My thinking about sissy porn.

I have my theory of sissy porn.

I'm 38, been masturbating since 12.
With high speed porn(before it was magazines and vhs tapes), from when they started, i think in 2006 or something like that.
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I've been an alcoholic.
I've been adicted to cocaine.
Ive been addicted to cigaretes
I think i had a sex addiction at some point.

So you understand the place i started i'll share a little of me.
I'got bullied at school and had very low self esteem. Gus would tell me i would die a virgin and stuff like that. I lost my virginity at 17 and i think its late because i had classmates that did it at 14 or 15.
So when i got to senior year i proposed myself i would be the man. I would be a sex
God and all would be jeaolus and would admireme. So I did it.
A lot of years of fucking, a looot of women.
Some hot as you wouldnt imagine, some really ugly.
But it wasnt enough, i always masturbated no matter what. And i was always looking at different new things to exite me.
I went from one category to another and ended watching transwomen.
At that point i didnt have any sexual problem.

But the thing escalated and years after I'm in this sissy haze that's really difficult to break.
I crossdress, and is mostly sexual. I've been with trans escorts and one time with a guy.
But i didnt like the thing. While i was being fucked i remember thinking this is boring. Same as when i was sucking cock.
My last girlfriend was really hot, had a perfect body and was horny all the time, so we fucked like animals everytime we were together. And on that time my porn co sumption lowered but never ended.
But when the thing ended i was back on track with all the crazy life again. Cocaine 2 or 3 days in a row with alcohol, binge watxcing sissy hypnos. For like 8 months.
And finnally when i was in quarantine all alone in my sisters house i started to dress all days, buying thing to masturbate annally, talking with guys on grindr to have a meeting.
Until i hit bottom with the cocaine.
I destroyed mi sisters apartment and got into jail. It was just for the night but i was done, no more drugs and alcohol.
I have this therapist that i go that specializes on addictions and it has helped me a lot.
He has said to me countless times that i should stop porn and i tried with no results.
He explained to me that porn falls under the caregory of behavipral addictions like addiction tp gambling. It works the same way in the reward system of the brain.
But i stopped one time last year. And started dating. Tinder dates. I got this horny chick that wanted my dick so hard. And i was really horny.
But since i hadn't had sex in over a year and the porn addiction, i couldnt got hard. I felt like a loser.
This has happened 3 more times, even when i got momentarily back with my ex. After the furst sex day i was half erect. I still find her so damm arpusong that mi dick still works with her.

So, to get to the point.
Porn is an addiction.
Masturbation can become an addiction, but for me is mpr about looking at porn, because i've tried to masturbate without it and it doesnt work.
Crossdressing is an addiction too, there is no "im transgender stuff if you are looking at porn"
I've been with a lot of trans escorts and ALL of them when i started talking to them, started the same way. Escalation, wants to be treated like garbage, some of them wants to dominate men.

This tipe of porn thrives on your insecurities as a man. I was living with my parents at 37, broke because of drugs, no money, no job, no girfriend. So it resonates with the part of you that feels inferior. It has a taboo component, and a thrill of it being secret. So its a really strong drug.


How do i know its an addiction?
I've read all about neuroplasticity, neurotransmitters, dopamine, reward system and so. Most of you already know all of this.
But no, i know its an adiction because it feels the same. THE SAME as cocaine and nicotine.
Your mind dissapears when you binge, you just want another fix.
You just want to dress one more time and afterwards masturbate.
I even have an instagram of My alter ego. I'm pretty hot. A lot of guys talk to me and i get this rush talking to them knowing they think i'm a girl, or crossdresser.

Yesterday i woke up early and did a lot of things and was really happy about it, but after lunch i masturbated reading one comic about feminization and then it started, the rest of the day i was masturbating with those comics, and talking on grindr.

Is the same shit. You start, you can't end it. And afterwards you feel like shit.
Of course you will have sissy thoughts after you quit, is normal. I still get thoughts of cocaine and sometimes i crave it. But i wont do it again because i know is going to leave me alone because my family told me that was the last straw, and i will destroy my life.

So with porn i'm still strugling to stop, but when i do i'll treat everything the same way.
On monday i have a meeting with my therapist and a friend that is going to help me. I'm going to block all porn from my pcs and phone and give him the passwords.
Just so you know for those who know the deepweb, TOR bypases the blockings so you will have to block tor website too.

Then fight the craving, maybe forever, it passes on intensity but it stays.

Start having sex. Rent an scort if you must. Maybe once a month. But you have to know that they're a tool to rewire your brain.
Dont fall in love with them, dont think they like you for what they do to you, it's just their job.
And meet girls, normal girls and have relationships or be a manwhore, i dont judge.
I want my sex life back, i want to have control of myself, this is the last piece.
After this i will be a free man.
And that is something to strive for.

Tl:dr
Porn, crossdressing, sissy, are an adiction the same as cocaine pr nioptine and i speak from personal experience of being an addict to both. Add to that all the scientific evidence.
Stop porn for good. Maybe after a while you can go back to masturbate once or twice a week, amd that is normal, but without porn.

I hppe this helps with spme pf ypu that struggle with your identity now. I did it until i started noticing that i still lpve girls and asses and tits.
The rest is just a fantasy.

Well i think i was too lpng, i hope some of you appreciate this post.

Have a great life

 

I dont think you can go back to normal porn, because you need more stimulation. Tou will start with normal, then hardcore l, then sissy again. And afterwarda crossdressing. And i can tell you is addictive. Looking at the mirror and seeing a girl is exiting, so you train your brain to enjoy it. I think men that doesnt like to crossdress dont do it just because they are afraid they will like it, sane as anal sex. And because it's taboo.
The thing is, the more you do it, the less pleasure you get, and you escalate.
Normal porn>hardcore>sissy>crossdressing>hook ups and sex crossdressing> transition> depression or suicide because you crossed a line and you finally open your eyes at what you have done and kbow that isn't you, it is an ilussion. But you can't go back.
Read about the rate of suicide on trans persons.
I think most of the transgender people around are just addicted to porn and not really transgender.