Bad advice on the forum

100% correct!

The problem here is two fold. First, people seeking advice often do so for the benefit of their confirmation bias at the expense of a good healthy recovery protocol. Second, if they receive bad advice and follow it, it can have devastatingly bad consequences that end up destroying the relationship and then some psychological dysfunctions. Those are all created by the fucked up advice we receive.

I can't argue with this. However it is important to recognize that we aren't blaming anything on bad advice as much as we're trying to point out the bad advice when it presents itself. Then the dysfunctional person who provided it gets all butt hurt because someone dared challenge their fucked up advice. The people who provide it? Either they are just completely ignorant of the long term ramifications of it, or they know better, and they just don't care. I challenge bad advice all the time, and then I'm accused of being everything to a spawn of satan. And for that, I really don't care if it saves someone from a lifetime of aggravation because they followed them down a path of blissful ignorance.

Bad advice is rampant here. The people who are giving it are dysfunctional, argumentative, and haven't yet learned that their words, actions and behaviors are detrimental to the recovery of the person they are giving it to. I can accept that they are ignorant of the realities of addiction and betrayal trauma. What I can't accept is that some of them want to continue arguing over it, not because they are right, but because they have to have the last word. It's a clear indication that they are completely immersed in their own addiction along with many other signs and symptoms they exhibit. After all, this is the point of the thread, and the OP is right on point.

 

Incidentally, @Mr Eko, you blatantly ignored all of the positive comments I made that reinforced some of your comments. Nice of you to cherry pick that which you disagreed with, and then wanted to take the rules and well, you know...or maybe you don't.

Anyway, you're not as interested in what I had to say as you are the manner in which I said it. How politically correct of you. Again, have a nice day.

 

I never talk to people having no respect to me. It's utterly useless.

 

It’s interesting and refreshing that you understand a person can be sober but not in recovery, most on here seem to think abstaining is recovery. My husband was sober for 4 years then over a year on 2 different occasions. But recovery looks totally different, I see it far better than he does. In recovery he is a completely different man ( lol he’s a man, not a man child). In recovery his life is different. His relationships are different including with God. I’m curious, besides praying, did you go to 12 step groups?

 

I'm talking to @Mr Eko PM as we speak. As long as we maintain open dialog, I'm certain we can make some real progress here. I know he took what I said personally, but it isn't personal. It's meant to be a wake up call, not only for him, but anyone else who has a similar philosophy, for it is not OK. We both know that changing the whole mindset is a game changer for recovery.

For all of you who perceived my response as a personal attack, it isn't. It is a dissenting opinion. I would challenge you to look at it objectively and understand why you perceive it as a personal attack. Think long and hard, because this is deep seated in you, internal wounds, that you need to identify and process. If you don't, you will continue to have adverse reactions towards anyone who disagrees with your world view. Contrary to popular opinion of an addict, you're not always right, and in fact, you're almost always wrong. If you try to defend it, it is not an indication of recovery, but an indication of an active addiction.

Just be receptive to it and ask for help. There is no shame in that. In fact it's noble of you.

 

Yes, I did to one but only 13 or so times because I felt I didn't need the meetings because as I went there for the first time I had already been 3 years sober and I had effective working ways to come out from my bad thoughts, anxiety, emotions.... I had already known what to do, where were my weak points, what should I change and work on. As I was there for the first time, in the break time a dry alcoholic said to me: what you said I heard it on my many therapies.

But I regret that I hadn't decided to go to such 12 step meeting when I was at the beginning and really didn't know what to do, what works, where is the core of the addiction etc. I think I lost some years before I found the way out and this way could be shown to me ready by sober addicts on the meeting and on therapies which in my country are even free.

 

I wouldn't worry so much about being gay or not anyway, I'd rather worry about being addicted ...

 

I actually agree with this. I think worrying about sexuality could just be another anxiety that makes you more likely to relapse. Although I completely understand why this stresses people out so much.

 

If the post you're referring to is something I can't see, does that mean it's someone Ice already set to ignore I wonder?