I just joined NoFap after learning about it yesterday. Recently I started learning more about my addiction and came across this community. After researching solutions I do not believe that I am ready for an inpatient treatment program or any sort of in person 12 Step program and exposing my problem to my friends family and coworkers. At least not now. I’ve been sober off drugs and alcohol for more than 14 years and I don’t take addiction consequences lightly. My mental health is in a immediate state of concern and I believe it is largely due to my porn addiction and the inherent self destructive behavior that accompanies it. My plan is in motion: I’ve gotten honest about my reality with a good friend that I trust very well and it opens the door to personal accountability. Tomorrow I start the 90 day Hard mode 3/31 I meet with my therapist and intend on actually being honest and taking professional direction Tomorrow I start a new medication prescribed for my diagnosed depression. I hope that my post doesn’t come across as self assured. The reality of my current situation is that I’m completely terrified. I work from home with my fiancé away for 8 hours a day. I typically have been avoiding work to engage in my addiction. I want to be clear that I’m hopeful and open to any advice, suggestions, direction, etc. I’m acutely aware that this addiction is capable of taking my life from me if it’s not treated.
Great to read about your concrete plan. I myself have made my first appointment to get therapy, have started Hard Mode for 90 days (at least), have had several conversations that after 20+ years of marriage can honestly talk about my PMO habit of over 40 years and the triggers and the other things about that behavior. I myself have ordered several books to read and learn more, they can be a very inexpensive format to learn great truths from. Since I haven't read any yet I can't offer any recommendations! ♂️ All the best to you.
I look forward to hearing more about your journey and the tools you find successful along the way. Today is day 5 for me and I’m truly happy that I’ve begun this journey. It’s been one of self realization, honesty, and self improvement. Initially all I was looking for was the shame to stop. I’ve been given so much more.
Me too! The relief that after 40 years of shame I can just... let it go. Having someone I can talk plainly about (my spouse first, a therapist second, anonymous NoFap support third, and likely a yet-to-be-determined friend fourth) to make it concrete is a true blessing. And I know myself well enough to know there will be challenges, even today on day 4 (or is it 5?) I realize that the fact that I can talk about it means that P comes up in my consciousness just because I've been talking about it openly. Yet another thing to be aware of, we become particularly sensitive at this time. I deleted those multi-reddits that were NSFW, and for good measure have stopped visiting Reddit altogether. As a matter of fact I took the puppy out twice today, one for a long walk with the family, another for a late-afternoon visit to the dog park. Great use of time, just to spend with others (the spouse came along both times). Doing less of online things (including no more P altogether) means I'm going to have space for other offline things (including working out, and reading specifically). For me, all I am looking for is to not get divorced. (!!) It's a forcing function, a binary choice, either I stop PMO now, or I ruin and sabotage an entire 20+ years of a shared life along with several kids still in school. With those kinds of clear consequences, well I can get my butt into gear, and solve this even though there's 40+ years of programming to reverse. And I have no illusions it will take years to recover, and I'm starting now, 24 March 2021. I hear you about 12-step programs. While speed-listening through J.K. Emezi's podcast of '5 steps to P rebooting' (or something like that), he mentions a one-size-fits-all personality that 12-step people end up becoming. While I've rejected Emezi's approach (high five-figure counseling targeting HNW individuals such as executives and entrepreneurs) there's wisdom in his materials, along with others. I am so looking forward to changes in my own personality from here. Positive changes, affirming ones, where I end up valuing my spouse, valuing my marriage and family, valuing the new honesty and openness, that only living 100% 'in the light' can give.
