I’ve been going about the fight against PMO as a solitary endeavor for the two and a half years that I’ve seen it as a problem. It seems to me that the limit of what I can do alone has been reached. Blockers, reading and watching content about the harm caused by PMO, day trackers featured prominently as a visual of progress, cold showers, prayer, etc. I’ve made some progress from where I began, but stagnation and outright regression have defined the fight for me recently. That’s why I find myself wishing that there was someone I could talk to face-to-face about this who I trust. So, back to my question at the top: who do you talk to about this? Has engaging with people on these forums been enough to help you in the long-term? Or do you have someone personally that you can talk to? My parents are people that I comfortably turn to with just about any problem that I feel can’t be handled on my own, but when it comes to PMO, I can’t even imagine broaching the topic.
I told my mom about it shortly into my first serious streak. It’s hard to bring up for sure. It was a really emotional experience for me. I actually couldn’t bring myself to say it. Instead I wrote it and handed it to her, and that started the conversation. I think telling others really helps. It gives you another person to be accountable to. It’s easier to resist because you don’t want to let them down. I think you should go for it. Maybe your parents. Maybe a very close friend. if it’s within your means, you can seek therapy and tell the therapist.
If you are lucky a psychotherapist might be able to help. I have tried bringing up my PMO problem with a few, but most of them simply couldn't grasp the magnitude of the problem for me. But you might get luckier.
I told my wife, but never used her as an accountability partner. I’ve told my therapist, like learning up there. Most do not think porn is a real problem, but any therapist worth their salt will see it’s important to you, especially if you insist on talking about it. When mine saw my improvement when I got on a good, long streak, he was convinced porn actually is a problem, at least for me. I also have at times used the forum more extensively, and found a partner to “talk” (type) with on a more regular basis. Emails are fine, but for that close contact feel, messaging in something like Telegram or Google Chat is better. Of course I also journal every day. That keeps me engaged, and also helps create a record so I can see patterns in recovery.
It's tough when you feel like you have no one you can talk to this about, I've had a similar struggle. You can message me and we can be accountability partners if you'd like, I've had a few of them on this site. I come to this site daily for a reminder and to continue on my journey to full recovery. Cheers.
I've certainly found a similar issue. Almost complete rejection of the whole idea, although some women seem to get it more as I suppose they understand being the aim of male sex drive more. A therapist and/or trusted person, I guess.
I was like "Aw, you can talk to me," but I'm probably not as qualified as some of the ladies here on the forum. Pretty sure they've got you though.
I've told some of my family about it, but they simply brushed it off. The only person in my reality that I know and can talk to about it is my best friend. Other than that, it's been a silent struggle for me. However, I've come to find that communicating online helps too. The truth is that as long as NoFap and Semen Retention are not mainstream, it's likely a lot of us will not be able to discuss it aloud without our struggle being invalidated.
The dismissiveness you describe from family is what I imagine would happen if I went to my friends. Our conversations, when high schoolers, sometimes turned to the topic of our favorite videos and to giving "actress" recommendations. I guess I shouldn't disregard the idea of talking to them though. Not as close to them now having moved far from where we grew up a while ago, so maybe their view of PMO has changed in the meantime too.
I talk about it only to psychotherapist/sexologist/[place your doctor]. I want to talk it through with my friends but neither I'm brave enough nor they would understand me. It's always good to talk problems through but I know my family would react like I was talking in another language and my friends would probably downplay the weight of the issue since everyone is doing it. If I had gf I would tell her for sure. If I were to get into relationship I'd admit it shortly after. Only relationships based on truth and mutual trust are worth anything. Not to mention that it affects her too, either directly or indirectly.
I've told my wife and I attend a weekly SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) meeting about 30 miles away. The guys there have been a source of strength for me and I try to give them the same where I can. I also have a Sponsor from the group I talk to every week over the phone. I have someone on here that I talk to once a month, and of course I journal. I haven't told my friends or à therapist as I'm scared about some of the illegal stuff I was into at the time of my addiction would get me into trouble. Its probably unreasonable, but I still struggle with this, and I'm planning on talking with my Sponsor about that soon. Anyway, definetly don't be alone. Addiction grows in secret, so confiding in someone is an important way to break through the shame that keeps you trapped. Thanks for posting and congratulations on your well-earned progress so far. God bless.
