Excerpts from a helpful book on Addiction

@K5suzuki suggested I read the book "Eight Step Recovery: Using the Buddha's teaching to overcome addiction".

I was intrigued because I grew up Catholic and I was interested in learning about how people from other walks of life might address their addictions. I also knew that the Buddhist teaching would delve into meditation, which I had never really looked into. So... for me, this was a win win, I got to learn about Buddhism and add a new tool to my PMO fighting toolbox.

I am about halfway through the book and am really enjoying it. These are the highlights for me...

• The suggestions seem to be working (although, it could be a placebo effect)
• The advice is counter intuitive to me (which is great, because I was looking for something different, since my previously learned tools don't seem to be working)
• The book doesn't chafe my delicate sensitivities about being too preachy about 'right' and 'wrong'.

Below I am going to post some excerpts from the book that I found particularly enlightening or helpful for me.

 

From the Chapter Titled "Seeing how we create extra suffering in our lives"

"
The cycle of craving may come into being from an initial thought, such as: "I want a drink." This thought can arise and cease, and cause us no more suffering at all. However, sometimes craving arises and manifests as thoughts that become a story or a rationalization. This story is often intoxicating. Craving and thinking feed each other. As each becomes stronger, we become more likely to act on our thoughts, and are in danger of using or relapsing. Beware of this stinking thinking.

We can think of wanting a drink, but not act on it. We may then fight against this thought. But when we fight it, we have not let go of the thought. We have identified with it, by listening to it and believing it, and this stinking thinking eats away at our resistance. We may think we have dealt with the thought because we did not act on it that same day. But beware. When our guard is down, we can be taken by surprise. Two days later we may well be reaching for that drink or that drug we thought we had control of. Our minds will play games with us.

A relapse may be caused by a strong identification with a thought, or a trigger that occurred through one of the senses two months ago. We may have mistakenly taken a sip of a drink, had a small slip with food, hung out with people who were taking drugs, had a small flutter with gambling, or glimpsed a piece of porn, and told ourselves that it didn't make us relapse. We were find the next day. Then one or two months later, we find ourselves in a relapse and can't understand why.

We have to learn to let these thoughts arise and cease, without identifying with them, acting on them, or fighting them. Have the courage to sit with the discomfort of a thought about indulging in our addiction, without fear, trusting the thought will arise and cease on its own. Fear is often the anticipation of the danger of a relapse for many people with addictions. When we anticipate a relapse we are at risk, which is why it is important to be calm when the waves of craving arise and cease.
"

This thought of intentionally allowing my urge to PMO to exist until it ceases while at the same time meditating in a safe environment is counter intuitive to me. During my last 4 urges, I tried out this method. And... sure enough, my urge got stronger (and scarier) but then it peaked and started diminishing until it was gone (all in the span of about 15 minutes). I was able to go on with my day without the urge lurking in the back of my mind. In the past, I would try to get up and go do something else and push the urge and the feelings associated with it back down into my brain and pile something else on top of the urge.

 

From the chapter titled "Seeing how we create extra suffering in our lives"

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Learning to be with our experience is not easy. It can feel counterintuitive, like the last thing one should sensibly do. Hearing our thoughts can be even scarier. It can help to recognize that we are not our thoughts, and that we don't have to act out our thoughts. We don't have to believe our thoughts. We don't have to identify with our thoughts. If we can trust that our thoughts will arise and cease without us identifying with them, we will begin to find freedom from our thinking.

For example, a thought arises: "I am a failure." If we take the thought at face value and believe it, we may soon be caught up in thinking about all the reasons why we are failures, or up in trying to push the thought away, which will only make it more persistent. However, if we just watch the thought and let it be there, just as a thought, we may discover that some space opens up around it. In this space we can begin to do something different. This space between the thought arising and us grasping onto it (through ruminating on it or fighting it) is where the power to change lies. It's the place where we can let go of the thought and not identify with it. It's the place where we become separate from our thoughts, and create space around them. We can see that thoughts just pop into our heads - we are not our thoughts. As we learn to watch our thoughts come and go, we can decide which ones we may want to act on, and which ones to let go of.
"

 

From the chapter titled "Embracing impermanence to show us that our suffering can end"

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We can watch our moods and thoughts coming and going. Sometimes we get completely caught up in a particular set of thoughts, a story about our lives. Later it is not there, or we get caught up in another narrative. Our minds are like a great pageant, or a parade with floats and marching bands. Perhaps the band is marching to the tune of "You are a loser, your life is going nowhere." Or maybe there is a glamorous woman on the float with a banner that reads "Just one fix and your worries will go." When we get caught up in our thoughts and feelings, it is as if we join the parade or leap up onto the float. Instead, we can train ourselves to watch our minds like a bystander following the whole spectacle from the pavement. Since everything changes, even the most compelling thoughts and emotions will pass.

When desire for our addictive behavior arrives, if we just notice it, rather than acting on it, we can watch the craving arise, grow, peak and then wane. We might feel the first itch, then see how it feels our minds and perhaps creates mounting tension in our bodies. We might notice the persuasive thoughts: "I really need some chocolate to cope with this" or "Just one drink wouldn't hurt." If we can stay with the desire, following our minds and bodies, we will notice as it comes and goes. This is sometimes called urge surfing. Like a surfer riding the waves, we watch our experiences and ride the waves of our minds.
"