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My porn usage has got better, but I just don't know if I will ever be able to stop it altogether?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by skaterdrew, Nov 2, 2020.

  1. Nov 2, 2020 #1
    skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    Basically what happened is last night one of my blockers on my laptop got a bug, which basically caused the blocker to fail. I have done away with my smartphone and all other devices I can access the internet except my laptop. Basically I have my laptop configured a certain way where I literally can't access any porn or artificial sexual stimulation at all. I can't access literally anything that causes me to relapse when everything is in force and running smoothly. But because of the way I have configured my laptop this blocker that failed last night is basically the padlock that locks my laptop, locking me away from all porn and artificial sexual stimulation, and also locking me out of having administrator rights on my laptop. But this blocker also is basically the key that allows me to access all porn and artificial sexual stimulation, that gives me back administrator rights, that allows me to configure my laptop so that I can access anything I want again.

    Basically what happened last night is I noticed a program on my laptop was working that should of been blocked from connecting to the internet. This instantly made me check my main blocker, and I noticed it had basically reset. So at this point I knew I could configure my laptop to the point I could access anything I want. So this is what I did. When I first noticed this had happened I instantly got somewhat of a rush of excitement, then like I said this lead me to configure my laptop so that I could access all porn and artificial sexual stimulation again. So I ended up having a PMO session that lasted about 20 minutes. The thing is I didn't even enjoy it all that much. But then after this I thought no I need to stop this, and then I checked my blocker and it did have a bug, so I uninstalled my blocker and reinstalled it again. Luckily I have my entire configuration saved on my laptop. So it didn't take much work to get everything back up and running exactly like before again

    But yeah basically at one time if this had happened I would of went in to a full blown PMO binge. At one time no way I would of only PMOed for 20 minutes and been done. What would of likely happened at one time is I would of had a PMO, edging session that would of lasted multiple hours, and then after this I would of probably went in to a binge that would of lasted days. This is likely what I would of done at one time. But last night it was PMOed for 20 minutes, stopped, then fixed my blocking system again and blocked everything again.

    On the one hand I defientley do feel like I am improving. I mean if you think about my behaviour last night, I guess it would be similar to an alcoholic drinking a few beers and then thinking no what am I doing and stopping. This is much better than the alcoholic continuing to drink until they were drunk. The same way me stopping the PMO after 20 minutes is better than me going in to a PMO binge. But then on the other hand it concerns me how I can't stop this completely. I also get concerned because I think if I wasn't so restricted I wouldn't do well at this at all. That's really the only reason I think I do well is because of how restricted I usually am. I mean that basically confirmed that last night, the second I got a chance to PMO I did.
     
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2020
    skaterdrew, Nov 2, 2020
    skaterdrew, Nov 2, 2020
    #1
    becomingreat likes this.
  2. Nov 2, 2020 #2
    ruso

    ruso Fapstronaut

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    I think a lot of us question if we can stop watching porn forever. Or for that matter, it’s what happens when we try to build any habit for extended period of time. From experience overthinking about it, is what led me to fuck up in previous attempts.

    You fought yourself and prevented total chaos from taking over. And that’s what matters here. Learn from it, then move on.

    Watch out for the chaser effect though, so keep yourself more occupied than usual.
     
    ruso, Nov 2, 2020
    ruso, Nov 2, 2020
    #2
    skaterdrew likes this.
  3. Nov 2, 2020 #3
    FoundTheFreedom

    FoundTheFreedom Fapstronaut

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    I have blockers and such but I don't rely on them to stop me from PMO. They are there merely to remind me that I don't want to do that anymore. I have ADHD and I tend to forget things so my blockers are reminders. I have a blocker on my phone and one on my laptop. If you want to be successful at nofap, you need to define WHY you want to end your addiction. That reason will be a great motivation factor to aid you in succeeding. I'm giving up porn and fapping because my addictions have heavily damaged my relationship with my SO. I want to revive that relationship. She felt she had to compete with porn images which I have NEVER said that to her. I've been watching porn and masturbating to it for over 30 years. I've heard stories about human trafficking being a part of the porn industry. That disgusts me so that also helps me to stay strong against watching porn. I want no part in human trafficking, rape, and other horrible crimes behind the scene. So that's what motivates me. For what it's worth, it's a sign of progress that when you relapsed, it was a merely 20-minute session. It shows how much progress you've made. By the way, I also joined nofap to look at women more than just sex objects. They are full human beings with a heart, a mind, and a soul in addition to a body. I just felt it is time to end my addiction and at 59, it sure is time or maybe way past time. Either way, I'm done with porn. I hope you find a good reason to quit for yourself. You'll feel much better about yourself after a while. I do.
     
    FoundTheFreedom, Nov 2, 2020
    FoundTheFreedom, Nov 2, 2020
    #3
    skaterdrew likes this.
  4. Nov 3, 2020 #4
    mouton1998

    mouton1998 Fapstronaut

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    You should't be worried about PMO in itself, but from the lack of control you have on them.
    Porn blockers are a good tool to help you regain this control, but they will not save you every time. Unfortunately porn blockers which works at 100% don't exist, so you have to learn how to control your PMO (this means that you don't have to completely stop them, but that you have to "modular" them through your week).
    If I had been there I would have given you a round of applause. If you can import a duration it means you're doing a great job; keep it up. Next step is also importing a frequency in the PMO and learning to prioritize things.
     
    mouton1998, Nov 3, 2020
    mouton1998, Nov 3, 2020
    #4

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