I have gotten to the lowest point in my battle of pornography addiction that I can remember. I have gone long stretches without PMO in the past and thought it no longer affected me (wrong). I would have occasional relapses which was frustrating but would never completely derail me. But now I'm in a spot where I can't stop thinking about it and definitely can't control it. It doesn't matter if I am at home or at work; every few days I get sucked into porn and most of the time PMO. I have become great at hiding it but the guilt is overwhelming. I feel nothing but despair and don't know what to do. I am a member on this site because of a previous relapse but intentionally did not come here because I did not want the accountability. It is so frustrating because I know the feeling I get after I PMO and it tears me apart but I always go back for more. And after I PMO I adopt the mentality that since I already messed up why not go for more. And the cycle just goes on and on and is tearing my life apart. It has definitely hurt my relationship with my wife but I don't know what to do. Has anyone overcome this situation before? What can I do to fight the urges? I need to do something because if I don't stop I am afraid something seriously bad will happen. Any help is greatly appreciated.
Hey JoeK, Sorry for your frustration. We've all been there. Can you articulate at all what is different this time that makes you unable to obtain your previous long stretches?
I can't really pinpoint what the root cause is. It might be because my marriage is in a low spot or that the continuous feeling of guilt has allowed me to wallow in my addiction. I believe the PMO sensation is actually a dopamine addiction (could be wrong) but I don't know how to break it. My wife is pregnant so we haven't been able to have sex in at least 5 months. It started when I was working out of town for 2.5 months. The late night cinemax shows led to me looking at porn on the computer and then it all went down hill. I had no accountability so giving into my addiction was easy even though it tore me apart.
I have posted a video about what may be happening once you relapse after a long stretch. When you can then go only 1-3 days and then relapse after relapse. It has happened to me a lot and is known as the chaser effect. In the video they talk about going a few weeks and then it happening again but for me it is only a few days and then it happens again. He talks about other things in the video too but he does explain what might be happening. some other great places to go to is his youtube videos and check out sacred sexuality. Both are some great places to go to for motivation. Hope this helps.
You also need to think of yourself as fragile for a few days and know what your mind is wanting. I have one more video that can help you in your current situation. Sorry for spamming your thread, I just know the feeling that you are going through.
Yes, I understand - and the shitty guilt feeling can be taken away as soon as you start recovery again. In a way it's good it doesn't feel good to stay in the PMO cesspool, cause then there'd be no reason to leave, and we need to remember why we left, too. And, I see the change in your sex life, too, and probably emotional life that has contributed to your relapse. But, man, you can start again - today, right now! And, you know that you cannot give up your tools of accountability - because in the end you have found that it hasn't worked either, right? You're still accountable to yourself. I know how it's been, man. I've recently fell after 55 days PMO free, and I am starting again, and I already feel better and in gear after 24-h, even as I had to struggle with a few restarts. Hence, do what you need to do today to make your restart an optimal, sincere one, and not just half-assed. You know the drill. Will you join me today, buddy, and start afresh on this journey again? And, hey, all the best to you and your wife in starting your new family - it's what this whole sex struggle (keeping sex in right balance) is for. Congratulations!
Hi JoeK. Looks to me like there is a lot going in your life right now. Lot's of moving parts and stressors. I can relate. Once I fell, I thought, what does it matter anymore. Then it's the crazy cycle, I feel terrible because I masturbate and then I masturbate to feel better and then I fell terrible again. Been there, done that got the t-shirt and got hair growing on my palms (jk). Let me offer a few words of encouragement. Your wife is highly hormonal right now. She's probably bouncing from happy, to sad, to melancholy and beyond. Any late night requests? Mine sent me out ice cream and other things. Needless to say, that messes up the relationship. So it's understandable things are not "normal." So while your addiction is not helping, I'm not sure it is everything that is causing stress in your marriage. Quite honestly, I'm sure you miss your wife and it's certainly within reason to tell her exactly that. What about a hand job / manual sex? Is there a reason she has cut you off? Sex during pregnancy is actually a good thing for both of you and the baby... the little chip off the old block gets some loving hormones as well. Being alone in a hotel room is like putting a syringe, heroin on a pillow for an addict when he checks in. No one around, pop open the laptop and bam, instant satisfaction. Being away from your wife is definitely a trigger too.. completely alone. IMHO, you've fallen into a binge cycle. I assure you it won't last because you will get completely sick of it, especially since you know how to endure long streaks. First off, forgive yourself - you're human and not perfect. Things are a bit wacked... that's ok too. Set up the boundaries, get an AP... anything that changes the status quo and routine will help. Divert thoughts.. change channels from "porn" to "this is what I really want to do." I would encourage you love your wife in spite of the dry spell. Also, it's fair be honest too and tell her you miss her both emotionally and physically. See if you can talk through things. There is no forcing, just the statements. In essence, go with the flow and ask... I will never ever consider myself "cured". My habits have permanently wired the addiction into my brain. The way around that is to form new circuits that are stronger. Get up, dust off, put one day down clean, that's the start. Set up your boundaries again. You can do it. How can I say that... Consider your streaks of purity. It's a matter of your will over self abandonment. Cheers! HF
@Handzfree If there was a clapping hand emoji I would have used it for your post. Practical, encouraging and supportive.
Thanks for the kind words NFT... I think we've all been in Joe's shoes and it sucks big time. Binge and cringe! If I had a dollar for every PMO, I could have paid for counseling for everyone on this board! Joe! Hang in there... you're not alone! Get back up and get a steak going!
Thank you all for the encouraging words and advice on how to get through my current situation. It helps to know that I am not alone and that there is hope. I promise to fight the good fight and get back on track. Once again, thank you for everything!
I used to have long dry spells with my gf as well, apparently for no reason. I used to think that she is simply not keen on having sex and sort of left it that way. Coming to this site made me realize that my pmo might be the cause of that. The more I pmo'd the worse our sex life would get. The worse it got the more I pmo'd... It was a vicious circle. Long story short - I still PMO but much less frequently than before and our sex life slowly improves..
