Why can't I simply stop thinking about sex? What are ways to lower your sex drive?

I can relate to this, it feels like I'm constantly thinking about sex, I'm also a virgin so maybe that is what's up with it

 

You want to lower your libido? Diet. The more aggressively you cut your calories, the less lust you will feel. It won't work forever (you'll run out of weight to lose), but it'll buy you some time to fix some things.

 

ofc you gotta make sure the deficit you choose is sustainable, so you don't have to stop early

 

Hey man, you reminded me of something this spiritual cat named Ram Dass says about abstaining from our sexual lives. He's remarked that a lot of the spiritual community that he was involved in suffered from "horny celibate syndrome" lol... Although for some people "out of sight out of mind" is their path, and probably a good protocol to begin a journey away from addiction, I think that unless you have help from a therapist or a sober group or something, it can be problematic in the ways you've highlighted.

I think his point is that sometimes you'll talk to a smoker and they'll say "I've been off smokes for three years, fourteen days and five minutes"... It's like damn, that person is addicted to not smoking! Point being that the goal is to be free. And true freedom doesn't come in spite of our humanity, but through it. Through working on and transmuting the energy and actions that have developed in the wrong direction, and instead using that energy for something beneficial to yourself and others.

For me, I've chosen abstinence as a first step. But I also have the accountability of a therapist, which is essential for me right now. But that's only the first step... Now, I'm finding some of that physical release in breathwork, cold showers and working out. But more importantly, I'm also abstaining from drinking at home, so as to be compelled to go out to the bar if I want a drink. And because I'm not using porn, I'm more enthusiastic about talking with women. I've also started trying a dating site.

This is all to say that what I think is an old AA saying reigns true, to me anyway: "The opposite of addiction isn't suppression, it's connection", or something like that. The porn stuff is a cheap way to find human connection through what are essentially pixelated ghosts, and that's why it doesn't work for shite. What we're really searching for on the ole pornhub is a feeling of connection. So abstain, sure, but make sure that you're working on the other half of the equation, which is filling your need with the better kind of human connection that led you to seek it through these other cheap avenues that must not have worked, or you prob wouldn't be on a site like this.

Last quick thought, just about every young guy feels like they are hyper-sexual. Terry Crews wrote a book last year and has a bunch of podcasts online talking about how he used this as an excuse for many decades of his life, and how he worked on himself to see that it was a false pardon, and if there was truth to it, it just meant that he had that much more energy that he could work with to manipulate and flow in positive, healthy directions.

Sorry so long! Just drank coffee. Best of luck to ya man.

 

Reading about sexually transmitted infections has helped lower my sexual thoughts.

I've heard that some foods may affect sex drive, but I'm not sure. There may also be certain foods that lower sex drive. I think these are aphrodisiacs and anaphrodisiacs. Again there isn't much solid science behind it. And even if there was, I wouldn't want to change my diet simply to lower my sex drive because I've found other ways to reduce it quite well.

I'm a 29 year old virgin.