Breaking a 24 year P habit and a 30 M habit.

Hi all.

I'm new here, but this is not my first attempt at this. For years I've understood that P isn't good for me. It's only once I really understood that my ED and the disconnection from my wife are my fault, because it's PM induced.

So, it's time to get serious about kicking this habit.

My previous attempts have been focused purely on P. This was mainly because M isn't generally considered to be harmful. My realization after my last failure a few months ago was that M is the root of the problem. P is just a tool to reach O by M. However I don't always use P. Just fantasy is enough.

So, after getting the "getting started guide" I now understand a lot of it a lot more.

This is so much better than trying to figure it out for myself, by myself.

My Parameters for my reboot are:
90 days.
No masturbation.
No porn.
No sexual fantasy to O.
No checking out web hotties regardless of platform.
No "looking" at photos of women I know to get off.

I will however be continuing to connect sexually with my wife when she is interested. I'm not doing "hard mode" for a few reasons.
1. I've just come out of a dead bedroom.
2. We did a sexual moratorium for 3 months last year.
3. I think that training myself to re-engage with her will helpful for bonding.
4. She's going through a reboot of her own (not PMO) and I don't want to increase her hardship atm.

I started my current streak on the 2 Nov 2021. So at the time of writing I'm 20 days in.

 

Good luck, with your recovery.

 

So, I'm going to add to the same thread here. It seems to be how it's done here.

27 days in.

It was getting better and easier.

Then I got into trouble with work because I had submitted vague and inaccurate timesheets. Not for the first time, but I really got blasted this time. Could loose my employment because of it.

Previously it was because I was covering for the time spent with PMO.

This time it finally wasn't, but some days early on all I could manage was breathing and not fapping.

Ironic, I may get fired because I'm quitting an addiction.

But, you can't exactly tell the MD of the company that I'm basically stealing from him, to cover my porn habit or breaking it.

That was last week Wednesday.

After that I was so scared, I had no problem staying in the lines and working really diligently.

Saturday morning I had a near slip. Caught myself fantasizing while drowsing. Cut it out once I became mindful enough to realize what I was doing.

This morning however, after a good weekend and the chaser effect really strong, the hard fear has worn down to anxiety. Which caused massive, powerful urges.

All to cope with the very strong anxiety about work.

Today did go better after I accepted my emotions and got on with my day.

I got a new project to work on, which will keep me busy. I also got an email from the MD, saying that last week's timesheets were correct and that he is happy with the remedial actions I'm putting in place. So at least I'm not getting fired this week. If my contract gets renewed next year is another question, but I have a few months to improve things.