Breaking viscious cycle. Revelations on 90+

I've never been active on this forum, but I used to read stories of many of you, which helped me in the times of darkest despair. For that I'm grateful. Some day in this week I think I've hit 90 so I wanted to share some of my thougts and experiences with you my brothers. Personally, I've been fappin since 14 years of age (now I'm 27). My first erection was when I saw Cat Eek's Anabele as a kid and that led me straight towards (SS)BBW stuff shortly. Last couple of years I'd been trying to get rid of it as my addition was totally out of hand; no matter if I was alone or in a relationship I had lost control over my mind and body.

But now I'm clean since last 3 months for the first time in my 10+ "career". I feel like my body and mind have undergone several changes, but more importantly, I tried not to focus on those changes during the process of healing, and rather let them come and go (same about counting days). I found observing every little change quite distracing, as there were, there are, and there will be better and worse days no matter how long you abstain from PMO. But to cope with the changes was a big challenge for me.
Quick change comes and goes, like in the yo-yo effect. Expecting a QUICK RESULT is a characteristic of anxious or addicted mind, we just carve things and results to come to us as soon as possible. That's why I think I'd been failing for so many times. There was too much excitment arising from my expectations, and whenever I felt little off the track I started to have this powerful urge for recompesing the loss. More of it, being on the quite impressive streak and expecting the numbers of days passed to reschedule the deeply-rooted thinking patterns is self-decieving.

Running and some breathing practices gave me an insight into what I was doing wrong in this matter. If we run a particular distance we either slow down or speed up as we are about to hit the finish. Same would happen to me, I would slow down to "take a break", and the service I would grant to myself would left me more exhausted the next day. But when the only thing you know is that you have to run without knowing how far is the actual goal, (it may be closer than you think!) you become more aware and vilignant of your body, because then you have to take care of it anyhow. While running long distance you also have to calm down your breath as if it was a BABY - and I dont wanna let me baby die, do I?! It's important to be hard and brave and fucking HU-HA-HU madly manly, but it's equally important to be caring towards oneself, just like a real woman, whom we miss and neglect so often. My urges used to give me the hardest blows at the times I was tried (or bored) and because I couldn't take care of myself I used to choose the easiest way to get an artificial kick, which would make me even more tried the next day. Viscious circle.

Talking about time today I realized the ACTUAL AMOUNT OF TIME we waste in front of the screen looking for the best sites, best content, best scens, best details in order to have the worst sex...

I work in an office, 9 to 5. Sometimes I struggle so hard to stay focused on the work which is deadly boring, but I have to do it no matter what. Today walking down the street back home I started counting how many hours I potentially saved thanks to cut on PMO in the last 3 months. On avarege I could spend 3 hours every second day to satisfy myself which gives 3*15=45 hours per month. So in only 90 days of NoFap Challenge I have saved 135 hours, which is almost to the WHOLE MONTH OF MY OFFICE JOB, which I dislike. I don't wanna multiply any more to show that I could have finished another faculty or learn 3 languages or develop better relationships with other people in that time coz I belive that there is some time in our lifes predestined to be a shit-hole, which we can turn into a well. But, think about it, you are given every fourth motnh the whole month in your jobplace just to jerk off without stopping. IT'S A SLAVE WAGE, coz after all, no one pays you!
No no no. No more slavery. I'm not very religious person but this picture gave me an impression of hell furnished with our biggest weakneses.
This realization made me shit-scared. Like in the good old song:
"Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an OFFHAND way"

This post may be a bit chaotic, but English is not my mother language.
Thank you all for testimony of courage. Shall the fire never die!