Will I ever Recover from this mess?

It is a battle. I have been fapping since 15 and now am 36. No matter how bad it gets keep fighting. Choose freedom over this prison.

 

I've read many stories of guys M'ing multiple times a day. They are in the lowest of the reboot spectrum as they feel worse and need more time to recover but recovery is possible.

Unfortunately I can't say it with certainty yet because I havn't rebooted myself. I'd say for your case 90 days is beginning, you will probably need much more than that but hey just start doing nofap day by day and gradually you should feel better.

Read success stories in the related section. Good luck

 

I'm in the same situation, but this gay/trans thing started in the last 1.5 years, till then I didn't watch this type of porn. I watched it very rarely in this period till now. I watched straight porn as well in that period, more than this type, but in the last months things started to get a bad turn.

I feel depressed, anxious, confused and scared. Lately I started to question my sexuality and it is a total mess. I never been attracted to men in reality, it was just the porn. I've watched much worse types of porn than trans/gay, but I didn't really care about it because it was just porn. But yeah, I overthink things too much.

90 days will surely not be enough, I think it will take about 12 months to 18 months, maybe more. Then maybe we both will see things much clear. I even tried to accept that I'm bisexual, but it didn't felt right. It felt like a lie. I'm an overthinker and a naturally paranoid person so things got much worse in my case.

I wish you luck and if things get more complicated consult a therapist specialized in sexual problems and mental health. I have my first meeting next week.

 

Hello friend. You will recover if you do not PMO longer than 90 days. The type of porn you watched are known as the “cocaine” of the porn world. It is very powerful and triggers many dopamine receptors. My advice would be to do a one year no PMO to fully reset to default, as you are younger than many other members who need only 90 days.

 

It will take 90 days to reach 90 days.

Every thought you have saying otherwise is there to either get you to relapse or to give you an excuse to relapse.

Now of course "how?" is the question. For some it takes months to find out how. I recommend journaling - finding out what shit habits make you feel like ass and drive a relapse response. You may recieve triggers from feeling very positive or negative. It's all about learning about yourself. Porn is actually ingenious and is in place to subdue men and attach a plaster to their problems. If you aren't smart whilst on this journey, you'll fail many times until you realise the effort you must put in. Less effort comes with better planning.

In cases you do relapse - you will relapse if not prepared properly. You should write a report containing what lead you to relapse and how you felt after.

If you can do all this for 90 days you'll be amazed to see your true colours. I'm only on Day 55 and I feel free.

 

I think if you do some searches on this forum, you'll find that straight men getting off to gay porn is not unique. You are not alone in this area. And it certainly doesn't mean you are gay or have a desire to be.

Personally, I am attracted to some fetish porn which I have NO interest at all in acting out in real life. I'm attracted to types of videos that don't make any sense outside of a porn site. Our brains want something new all the time. Once we watch one video a couple of times, we may quickly lose interest in it and move on. And once we have seen plain old vanilla porn, our brains don't react to it as much as it used to. It wants new and will often attach itself to anything new that it runs across.

So just understand that what makes sense to you - what you think you should be interested in IRL - is NOT what your addiction always wants to feed on.

Wet dreams are NOT a problem. In fact, I see it as a sign that you are doing well in withholding from PMO. They are sometimes your body's natural sexual release. I had my first one when I was 50 years old. So be okay with those. They will go away with time as your body and brain adjusts.

And finally, remember that 'edging' (looking at porn but not actually coming) is just as damaging as masturbating. Your addiction feeds on 'Pixxels' and has learned that the fake stuff is what it wants to bring you sexual satisfaction and/or feed some underlying need to be comforted. The addiction did not happen overnight. It took a long time to get where it is. And while it doesn't take nearly as long to retrain it back to where it should be, it won't happen overnight and it won't happen if you don't work at it. But it can and does happen to people every day.

Be patient with yourself. Be compassionate and don't beat yourself up. Instead, pay attention to what you learned: Where were you when it happened? How were you feeling? What can you do to prevent that same scenario from happening again? Things like that.

Good luck to you today.

-ITM

 

I'm probably one of the worst cases on this site. Started prone masturbation at four years old, became an alcoholic and sex addict, ended up having sex with males and transwomen despite identifying as straight. I'm 42 years old now. I was already in deep flatline when I started retention.

Now I've regained all sexual function and have no interest in males/transwomen.

Trust me when I say if I can get better anybody can get better.

 

What was your time table.

Like when did you start trying to quit?

How long from the time you started until the last time you gave in to the fetish?

How long until you started to get back to normal? Normal meaning that your sexual urges were less and less the fetish and more natural.

 

After seeing a prostitute, not being able to get hard, and feeling spiritually bankrupt I decided to put my sexuality on complete pause. Cold turkey. My journey began on November 23rd, 2019. The last time I hooked up with a transwoman was probably within six to eight months before that.

I was in flatline even before I started. For the first six months I was completely asexual. No interest in women, sex, and no feeling at all in my loins.

After that I could sense the nerves in my loins but still not get hard. I started having lustful thoughts, sometimes about women and sometimes about guys/transwomen. I stopped fantasizing about guys/transwomen sometime after a year.

Around the beginning of month 16 is when I first started to feel life down below. Periodically I would test myself and try to get an erection by fantasy alone. It worked but it would always send me back into flatline.

Last weekend, shortly after beginning month 19 is when things took a sharp turn for the better. I woke up ridiculously horny with morning steel. Later in the afternoon while having lunch I got a random, full, sensitive erection. It must have been a hell of a sandwich.

Now my libido is 100% back but I'm not used to it yet so I'm still overwhelmed. To give you an idea, one of my attractive female coworkers came into the office a little earlier. Without even seeing her I could smell her perfume mixed with her natural musk and instantly got insanely horny like a dog in heat. My goodness if that is how she smells I can only imagine what she tastes like...

 

Actually I never had a porn addiction, masturbation was my main vice. I'm in my 40s so porn was not accessible at my fingertips during my formative years (thank God).

I was hooking up with male and transwoman escorts occasionally while still having sex with female prostitutes. It's a bit complicated but to put it simply I was doing it for the dopamine rush. The taboo and novelty factor played into it.

 

Recovery is clearly possible. Not only will you get rid of this weird attraction to gay porn but you will also find regular women more arousing (even without exaggerated features). It may take some time, let’s say 90 days at least but your brain will unlearn to associate (weird) porn with arousal. Carry on.

 

No I wouldn't because as crazy as this sounds (unless you are a sex addict) I was never attracted to guys.

Escalating to sexual encounters with guys/transwomen was escalating my high because I had reached my tolerance with females. There were no fetishes left to explore.

After every encounter with a guy/transwoman I would always feel a knot of dread in the pit of my stomach. It did not mesh with my sexual orientation but I just needed something new.

This is where sex addiction can lead if left unchecked for a long enough period.

 

You don’t sound gay. Just stick with nofap and you will be ok. Don’t worry about relapses, if they happen, they happen. The main thing is to reset and carry on and learn something, so you don’t relapse for the same reason again.

 

Man, stop testing yourself to see if you get aroused with certain content. This will only lead to masturbation and even to watching porn again. Don't worry about erections, they will come.