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My story

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Ramirami, May 12, 2022.

  1. May 12, 2022 #1
    Ramirami

    Ramirami Fapstronaut

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    **HAS WORDS THAT COULD BE CONSIDERED AS TRIGGERS, DO NOT READ IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU COULD BE TRIGGERED**




    Good afternoon everyone…

    A month ago, I experienced an incident where I lost my erec**** with my wife.. this was due to so many factors.
    1- I remember that before it happened for a good one month I was watching a lot of femdom porn on twitter.
    2- I didn’t feel enough in the relationship, and was very insecure

    It caused me to overthink and caused severe performance anxiety, I realized that I have been ONLY watching femdom humiliation, extreme cuckold humiliation porn for about 7 years. I feel like this affected my perception of sex and intimacy and also realized that I only crave humiliation scenarios when it comes to sex. I’m okay with being submissive in bed, but not to the extent of being extremely humiliated or cuckolded.

    my sexual life with my wife recently has been good as I explained some of my fantasies and I’m okay with them and she’s okay with them.

    I’ve also managed to not watch porn for 14 days now and this is the longest I’ve been without it. I’ve been feeling depressed, anxious, not knowing what I like when it comes to sex, extra sensitive, im overthinking my relationship and my life, and I don’t know if what I’m going through is because I quit porn or because of other things. I feel like because I’ve only watched cuckold porn and femdom porn, it’s the only thing I know now.
    Any opinions and advice would be great
     
    Ramirami, May 12, 2022
    Ramirami, May 12, 2022
    #1
  2. May 12, 2022 #2
    Joe1023

    Joe1023 Fapstronaut

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    My opinion is that you almost surely have a porn addiction and you should definitely get help with it. There is a 12 step program, Sexaholics Anonymous, or SA, that helps people all over the world deal with this exact thing! The website www.SA.org/f2f will help you find a local meeting where you can get plugged in and meet other guys with very similar problems!
     
    Joe1023, May 12, 2022
    Joe1023, May 12, 2022
    #2
    Raven King likes this.
  3. May 13, 2022 #3
    Ramirami

    Ramirami Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate your advice but I strongly believe I can fight this on my own with the help of the NoFap community. Today is my day 15 of no porn. I keep having intense dreams of cheating, and they really get to my head. I’m very sensitive to anything my wife says, and I have no motivation to go out, no motivation to do anything really but lay down. Sometimes I feel like I’m overwhelmed, but I know porn isn’t the solution to my problems. Im trying to fight it. The worst part of it all is that I’ve completely lost my confidence sexually, I don’t know when to initiate or whether I’d maintain an erection, I stress over sex and I see it as something negative and I don’t know how to fix that. Any opinions on whether this is something NoFappers go through?
     
    Ramirami, May 13, 2022
    Ramirami, May 13, 2022
    #3
  4. May 13, 2022 #4
    Raven King

    Raven King Fapstronaut

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    I think you should listen to Joe's advice. I tried battling this addiction myself for many years and also using this forum. It was not until I joined a sex addict recovery group until I saw actual progress. I am now a member of S.L.A.A and I have friends there that I can call every day and we share our struggles together. I highly recommend it.
     
    Raven King, May 13, 2022
    Raven King, May 13, 2022
    #4
    RobbyGo36 likes this.
  5. May 14, 2022 #5
    RobbyGo36

    RobbyGo36 Fapstronaut
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    Minus the specific content of femdom/cuckold P, I have also experienced everything you've mentioned. It's an understatement to say its a confusing and lonely experience. I feel like I've learned the truth in saying the, "the eye is the window to the soul' the difficult way.

    The best advice I could give is that which has helped me: find a group. SAA and SLA are anonymous "what you see and say here, stays here" groups. There are no weird muttering guys in trench coats, just ordinary every day guys like you and me trying to transform their addiction. There is no judgement as to what anyones addiction is, in part because everyone recognizes how easy it could've been them.

    When I first quit P, I also thought nofap would be sufficient, until I realized I was bargaining with myself to masturbate after my then girlfriend had left for the night and I had passed up an opportunity to make out with her. My gf also found out -- before I even realized I was doing it -- that I was looking up other women on facebook to get a dopamine hit from looking at them. Soon after, I started going to a group, and because of them, I've been sober from harmful acting out behaviors since Feb of 2019 (I got my three year chip). I have learned so much, and gathered so much strength from each and every person there. They have helped me care for myself, at a time in my life when I was convinced I couldn't anymore. Also, just as important, my experience and care has likewise helped them.

    This thing is too big to handle alone, and its not something your SO can coach you through. It requires a community of people, however big or small (could be 2-3 people), to help you. Best of luck, God bless.
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2022
    RobbyGo36, May 14, 2022
    RobbyGo36, May 14, 2022
    #5
    Raven King likes this.
  6. May 15, 2022 #6
    Ramirami

    Ramirami Fapstronaut

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    It’s always nice to hear seeing people do great, for more than one reason: it’s motivating, and I’ve developed empathy for people that are suffering. I currently live in an Arab country and the sex addiction groups aren’t that prevalent here honestly. So i consider this forum my go to
     
    Ramirami, May 15, 2022
    Ramirami, May 15, 2022
    #6
    RobbyGo36 likes this.
  7. May 15, 2022 #7
    Ramirami

    Ramirami Fapstronaut

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    *Trigger words*


    It’s my day 16 without porn, I’m starting to feel a bit better. A couple of weird things I’ve been experiencing which I would love to talk to you guys about.

    1- I’ve been experiencing disturbing HOCD dreams.

    2- I’ve been experiencing dreams about having trouble in bed with my wife

    3- I’ve been remembering a lot of the porn I used to watch when I was a kid rather than the most recent ones

    4- I have a mix of no attraction to my wife, performance anxiety, and HOCD. It’s almost like I’m demotivated to try anything and I’m blaming it on everything else.

    An important thing to note is that I never experienced this problem up until that one incident where I lost my erection and I just spiraled after it. To be honest I enjoy getting humiliated and made to worship feet or do the most humiliating things rather than having sex, and now I’m trying to just enjoy sex without the idea of being humiliated or cucked.
     
    Ramirami, May 15, 2022
    Ramirami, May 15, 2022
    #7

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