65 yr. old male, married (for now). I have started a 90 day hard reboot, I'm on day 25. I know I will need support, reading the journals here is helpful, but I need all the help I can get. Hopefully I can help another person achieve their goal in the process.
Hi @Ivan Kalashnikov good name. Congratulations on your accomplished 25 days, that is for sure a sign you are committed and determined. What exactly are you looking for when you speak of finding an AP?
Hi Spontifex, thanks for responding. I signed up for Covenant Eyes as my first step toward kicking the PMO addiction. I mistakenly made my wife my accountability Partner. She has informed me (rightfully so) that this isn't a good idea. She wants me to find someone to monitor my internet activity. I am avoiding any questionable web pages at this point. I am new to to the idea that porn is a problem, but have come up to speed in the past 20 days. I realize that I have a lot of work to do to keep myself on the road to recovery. I assume newbies don't make good AP's, but hoping to get help and be able to pay if forward. When I studied Martial Arts most instructors discouraged less experienced practitioners from pairing up with other beginners. I'm retired so I have a fairly flexible schedule for meetings.
Hi Ivan, I'm looking for an Accountability Partner as well, have started on a 90 day hard reboot for non-PMO. Are you interested in a very disciplined AP? Do let me know. I know I'm younger than you and not married but I'm dedicated to get rid of this habit and regain the vitality that it is sapping from me.
Hi @Ivan Kalashnikov, your wife is a wise lady and that site Covenant Eyes seems to be just that you were looking for. Didn't know about that site. Speaking of newbies, you may be right but then when I joined in 2019 I met buddies here who were also new and we could give each other support as recovery and accountability partners, share and listen. That's an important part as well I think, the sharing, talking about one's secret and not being judged. So shame can no longer sprawl. Some of my early buddies are no longer active on the site, some remained. And with two I keep regular contact, with one daily. Telling how day has gone, about thoughts, if kept alright. Not long stories. And it helped me a lot too. Besides I started with Vipassana meditation in 2017 and was in two Twelve Step programs, worked the steps and keep the practice up on a daily basis. And there's a lot of good stuff on addiction out there. Gabor Maté is one of my favourite in that regard. And lately I came across this: Which gave me some new insights, too.
Good discussion. I'll have to go back and watch it again. I tried to break it up and watch 30-45 minutes at a time.
i just stumbled over this video you posted today and found it absolutely awesome. her talk with rich roll (a recovered alcoholic) is also something i'd highly recommend. with roll she also talked a lot about the twelve steps which made me really interested in that. i however am reluctant to go to an offline group. in your opinion, are the twelve steps something that can be done in an online environment, too? or do they need face to face conversations. @Ivan Kalashnikov sorry to hijack your thead with my questions. however i'm also interested in finding a group to talk about this addiction. would something like this be interesting for you, too?
With all due respect, I doubt that you would have been a lost cause. We all do what we have to do when the Stuff hits the fan.
I have seen a lot of success from the 12 step program. It saved my Son from certain death. I don't know how well the program would adapt to Virtual format. I'm sure the younger members would adapt quite readily, I can adapt at my age, just not as readily.
Well, just saying that for the past 20 years i felt unable to deal with this addiction, so reaching 65 yrs old with a record of over 50 yrs of PM....
Hi @Be.Well, best is if you give it a chance. I was in f2f meetings then due to pandemic we had to go online. I find both ways highly valuable. As long as you are committed and work the steps. They work if you work them.
thanks for your replies @Ivan Kalashnikov and @Spontifex i guess i'll have to ruminate on what to do a little but i really appreciate your thoughts on it.
I have signed up with Covenant Eyes. They have a software monitoring service. They monitor your web activity and send reports to your Ally. They also have a 40 day reboot and send daily articles to inspire recovery. I'm on Day 32 on that plan, but I was advised to enlist an Ally on Day 2. My wife doesn't want that responsibility and having your spouse as an Ally is discouraged. I would like to ask for a volunteer for this. Your participation is needed and will be greatly appreciated.
A volunteer will need to provide an email address to Covenant Eyes. The Volunteer (Ally) will have admin authority. They will be able to set the frequency of reports. Covenant Eyes will monitor my phone and computer through the use of a VPN. They have a list of flagged sites which I will be blocked from. They will send screen shots of the sites I visit to my Ally (AP).
Hopefully that will be to your advantage. You have a huge head start due to the fact that you have realized you need help and you are in the right place to get help. Hopefully PMO hasn't damaged your RL relationship to the extent that it has mine. Best of luck to you, Stay Strong!
I wouldn't mind providing an email address and be an ally if you would agree. It's just that I cannot become a paying member on Covenant Eyes. Do you know if it's possible to register, provide an email and just be an ally without membership fees?
I registered and paid the fee. I'm entitled to have an Ally. I will find out what the procedure is. When I listed my wife, I only needed to put in her email. I'll need to find out how to get your email to them discretely, so you don't have to post it here.
