30 year old male - 15+ years PMOing. Have come to the realisation that I need helpHi

Hi. My name is Brendan and I've only just come to realise that I have an addiction, and that I need outside help to deal with it.

I have been PMOing ever since I can remember (well, at least since puberty). I'm 30 years old now and I've only had two serious relationships in my life. I have a firm belief that my addiction has contributed to the fact that both of these relationships ended, as well as thrown away countless other opportunities for relationships.

I've tried several times in the past to stop PMOing, without lasting more than about a week. Last week I tried to stop PMOing again. I'd seen this site, but hadn't seriously considered joining / posting on it, because I thought I could deal with it myself - it's not that big a deal - how hard could it be? I actually managed to go most of the week without even thinking about PMO, then on Friday night when I had nothing else to do everything just fell apart and I succumbed. I didn't get any joy out of it at all though - only guilt and shame. That's when I decided to join and talk to you guys about it.

I'm now at 3 days no PMO, and am determined to go at least a month - though I intend to extend that goal as soon as I achieve it . I've read quite a few posts on here about other people's struggles and it has definitely been an eye-opening moment for me seeing how many other people are going through the same stuff.

Thanks for listening.

 

I've made it through another day and am feeling pretty good about this whole thing - been doing a bunch of reading and researching about the whole situation, and I feel like I'm understanding it a lot better. But I know that the hardest period (and the period in which I've failed every other time I've tried to abstain) is coming up. I read on this site about "the surge", and I think that's where I've gone wrong in the past.

The other thing that's been bothering me is that I've never spoken about my issues to anyone in my life (except for an ex-girlfriend that I haven't spoken to in a few years). I don't have a girlfriend at the moment, and I don't think I'd be willing to talk to anyone else about this stuff because I'd be too ashamed. I am seeing a shrink though, for other depression issues, and I've been considering talking to him about it. It's really hard for me to do that though, because I've kept this secret for so long.

I wanted to know what you guys think about seeing a shrink for this kind of thing?

 

Day 5. Have had a pretty good day today, but I've noticed that I'm starting to feel withdrawal symptoms. My last couple of nights sleep I've woken up at about 4am and lay awake for about an hour, with a million thoughts going around in my mind. I've been extremely tired during the day, basically feeling like I didn't sleep at all the previous night. I've also felt a noticed increase in general anxiety, and a loss of appetite. I don't know if it will get worse, but now that I've identified these feelings as likely being part of my reboot, I feel like I'm ready for it and will do my best to push through. I also installed K9 protection today.

I hope that by putting down my experiences that I'm helping at least one other person in their journey, though I'm doing this for myself and my own well being. I feel for every single guy that's going through this addiction, because it's not an easy process. I believe that it's worth it though.

 

So it's been a couple of days since my last post. I've been trying to keep myself busy, because I find the biggest trigger to be sitting in front of my computer with nothing else to do.

I'm studying at the moment as well as working full time, so for me I think the best thing for me to do when I'm feeling like I need a distraction from temptation is to either go out and do some exercise, or hit the books for a bit. I've read quite a few other posts that say that exercise is a good alternative form of energy release, so I will be trying to get on my bike a lot more, as well as going running. Hopefully the release of energy from that will help.

I think this is the longest streak I've ever been on. Even when I've been away from home (visiting my family etc) I've only lasted about a week. I think that's because my knowledge of this addiction is increasing, and I now understand a lot more about my motivations for quitting PMO. I also understand the physical effects that quitting is having on my body, both the good and bad.

If I could say one thing to any other newbies out there, it would be to educate yourself. The more you understand what's going on inside you, and inside your head, the better your chances of a successful reboot. I've found that www.yourbrainonporn.com has been a real eye-opener.

Srdiogenes, thanks for your encouragement. I read your thread, and I admire your resolve. I will be keeping an eye on your thread to see if there's any other insights that you gain from your journey. Also, I am talking to a shrink about my depression issues (of which my addiction is part). I just haven't spoken to him about this journey yet, because I'm currently too ashamed to talk to people in person about it.