Hi Everyone

Welcome!

Your partner has given you good advice and hope, that's great.

I hope you keep coming back, because this site has a lot of resources to help. You will find a lot of wisdom and encouragement in what others have shared here. Below my comment is a link that may help. And you'll find, I think, that the support here will help keep you on your path.

Keep coming back!

 

That motto is exactly what is going to be your ticket to your progressive success, absolutely awesome! S

 

Hi Matt and welcome.This is the place for you!

Your partner is so right. I think (I'm not very experienced) that women can support their men in almost anything but dishonesty. Be honest with her, and always with yourself.

By your name, I'm guessing you're about 30, so this is the exact time to kick this addiction.

Many guys here seem to struggle with various fetishes, and they have been able to become clean from them and all porn. So that's encouraging. (BTW, most nofappers consider it to be porn even if your fetish is fully clothed and does not have any kind of sexual behavior.)

Being determined is ONE of the essentials, Matt. A crucial one. Determination comes into play only when the temptations seem overwhelming and your mind games tell you all sorts of crap such as, Just once more won't hurt; she doesn't need to know EVERY time I fail; just about every guy does it, so it's gotta be normal; I'll just use a small amount of porn and not get involved in it like I usually did; it's the only way I can deal with stress/anger/loneliness/boredom/horniness/blahblahblah. I think we've all used most of those excuses---and ended up feeling worse than before. Many guys also testify to THINKING PMO or MO is the only immediate solution, but then don't do it, and what do you know---the urges subside fairly soon all by themselves.

Other components in breaking free include support (you have it from partner and us) and knowledge. There are many posts and forums on here with workable and successful strategies to help you. Look around and read. You can PM me if you like and I can share things that worked for me.

Do you feel you can share your journal with your partner? Or are there some things you want to talk about only to us guys? There's something to be said for either choice.

Finally, I recommend that before you go further, you take some quiet time to really think through just why it is you want and need to quit this addiction. Be specific (not just "to relate better to partner" or "to respect myself more", etc.). And imagine how you will be as a Man who no longer PMOs or MOs---how you will feel; what you will be able to do; what your partner will say about you; what people will notice about you.... All of these combine to be your motivators. I write mine down and keep them close.

So, determination, support, and knowledge. You must provide the determination, with no exceptions. Others supply the support and knowledge (you can also seek knowledge on your own, like going to sites like yourbrainonporn.com or to the videos here. (There are also videos on youtube, if you know you could go on youtube "safely" and not get triggered).

Post often, Matt, "in good times and in bad."

Much peace. Mike

 

Great advice from your partner Matt, but here is something I learned about beating this disgusting, life ruining habit we all share. I hope it helps and that you don't mind I get straight to the point.

Let me just say this, I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I used to count days, etc.. but when you do that, you focus more on the number instead of the results.

You have to find some way of associating pain, disgust, etc.. to the act of pmo. Until then, it is hard to continue to fight this powerful need, urge, dopaimine surge, happy drug, etc...

Tomorrow, when you wake up, tell yourself/ feel, "POWERFULLY" with "STRENGTH", that have already won. You have already defeated this demon that aggitates us.

That you are a different person today (the champion of the fight you fought all your life), and that you do not need this kind of torment anymore, LIKE THE OLD PERSON DID. For example, if you were in a boxing ring with an opponent, you wouldn't just go lack luster and lay down would you??

NO!!!, you would get stronger, more powerful, in your attempt to beat your opponent ie.. the Devil is what I call it. Now, that you won the fight, now go victoriously into your future, as the champ of the fight you fought and finally ended. Embrase the feelings of pride, victory, strength, enthusiasm, etc.. within yourself and now, see where this new you, the champion you, will lead you, in the future.

You also really have to associate pain, disgust, etc.. to the pmo or you will never change.

Here is just one association I used to finally be done with all this disgusting habit that really sickens me to not ever go back to anything this powerfully disgusting... Tell yourself, how would you feel if your family, your mom/ dad, neices/ nephews, sons/ daughters, friends, found out about what you do in secret?? How disappointed, sickened, etc.. would they be in their dad, uncle, cousin, etc.... to know that this is the way you truely are.

I say that from a position of love because this was how I finally said, "enough is enough". My fortunate, legacy of love, caring, etc.. towards others would all come crashing down in an instant if they ever found out what I did in private, even if it were to "ease" the tension of the day.

This coming from myself, someone who suffers from low self esteem, depression issues. I would hate to have more of that burden on my shoulders, knowing that their loved one wasn't as strong as "they" always thought/ believed I was. I hope this helps and I will keep all of us in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Definitely made the right choice Matt.

Remember, do NOT concentrate on the number of days, or any spiritual/ physical temptations, because in doing so, your focus is actually the power the negative uses to continue to ruin your life. The focus/power on non positive issues = the power to allow your negative emotions to continue to succeed in Overpowering your will (of no pmo) to stop.

I "really and SINCERLY" want to stress this Matt because, as being an older guy, I have always had a problem with self-esteem issues, had a counselor/ doctor (during a depression study) ask "if I had ever been molested" (which I do NOT recall), have tried associating pain of a tens unit (electrical) connected to parts of my body that I would used to gain pleasure from, etc.. in my attempts to change over the years and ease the pain/ burden of what I used as a pleasure comforter (ie... dopamine release, etc)

I do not say this to impress you, I say this to "Press Upon" You, that until you (like I) finally get "sick and tired" of being "sick and tired", you won't ever change. When the urge comes, relax, concentrate on something powerful and positive, or whatever. Just don't fight the urge by concentrating on fighting it. When you "concentrate/ focus" on the urge/ negativity, then you give it more power to disrupt your life. Remember, urges only last a few minutes (15 or so), then they are gone.

May I add another option. I used this when I was younger (thought of it on my own after studying subconsciousness). When the urge comes, think about all the "power built up inside the Pen*s". When the power is there, think of yourself being able to remove/ draw out the power, back inside your body/ abdomen. From within, then out, and away from the inside of the Pen*s.

So in short, as the power makes you grow, visualize yourself inside your body, pulling back the power within your P*n*s, and spreading it out, back up and through out your body. Similar to vacuuming it out, or a tug of war with the negative power invading your P*n*s. I hope this does Not Offend you, this bit of help I learned on my own and have used myself. Again, I truely am "sick and tired" of being "sick and tired" so I will try anything (but drugs)

And if this problem bothers me this much, as to push me to come here to contribute and help others, then I will throw all I know, into this fight and give it 110%. Why? I am sure others feel the same way and want to break free, as bad I do, am doing, and HAVE DONE. The best Matt.