Hello. It is already my 3rd day of trying to be PMO free. My longest streak is 10 days. Our internet is extremely fast, like 200 mbps download speed. I have hoarded thousands and thousands of porn videos and images to my hard drives before to the point that I have even bought new expensive hard drives and even bought subscriptions to some illegal sites. All in all, i had almost 12 terabytes of porn materials and I had the courage to delete it last 3 days. I always have that kind of problem. I will delete them but when I miss those materials much, I always go back and download them again. I am fed up. I am really sad of my addiction. I not only PMO but I also have tendencies to hoard and hoard and hoard porn stuffs. Very frustrating. I want to change. I want to be happy. I don't want my family to get hurt because of my situation. Recently, I got active to our church and sometimes read short portions of the bible. I also asked my mom to change the password of wifi so i can't connected to it. I also plan to consult a psychiatrist. Now my problem is I missed my downloaded videos. Sometimes I feel brain dog and irritated, though i just keep it to myself. Please send me your advices if you read this brothers.
Thank you for the support bro. I ll find more books including your recommendation. How is your progress by the way?
If i finish this day without PMO, it will be my 4th day. The road is getting tougher each day and my body keeps getting a little more sensitive to unknown triggers
I have the same behavior like you. On top of that, I am also a video game addict, so I will do something similar for video games (uninstalling and reinstalling them over and over). I think this behavior is caused by the fact that I still partly believe porn and masturbation are good stuff, and I still believe they would give me happiness. So whenever my urges come, I often remind myself of all of my life problems caused by sex addiction, reminding myself that nothing good will come out by giving into my addiction. I should better ignore the urges and just let it come and go. Even if the urges seem to be overwhelming, it is still my choice whether to react to it or not. Also, I know I still need more effort to "brainwash" myself, so that I can achieve a state where I hate porn, or just don't have a strong feeling when I see it accidentally. The journey is long, but don't get overwhelmed by its length. Try to focus on today, then everything would look much more achievable, even on those days you have urges that seem to be unbearable.
Fasting and prayer can be a powerful antidote to this addiction, It has helped me greatly didn't work the first attempt but I kept at it, that's what I have come to accept you don't have to give in or give up I try to fast one whole day a week, I would advise looking into eating the healthiest diet you can tho (no sugar, and less or no carbs).
