drinking. At first I was on my own but then there were more people and it was actually pretty much fun.
But now the story takes a turn to the worst.
I hardly can remember what happened next. All I know is, that I withdrew a bunch of money from an ATM and that I drank lots of booze. The next memories in my mind are: a hot tub, two beautiful blonde hookers and a typical brothel room.
The rest of the night is still blurred. Some other fragments come to my mind now and then, but nothing too serious, just me on my way back home in broad daylight.

The thing is, that this story has not happened the first time to me. Actually I already had a couple of nights like this. And they are always pretty much the same: booze, blackout, hookers.

So I ask myself, what's the deal with me?
Sure, easiest answer: drinking problem (I do not drink on a regular basis, but if I do, I get totally wasted and I always have blackouts of a couple of hours).
But on the other hand: is it okay to fight my urge to have sex by paying hookers?
Actually there is not really an urge to have sex, as long as I am sober. But I guess, when I am drunk there are many more factors to be taken into consideration, like e.g.: low self esteem, social anxiety disorder (well, at least something similar), loss of control,...

So is it okay to stay PMO free if I tend to act that crazy?
Or an even better question is: can PMO help people with certain problems? Isn't it better to PMO than to not have sex or to do something stupid like I did?

Besides: I am still porn and masturbation free since 73 days and I am still convinced that I do not want to ever watch porn (or masturbate) again - but it seems as if something in me wants to fulfill certain needs. So what can I do?

 

Thanks for your reply.
I actually do not beat up myself too much about that story, but I still think that something is wrong.
"Every crisis is an opportunity" - so maybe I can learn something. Eventually.

 

I already tried the "limited number of drinks" coping strategy and it worked pretty well for almost a year. But it seems as if I got careless.
And to be honest: your advice to date instead is maybe not well thought through.
Do you really think I would prefer blackout drinking and living a solitary life to dating and having a healthy relationship? I had my fair share of girlfriends and I loved being in a relationship but within the last couple of years a lot of things changed in my life and now it is almost impossible for me to get dates. And even if I would, I think almost every woman in the world would straight get up and leave if I would tell her stories like the one about last weekend.

 

Yes I think that you should focus on this and make it your highest priority. This is serious shit. Get some help, there are lots of ppl who struggle with this, lots of ppl who have been helped with different techniques. Forget your pride seek out therapy, groups, read books on it, find whatever helps.

I think it is the reverse. I think M seriously subverts men and makes them much more capable of harming themselves and others. But that's besides the point: clearly your main addiction is alcohol. Are you honestly trying to say if you had been fapping that night you would not have gotten drunk? That makes very little sense to me. I think had you been sexually exhausted you would have still gotten drunk and something else would have happened. And if you are like me: it would have been worse than prostitutes.

Look if you had gotten into a bar fight would you have blamed working out and staying healthy as the root of your problem?
If you had gotten in your car and started driving like a lunatic would you have blamed not having a better car?
etc. etc. the root of your problem is alcohol, not what you do when drunk, now you need to go to the root of the alcohol problem, and I don't believe for a second it is sex. It is far more likely some other emotional thing in your heart. Only you can find this. But getting help from a pro, and hanging out with ppl with similar probs, who are fighting to improve themselves, seems to be key to most ppl who get out of their addictions.

 

Thank you very much for your advice JackStrident, I really appreciate it. But what I actually meant was, that fapping might be a way to cope with some problems and it could work as a outlet (so if I would still have been used to fapping, I would not have visited hookers). But I see now that I was wrong.
Since I am still P and M free, I consider to up the ante and make a new challenge: PMO and B (for booze obviously ) free for some time. I actually like that idea, because staying porn and masturbation free means a lot to me, and so I can link my booze problem to it.
Finally I'd like to thank everyone of you for your advice. I am very happy that I stumbled upon this community, because this is really about helping one another.

 

He was out of control drunk out of his mind tho...

 

But he keeps repeating the behavior and is aware of it, I mean ya we can blame alcohol here but the man is aware of what he is doing, he knows that when he gets shitface hammered he is gonna seek out prostitutes and pay for sex.

I agree with you though the man has a drinking problem most likely and the only way to stay away from the hookers is going to be to get clean.

Hey John Son do you think any woman really wants to be a hooker? Perhaps, but I don't think most grow up telling their Mom and Dad they wanna sell their body when they grow up to drunk horny men.

I'm an addict and alcoholic and fully understand what happens when I drink, it's not like I am not able to be blamed for my actions under the effects of alcohol.

I have also been with escorts years ago in the midst of my active chemical addictions. I always treated the women nice, but I knew they would choose not to sell their body for sex if a better way of life opened up for them or they overcame the demons holding them on that wrong road to hell, you wanna join them and encourage their demise on that road?

Ask yourself John Son, are you really comfortable being the kind of man who pays women for sex? I mean basically you are on the same level as those involved in sex slavery and human trafficking if you keep supporting prostitution. Porn is just stylized and glamorized prostitution on camera.

 

Lol himmelstoss you love the cuckold terminology bro!

Oh man, ya I personally knew a prostitute who enjoyed being with Johns, granted she must have been spoiled by someone or something at some point in her life to make her go down that dark and twisted path.

One prostitute I was with thoroughly enjoyed what she did, granted when I said 'fuck you bitch' in jest after making a poor attempt of going down on her and her telling me I didn't know what I was doing she demanded I leave and that men do not disrespect her even though I meant no harm (I was shitfaced with a head full of zolpidem to even go over to a night lady's house let alone go down on her).

Alright that's the last whorror story you hear from me.

 

I think you are telling yourself a story. The story goes like this "when I drink I am not in control....When I drink I do things I wouldn't normally do....I am not responsible because I got shitfaced". Unfortunately you and I both know that you are completely deceiving yourself.

Now is the time to look within and get REAL with yourself. Get honest about what you are doing. Stop the excuses and make some changes.

 

I don't think telling your clients you hate fucking strangers for money is the best business strategy! Kind of like a babysitter telling you she hates kids .

 

You misinterpret me. I was not a client of that prostitute. I knew her personally, she told me of her life and her prostitution days.

Also, I made it clear that they took a wrong turn in life, as I said when they were young kids with their purity in tact surely they did not envision themselves becoming prostitutes. At some point in their life someone or something (drugs for example) influenced them to become licentious whores who delight in fucking men for their money.

Not all prostitutes are innocent and warm hearted filled with sexual purity.

Some are very devious and horny women.

But surely most would not choose the life, as I thought I made clear in my above posts before himmelstoss brought an example to the table of a prostitute whom enjoyed what they did.

 

@Kenji perhaps I did misinterpret you and I did not mean to offend you. You did use the term "one prostitute I was with" which I took to mean that you paid for sex with her. I also was just making a general comment that most prostitutes are not going to say they hate what they are doing. Maybe there are prostitutes that love doing what they do but I can't imagine they are telling the truth. But hey what do I know!

 

You did not offend, I just feel that you think all prostitutes don't truly enjoy what they do. I would agree that perhaps somewhere around 98-99% don't.

Deep down, the prostitutes I speak of, even the woman himmelstoss mentioned, and even pornographers who are at a level of evil below actors actually, but most actors end up becoming producers once they are in deep enough, all of those corrupted people are inherently pure and have the potential to become good hearted people. Lust has taken over them to the point of getting thrills from being paid to have sex with random men and women.

Unforunately many become corrupted by greed, lust, and other poisons of the mind and end up falling onto a dark and twisted path and will have to suffer unspeakable torments in hells beyond possible description.