Kik is toxic

Hey man- you did the right thing, 12 hours of anything is not good. As someone who has been hooked on cam sites, I know the feeling. Up until a couple of months ago, I had spent the better part of a weekend binging on cam sites more than once, until I decided I was strong enough to st least control it. I had even thought about going on kik from recommendations from guys I was camming with, and after reading your post, I am thankful I did not, so thank you for sharing that! ( see, you are already helping others with your decision!)

I think feeling “ lonely and empty “ as you said I’d just the monster trying to drag you back underwater.

Believe me I know, it may sound easier said than done, but stay strong and stay on your path you have began. There must be some other things that you enjoy besides being on kik ( or other similar) let them be what you spend time on when that urge hits. I understand “ that urge”.

Good luck to you

 

This is very true! I can attest that it is the broken neural pathways, the tendency to chase after immediate sources of pleasure because of how these not-social-social relationships ruin our perspective and twist our perception of reality. Trying to get out of it is hard but the first step is to cut off the bad stuff right from the source.
Life wasn't meant to be lived the way our brains tell us it is - there IS better for you out there. This isn't a case of "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence" because there is no fence that you cross where life is suddenly a cake walk and everything is wonderful. This is a case of all of us broken people beating an addiction, retraining and rewiring our addictions to see that the good things in life are already here.

That might seem wishy-washy, and without faith you'd be absolutely right - but I encourage you to stay strong, you've done the first thing right in taking that step to affirm to yourself that there is better. Stick to it! I have been through a lot of ups and downs in my most recent attempt to quit the same kind of stuff - chats, roleplays, toxic relationships that aren't even real, living a lie... it's tough, I don't really feel "better" despite being at 50 days, but I am absolutely a higher functioning, healthier person even under increased stress.

I have deleted my kik 3 times, btw, all different roleplaying accounts where I must have had hundreds of different partners throughout the years. Some of them were 10-minute sessions and others went on for literally 6+ months at a time. I feel you in this struggle. It's hard not to miss it, on a lot of days I feel legit sadness for the loss of something I loved. Remember though, kinda like a breakup, when you want to get back together: you probably don't actually miss the person, but what you had with them, the dopamine that it gave you. Don't go back, look for something better.

 

Yeah, Kik can easily become a downward spiral. DELETE DELETE DELETE!

 

It might be hard to find friends, especially in societies that might mistreat homosexuals. But I know there are men who like you for more than only your sexuality and who won't mistreat you. I don't think you will find them through porn or nude photos though.