Being Ready

Kubrick · Oct 6, 2015

Hi there, I posted this question on the thread where the expert was taking questions, but I want to ask it again because i want to know everyone else's opinions.

I know I'm not ready yet, but I eventually want to pursue a woman romantically and intimately. I've only been 10 days PMO free, and I don't feel at all comfortable with pursuing a relationship with a woman yet, but I don't know when I should start. I'm trying not to focus on this question right now because focusing on being free from pornography and masturbation is the top priority for me right now. I know that God will give me wisdom about this question when the time is more appropriate, but I'd like to know all of your opinions. Thank you.

Cyrus the Virus · Oct 8, 2015

You will be ready when you are ready, and only you will know when that time is. It is very smart of you to wait until you are confident with your rebooting progress. I keep having to remind myself that there is no such thing as a "correct time" to start a relationship. There may be such a thing as "too early" but it's never "too late". The right time for all of us comes when we are ready, whenever that may be.

My own desire for an intimate relationship was a significant reason for me to start a NoFap reboot. I had a strong feeling that my PMOing could prevent me from having a successful relationship with a woman. Over the course of my reboot I have learned that this was true, PMO and relationships are a very dangerous combination.

Kubrick · Oct 8, 2015

Cyrus the Virus said: ↑

You will be ready when you are ready, and only you will know when that time is. It is very smart of you to wait until you are confident with your rebooting progress. I keep having to remind myself that there is no such thing as a "correct time" to start a relationship. There may be such a thing as "too early" but it's never "too late". The right time for all of us comes when we are ready, whenever that may be.

My own desire for an intimate relationship was a significant reason for me to start a NoFap reboot. I had a strong feeling that my PMOing could prevent me from having a successful relationship with a woman. Over the course of my reboot I have learned that this was true, PMO and relationships are a very dangerous combination.
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Thanks for the reply. It's a very individual question. I'll keep truckin' and see where life takes me.

Handzfree · Oct 8, 2015

Cyrus has it covered.... you'll know when it's time! First off, you'll be past the dramatic urges. Oh you'll still feel some stuff, but it won't dominate you. In fact, it'll be like background noise at a party, you know it's there, but it's irrelevant. You'll also have your life back together... you'll be doing the things you really like to do (and PMO isn't one of them). Finally, you'll bump into someone that you find interesting. You won't look at her like a piece of meat or challenge to be conquered. Instead, you 'll be intrigued to hear about her and what she is all about.

Again... Cyrus is right... You're wise to realize that a PMO reboot and new relationship is beyond the means of most people. At this point, your reclaiming your life, who you are, where you are going and what you will be. Best wishes on the journey. HF.

Kubrick · Oct 9, 2015

Handzfree said: ↑

Cyrus has it covered.... you'll know when it's time! First off, you'll be past the dramatic urges. Oh you'll still feel some stuff, but it won't dominate you. In fact, it'll be like background noise at a party, you know it's there, but it's irrelevant. You'll also have your life back together... you'll be doing the things you really like to do (and PMO isn't one of them). Finally, you'll bump into someone that you find interesting. You won't look at her like a piece of meat or challenge to be conquered. Instead, you 'll be intrigued to hear about her and what she is all about.

Again... Cyrus is right... You're wise to realize that a PMO reboot and new relationship is beyond the means of most people. At this point, your reclaiming your life, who you are, where you are going and what you will be. Best wishes on the journey. HF.
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So I told my ex girlfriend I was struggling with porn after we broke up because I felt like she should know for some reason. In hindsight I wish I wouldn't have told her to make splitting up easier, however she's the one who later told me how much me telling her I looked at porn hurt her, and that I should get help, and how that it's a really serious problem. So I actually don't think it was bad at all that I told her. I am still confused about whether I truly love her, her kindness through all of this really makes me love who she is so much more, but we never talk or see each other so I don't have that normal interaction to go off of. I really want to tell her my progress when I get to 1 month of no PMO, because she's the one who originally told me to get help, and I know that she really cares about me. But should I just not tell her and let us have our space so that we can both heal properly? I want to tell her my progress, but I don't want to hurt things past where they are.

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Being Ready

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Handzfree Distinguished Fapstronaut

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