Hello everyone. I haven't used this forum in like forever but I have a question to ask that I think you all can give useful input. So I have this guy friend in college that really likes me. We have been really good friends for a while and like two or three weeks ago he asked me out. We went on two dates but then I rejected him because he wasn't my type. However, like two days ago he said he can't stop liking me and wants me to give him another chance. Idk what to do because I kinda don't have feelings for him like that, but he's a really good guy and we are great friends. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but at the same time I don't want to force myself to be romantic with him. We have a lot in common and he's like one of my closest friends. Plus he says he prefers my body type which is a huge compliment since I'm chubby. But the thing is I don't like him physically. Like he's not ugly but just not my type. Maybe with time I can learn to like him. Like we do have a lot in common and I do like conversing with him. Also he's not 100 percent my preferred personality type. Like I like a guy who is really funny and somewhat outgoing. Also I prefer guys a few years older then me, and he's a year younger. Now look I'm not a super outgoing person ether (I'm an introvert), but I would like someone to push me out if my comfort zone. Idk I'm so confused. I don't want to hurt his feelings but I don't want to hurt my own. Do you guys think I should give him another chance or not?
No, cause you don't look at him on that way,is very important what you feel, is normal sometimes happens this, he has to understand that as a friend. I passed for symilar experience and my friend understand it , cause i didn't looked at her on that way. Of course this is just my opinion and i don't know how he will react. Someones end the friendship and others still on it after that so there is just two ends.
It seems you already know the answer. His response shouldn't concern you when it comes to these things as you know what you have to do.
I wouldn't say no just on the basis of him not being your type, but I would say no based on your entire post. It seems clear to me that you're not interested in him and would only be saying yes to not hurt his feelings. which is a terrible idea, because that will hurt him more in the long run. It's not always a bad idea to give people a chance that you aren't sure about, because maybe you will find that your preferences can change or maybe a different type of person is actually better for you than you expected. But in this case it seems pretty obvious from what you've said here that this probably isn't it, and it's only going to hurt him more if you go out with him again and then break it off again.
I would say no. You've already given him a chance, and it wasn't a good fit. Continuing on this path of another chance just sends mixed signals to him and puts you in a position that could hurt you both more than just telling him no right now. Rip that bandaid off. It's going to sting, but if you truly are friends, then you both should be able to respect each other when you disagree. If he treats you like crap for being honest, then you can be happy knowing you dodged getting into a potentially toxic relationship. Telling him no is the fairest choice for the both of you.
Yeah agree with everyone here. Rejection is hard to take and also hard to give. You can be kind about it, but you may also have to be a little direct so he doesn't think "maybe some day" into the future. You may also want to stop hanging out with him for a while. It's possible to be friends after, but right now he's probably looking for signs of interest and you'd have to walk on egg shells around him to make sure you don't tease too much or what not. I'm not sure if this works the same way for women as men. But some advice I found was to consider partners as either F-yes, or F-no. And you generally know where you stand after the first date or two.
Reading this, you have more doubts than positives. Let him down gently. You’ll both be better for it.
I really like your comment. I was literally not planning on not talking to him for a while after I reject him. Not cause I don't want to be his friend, but as a reset to get us back into a platonic relationship. It's really hard for me hurt people's feelings cause I have so much empathy for the person. I know he's going to feel so shit after I break things off with him, but at the same time if we were to get into a relationship I wouldn't be able to give him the physical affection that he needs and deserves. I'm usually super nice to everyone but this is just something we're I have to put my foot down, which I'm not used to.
I think you've got a good approach. And you can use your empathy too and let him down gently. Easier said than done but it's worth the temporary discomfort. If this is your first time doing this of course it's going to be a challenge too. It's a good life skill though. Not just for dating, but having to say no to anything life changing. Classic example, getting a job offer that's high pay but long hours. Many people just go with it without thinking what's best overall... Being able to say "no thanks" with grace can take time, but it's vital to look after ourselves and help others save face.
