Made it to 90 days again

I posted this on my journal, but I feels like it fits here as well:

Time to update here. My last post was on Feb 2022. I just didn´t want to fight this, I would be fucking lying if I said that I struggled. Like everytime, I say that "one more time" won't affect me, and that "one more time" became months of the same shit. The consequences:

*More lethargy: Not only I stopped working out, I just did not want to get out of bed until it was time to eat breakfast or go to the bathroom, not even making my bed.

*Feel and being disrespected: For some reason even jokes feel personal, and, specially at work , some dudes just went bully mode (we are all over 30 for fuck's sake) and I just had to cut almost all communication and only respond to them if it was work related.

*Deppressed all the time: Yeah, you know the stuff.

*Being invisible: You have exprienced this too, it's no one registers your presence, even people that know you don't even notice you are there.

And so on, I know that I'm missing a lot of stuff but I'm sure that you know what I'm talking about, and yes, it's awful. I didn't want to post here until I had at least 90 days under my belt, and today is the day. I just felt that one month was not enough for me, yes, it is a great streak and very few people can achieve it, but I feel like even 3 months are nothing if I want to feel "healed".

Although I feel a lot better compared to a few months ago, I'm still flatling and by that I mean that my dick is mostly dead. Now, this is "good" and I will try to take advantage of it. Let me explain: I have ended a couple of NoFap streaks because I didnt feel the benefits, boners included, which is completely stupid because PMO is the reason why I'm in this situation in the first place. Now even though that I would welcome raging boners every morning and those random woodys during the day, the fact that I'm not feeling urges means that I can go longer on My NoFap journey without that distraction. And here's the thing, it's still there, if I PMO I will recover them, but for how long? Once the novelty of it wears out you are back to day one, so no thanks.

Not everything is bad though, I think the problem is also thinking that all my others streaks have been smotth sailing and I tend to forget how hard this thing is. All others streaks I've had periods when I feel like absolute dogshit, not even one has been perfect and no one will ever be, but I know it's worth it. Want to stop reading about depressing stuff and read something more positive? Let's list some benefits:

*Much more energy: Lately I feel the need to work out more. Sometimes, if I have the time, want to work out twice a day. I make my bed everyday. I take long walks with my dog almost everyday. Lately I want to wake up earlier to try to learn things, like drawing(With mixed results, sometimes I just wake up at 9 AM and theres not much I can do).

*Feel more respected: My coworkers now that to me with respect, the ones I stopped talking to now want to talk with me again ina a friendly way, jokes are just that, they don't hurt me the way they used to.

*Less brain fog: Specially if I slept well the night before. I can communicate a lot better in english and spanish and I stammer a lot less.

*Better diet: Not a perfect diet, but better. I still eat junk food but i'ts only a cgeat meal a week. I'm more muscular but I also gained a lot of fat. I will try to eat a little bit less to lose that belly fat.

*Magnetism: This one is the weirdest, that felling of being invisible just goes away. Neighbours start to say hello again and they stop to have conversations out of the blue. Old friends and acquaintances, in person and online want to chat and know how I've been doing. Men look at you with less hostility, more like in a friendly manner. And women are in another level. I've talked a lot about this before, but it doesn't make any sense to me why they become so interested after some months of not ejaculating and not watching porn. I don't go out too much, I woprk from home and I'm still a little afraid of Covid, so mostly I did not have the opportunity to "test" female attraction, just when walked my dog. I'ts fucking weird, two days ago I was anxious because I made an appoinment to get a tatoo, that morning when I walked my dog women just flat out ignored me, and I knew that they were going to ignore me all day, so in a way I was prepared. The area of the tattoo studio is popular and it has a lot of people, I met one of my female friends there and I felt great just chatting with her, but as we were walking to a Sushi place it was like my magnetism was turned like a switch. One gay guy was talking loud about me (not directly at me but I was the only one there), when we were eating at the Sushi place, a 20 something year old girl was just looking at me, that 3 second look they give you. After a while she changed places with her friend, and she started looking at me the exact the same. That continued all day, the girls at the tattoo place were overly friendly and making excuses being around me. The women at a taco place after getting the tattoo all looking at me like they knew me. It's weird to me how that can change in just a few hours, but I'd be lying if I said it doesn't feel nice.

So yeah, I'm willing to continue this path on post more often after this. Even though the flatline has meke it easier, it's still difficult. But I need and will continue, we all deserve better lives. I hope your day gets better, I love all of you that also want to improve yourselves.

 

Your know your movies, thank you sir!

 

Exactly, it's really weird how that happens and I don't have an explanation for it. At this point I don't really need one, I just know that it works. I'm glad you found this helpful, we are in this together brother.