Is escalation from PMO common? Like sexting strangers, sexting known people, answering ads for one night stands, etc? If you are a spouse do you treat this as worse, because as a spouse I definitely feel it is much more of a problem but I'm curious how other women dealing with this feel.
It is common. It happens. As the porn addict becomes desensitized to what they are currently doing, they have to seek more and more extremes to recieve the rush that they are addicted to. Some go to extreme categories of porn, some seek new methods like sexting, web cam, and hook ups with strangers, and I am sure there are other things out there that I havent listed. Some max out and experience ED. I have learned alot about this by reading the addicts' perspectives in the addiction forums. Anyone on here is pretty open to answering questions, I recommend getting an addict to give you insight to this escalation and how it happens. Reading about the shame and compulsion behind it all was eye opening to me. I will try to find the thread I found most informative. Yourbrainonporn.com is a very informative website that explains the science behind the escalation to extremes. NOT THAT THIS ESCALATION IS OK. AT ALL. IN ANY WAY. As far as "is it worse" Yes. It is. More risky (stds, reputation, employment for example), more damaging to the relationship, more painful to you, harder to heal from, yes yes and yes. The pain that those types of actions cause the spouse is beyond words. Its something you'll never forget, the resentment can linger for a long time afterwards. This is also a HUGE indicator of just how far an addiction has gone, if the addict has to seek out these extremes when he/she hasnt before. This is all the more reason your spouse HAS TO STOP. This requires your spouse to want to stop and to seek out the support system needed to do so successfully. Marriages have survived this, and become better than before afterwards, but it is a long hard road. It is a long hard road. If your spouse is committed to quitting and taking steps to make progress and change, then I wish you the best. This site is a great resource and support system. For both of you. If your spouse is not wanting to stop, its a hard decision that you may be faced with. Sometimes the addict is in denial for a long time before seeking help. Its sounds like you are in a rough situation to say the least, my heart goes out to you. There are other wives out there that are very helpful too that might have more insight. @Strugglesaurus is one that @JoeinMD didnt mention
Thank You for your reply. He is on here and says he wants to stop, and did really well for over two months, but I am realizing that I need to step back from him for my personal emotional health. I also need to figure out if I want the door for a relationship together to remain open or not. I consider online cheating to be cheating, and I don't take this lightly. I am not sure I'm interested in continuing to be repeatedly hurt.
I understand that completely, and I certainly respect it. You have to take care of you, first and foremost. What addicts do is never without consequences, and that is something he will just have to deal with. My heart goes out to you. I wish you the best.
That is a HUGE thing you just said there. That porn addicts have the same mental attitude as a rapist or sexual predator?? I'm wondering what research you have to back that up. I have done reading on rape and sexual predation and I feel that the objectification, misogyny, predation, and willingness to physically injure another human seem to be a far cry from porn addiction as I understand it. Can you further explain your comment?
I would say, unless you have been both a porn addict and a rapist, you can't really say for sure. However, even if you were to be both, you would be a rapist, but not solely a porn addict, so you still wouldn't be able to compare the difference between the two from personal experience. Most sexual predators, based on research, are interested in the controlling aspect over the sexual aspect. I also would venture to say that your own inhibitions, not wanting to actually hurt women, and your conscience, all things you pointed out that stopped you from raping or wanting to rape women, are exactly the differences between porn addicts and rapists. Perhaps it would be more appropriate to say that there are similarities between the two?
Yes, perhaps. That's why I said that the mental attitude is the same. Perhaps it would be better to say their view of women is the same.
My husband's "tastes" in genres escalted greatly. I recently just found out that he had registered on AshleyMadison.com. I guess he crossed the line from just watching porn to needing real contact. Exactly how far did it go? I don't know but I can tell you that escalation does happen and seems to be very common.
Oh man @Red1837. That was the first thing I thought when I heard of that site was I wonder if hubby's on there. That and how many other websites are there out there like that that I don't even know about? Sounds like you are in my boat where you can only guess what your husband is or isn't being honest about. I told my friend I can't walk around assuming he is lying, which is true, but it is really hard to walk around assuming he's telling the truth.
@NSLucky: I think its true to some extent the way brain and behavior gets change/altered.These all symptoms leads to escalation...sexual fantasy to images to videos to masturbation to ejaculations to extreme porn to ogling to lecherous view to online sexting to uploads to be physical with prostitutes to Ashley madison sorts and so on.Its all dangerous.All addicts are on different phases of this escalation and every phase/step is dangerous. It has the potential to change the perception about a woman and vice-versa.Means one always compares the woman hes meeting with the woman he has already seen in those videos,flash backs,feeling horny most of the times,changes in social activities like being alone,getting irritated most of times,viewing hard and unnatural stuffs,looking for prostitutes,hiding,lying,cheating,self-denials etc.Most of these changes that come from P can be seen in other addicts,rapist,criminals,anti social persons,this has been proved from their brain scans(you can refer to TedTalks for brain scans of these kind of people on Youtube).They are still not finished in it as these all are initial symptoms and neurologists,psychiatrists all are still working according to medical journals.It is not that easy as we think otherwise all would have been normalized in 2-3 weeks itself.Its a medical condition that needs to be treated when escalated to extreme extent.So its best to understand the things earlier and get help/do help. Good Luck!
Fully agree with this. For many people escalation becomes inevitable. My journey to stop PMO is precisely an attempt to put a definitive end to any form of escalation. I confessed my problem to my wife. She was devastated but in 500 days I have been able to restore trust. I am still struggling with the occasional PMO. PMO awakens a monster within the addict brain...Getting rid of this form of compulsion is an absolute necessity.
