IGNORANCE

A year had passed peacefully without any sign of it, until it occurred unfortunately last night. The will to subdue it was weaker like before so i coudn't control the urge to do so. I was dragged into it accidentally at 15, without even knowing what it was until i eventually realized what it's and what it has cost me. Since then, so many bad things had happened to me that words couldn't be able to describe. I will be turning to 22 soon, even thought of suicide but i won't do it. Weather you agree or not i'm just here to say what i have realised so please bear with me.

each of us should ask ourselfs these questions- where will it lead me? Who am i hurting? Have i got any satsfaction out of it? Obviously NO! But i can tell we're hurting us and everyone around us. Once the urge comes it never vanishes without accomplishing what it came for- tedious regression of vicious SIN! We should all say.. I am igniting the complication that this insanity creates to my whole being-my spirit, my brain, and my unfortunate mental health. God knows how much damage and impurity i'm causing to myself! How was i decieved into this? Subtly- without realising that i'm making preparations for it. Unconsciously slipping into IGNORANCE. But God warned me to look for it, it's i who couldn't probe the conspicuous signs that he had given me- such a pitty! What started as a miniature strangeness evolved into a total disaster. How was i deceived to do such a goss transgression? It is all blatant if i give this a little thought " IGNORANCE" - it breeds idleness which in turn reastrains me from doing anything positive. I am an underdog infront of this sin's entirety a whimp who couldn't stand a chance. Seems like Chances of vanquishing it by my bare self is scarcer than hen's teeth. Apart from not asking God's help i've no self discipline either. Spiritually poor, seduced by misleading modernity, and engrossed in ignorance I have done such a wretched deed! How can i be so filthy?

What can i say..but this...an ever present conceit has been growing in my heart unveiling its face in contending against God. Believe it or not, God is everywhere and he is watching his eyes always probing my deepest thoughts, my intentions, my soul, and every part of me. Who would evade such an idea unless someone who doesn't have a tiny fraction of love for christ. How come i never thoroughly felt that God is watching me? Alas! What's the point even if i felt, i am always absorbed in IGNORANCE!

Last night i failed-i were defeated heavily, but i'll stand like David did in his psalms. After all accounts of such men were written so as to give me hope to learn and change for the best. Even though every part of me resists the idea that God is with me i know he is. After all it's what a returned man feels that God has always been with him. My conscious echoes God's voice calling me from a place where he wanted me to be, a flickering hope i could see..From this day forward, i swear an oath to cut my ties with misleading modernity and thoroughly strengthen my spirituality! lessons to learn shouldn't be at the expense of destruction. I should return to God not from adversity, but from a love of him. I am abandoning Ignorance..goodbye! i am walking on masturbation never to look back on it- i really feel this all happened for the best.

And for all of you out there battling this wretched act, whatever may be you belive in please don't give up cause hope is always there! even when you couldn't see it.