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Is love sometimes not enough?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by IamtheLiquorJD, Aug 7, 2015.

  1. Aug 7, 2015 #1
    IamtheLiquorJD

    IamtheLiquorJD Fapstronaut

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    I have been dating my girlfriend for over two years. She's my best friend in the world, know one knows me like she do, and there's no one I've ever been as open with before. I truly deeply love her with all of my heart.

    But we've been fighting off and on for the whole two years, over stupid things and misscomunications. We could fight over nothing. We broke up twice, her doing, but we got back together. I love her so much I really do but recently this week as an example we can go from strong emotional feelings for architect to wanting to kill each other. We got on this huge fight and I said things I shouldn't have, I felt like she was ignoring my feelings and rejecting me. We both are hurt bad.

    We've been here before but that's not a good thing. We've made it through worse but still the relationship is always just making it.

    I live her so much and she loves me abd our relationship is passed on real love, it's so real. But could love not be enough. I have manipulated her without even thinking of it. I hurt the only person I really care about. I don't deserve her abd she deserves so much better in life, and I don't know if I can deliver. I really want what's best for her, but I don't want to give her up.

    I ask for advise from married men that have weathered the storms. I do want a future with this girl and I want to make her my wife one day. This isn't immaturity. I really honestly love her and want to do a relationship right and go through all the steps and take our time. Not marrying her for like another 3 years but still i know that's what I want.

    Please give.me.some advise.
     
    IamtheLiquorJD, Aug 7, 2015
    IamtheLiquorJD, Aug 7, 2015
    #1
  2. Sep 1, 2015 #2
    NSLucky

    NSLucky Fapstronaut

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    Sometimes love is not enough. However, if you truly want to marry this woman, then not only do you love her but you seem to want the same things out of life, and make good partners. It sounds like you two need to learn to communicate though. Communication is necessary in any successful relationship. I am assuming she is aware of your PMO issue, based on what you have said about hurting her. Perhaps you guys need to talk through your issues and do some reading on porn addiction, trust, and relationships?
     
    NSLucky, Sep 1, 2015
    NSLucky, Sep 1, 2015
    #2
  3. Sep 1, 2015 #3
    LostWife

    LostWife Fapstronaut

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    From your post, it sounds like both of you really need to work on your own selves before you can work on the relationship together. Love sometimes is NOT enough. Constant fighting is never a positive thing. If you guys are determined to work this out, it sounds like you guys have a lot of talking to do and opening up that communication. Therapy for couples may be a good option for you two.
     
    LostWife, Sep 1, 2015
    LostWife, Sep 1, 2015
    #3
  4. Sep 1, 2015 #4
    Handzfree

    Handzfree Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    "I see a black dog with white spots" she said. He looked and replied "you're wrong it's a white dog with black spots." They fought and argued until a lady walked up, picked up the pet and said "nice kitty."

    IMHO.. Relationships are built with two people sharing themselves and being accepted for who they are. I like to think of it as two overlapping circles. In a perfect relationship the people (circles) would align perfectly... But yet be separate.

    In any relationships there are arguments... In good relationships the disagreements are seen as challenges to grow. I believe a lot of problems in relationships come from trying to control someone other than yourself. I believe that is what Lost Wife is saying... Work on yourself first. Maturity means accepting criticism as a means to grow...

    So is love enough? That's like asking if today's supper will provide with enough calories so you don't have to ever eat again. Get some counseling, love yourself first and you'll be able to love others as well.
     
    Handzfree, Sep 1, 2015
    Handzfree, Sep 1, 2015
    #4
    IamtheLiquorJD likes this.
  5. Sep 14, 2015 #5
    IamtheLiquorJD

    IamtheLiquorJD Fapstronaut

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    Thanks to you all I've been in a very dark place again as we did break up and it seems lost. Thank you all for your support. I need to work to solve my own addictions before I can be with someone else. But I dint know how.
     
    IamtheLiquorJD, Sep 14, 2015
    IamtheLiquorJD, Sep 14, 2015
    #5
  6. Sep 14, 2015 #6
    Handzfree

    Handzfree Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    I'm very sorry things didn't work out between you two. When you find that special person, they will accept you for as you are but also will be honest about changes that would help you. Constant fighting is not an encouraging sign of a healthy relationship. It's true all couples bump heads once and a while, but a solid relationship finds common ground. Neither person tries to control the other to mold them in their image. Think of it as two people sharing themselves with each other.

    I think working on yourself makes sense, but don't forget to include others in your life as well. Friends, family and acquaintances are all good. Do the things that make you truly happy (joking hint: PMO isn't one of those!!)

    Best wishes to you. Be yourself, and you'll find someone who loves you.
    HF
     
    Handzfree, Sep 14, 2015
    Handzfree, Sep 14, 2015
    #6

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