Need help guys, is this a relapse ? HOCD !!!(Trigger)

It depends on what your goal is here. Are you abstaining from P as part of your reboot? If so, then yes it would be a relapse.

Distracting yourself is a good thing, but it might be more helpful to you to identify your triggers to lust and make a plan for how to deal with them. Do you find that your P searches are prompted by being on certain sites? Or maybe they're prompted by certain moods.

Get curious about this, you likely have a pattern to your behavior If so then limiting your time there (or avoiding them altogether) might help.

Watch out for the gore stuff. I'm a bit of a horror guy, and I realized early on there's a link between graphic horror and graphic porn as they both tend to trade in salacious images, so looking up one will wet your appetite for the other. What I ended up doing was sticking to watching older horror type films from the 30s through the 50s.

Don't be too hard on yourself here. Especially in the beginning of quitting, many of these urges come on lightining quick. Becoming more mindful about what you're doing online helps, but they sneak up awful quick.

One more thing: don't do this alone, you won't be able to. There are too many blind spots and addicted people are good at lying to themselves and other people to cover up. Get yourself an accountability partner, someone further along then you are and get honest. It will be good for your soul and your recovery (also good for theirs).

 

Man, I hear you. I've lived there for 20 years, making progress in the last 10. I agree external software isn't a solution to P abstainence, because it doesn't allow you to put any trust in yourself and take some ownership of your behavior. When it's not yours, its no longer your responsibility.

Do you think you work better, think better when moving around? This generally helps me. I have suffered from general anxiety and ADD, so supplements like L-Theanine and CBD drinks have really helped me even out during times I really need to get things done, but I'm too freaked out/distracted to focus. Listening to these also helps:



Meditation apps like Headspace are good too. It's tough, I feel for you, at least you recognize its happening though. Thats important.