Hi everyone, 30 year old struggling porn/sex addict. Remarkably 24 days sober right now. It's tough. My fiancé and I have a questionable future as our relationship has hit rock bottom because of me and the anger that porn causes. I've been living alone for four years now and my porn usage has increased dramatically which caused the addiction to literally take over my life. I've verbally abused my fiancé with verbiage I never knew I was capable of spitting out of my mouth. I don't even remember half the stuff I say when we fight. I feel so disgusted with myself and I can only hope I can be a better man. Off topic... if any mods see this and could perhaps pass it on... the monthly subscription to NoFap appears as "NoFap, LLC." on your billing statement. In the interest of privacy is there any way this can change to something a little more discreet?
Congratulations on 24 days. Can't start without starting. Can relate to the rage/anger. Zillion potential causes of course but, for me at least, one is the deception of 'my addict' being pissed off that "why can't I keep acting out and doing what my addiction wants me to do" and not have it mess up the rest of what's in my life. Problem is it ALWAYS does. Keep going, good start.
Man, that's so true. It's amazing how more and more aware I see myself becoming the more I go without porn. I can literally catch my "addict" self trying to take over again. An you're absolutely right... it always will mess up other aspects of our lives. Thank you for the words of support!
Yeah, that self awareness that comes is the beginning of healing, IMO, and it's really cool to start getting at what we've been trying to numb ourselves from but also really hard and can get bizarre sometimes. Our addict brain will keep trying to get back in through a million deceptions. Stay determined today and build in some small or large way on your goals.
