An Overdue Change

Hi and welcome @skunk1234 !
1. What's your reason for wanting to quit MO/PMO?
2. What have you read on the subject?
3. What's your plan for not relapsing?
First, start reading two books: "Breaking the Cycle" (http://amzn.to/1LQu3iv) and "The Porn Trap" (http://amzn.to/1QS9l6g). The first one is a jewel in terms of understanding your addiction.
Second, visit the Starter's Kit, which is an unofficial compilation of step by step guides on where to begin and what to do: http://bit.ly/1OtdCxh
Third, read carefully the documents under my signature.
Although you need to find the approach that works best for you, you're going to find a pattern in all succesful rebooters. If most of us do the same things in our recoveries (cold showers, exercise, meditation, etc) it's because they work.
You need also to be accountable. Start posting on your journal and commenting on other people's journals.

 

Something that I feel is important is not to get caught up in goals etc. by setting a goal of say 30/60 days, you're not going to be magically cured after that point. You have to make the decision to quit porn for good and move on with life.

Once you realise how much it's ruining your life, you can understand how you have to leave it behind. Good luck and stay strong.

 

"I am relying on my will power to stop relapsing"
Be careful with that, as willpower alone tends to be insufficient. I see willpower as a limited source of energy, as your gas tank. You're going to run out of gas if you keep going and going...

To better explain what I mean, let's use @cpf's journal:

QUOTE BEGINS
A common theme on this board is time......specifically, we all look back in amazement (horror?) at the amount of time we spent (wasted) chasing our addiction......chasing the high. I certainly realized right away once I stopped, that it consumed massive amounts of my time. But here is the thing......I didn't immediately REGAIN that time in my life, b/c to be frank I was spending about as much time FIGHTING MY URGES!!

It was that realization that led me to: NO MORE, NEVER AGAIN, NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, NOT AN OPTION as my philosophy, my method. My philosophy basically turned into a list....I call it the verboten list (meaning "forbidden" for those of you who don't know German.....somehow it helps me to imagine my list being held by some strict German army commander!!). The verboten list is the things I just will not do.....it is long, detailed and clear....besides all the obvious (no P, no MO, no PMO, nothing at all that can be classified as infidelity), I have also begun to add "softer" elements to the list: no "soft" P, no internet searching for "pretty" women. I'm sure the list will continue to grow and be more detailed and specific. But when something makes the verboten list...it STAYS THERE.

And magically, this is when I regained the lost time......all of the sudden I didn't spend tons of time FIGHTING the urges.....I didn't spend time debating with my self if I would or would not masturbate. If I have an urge or am feeling emotional, the FIRST THING I DO is reference the verboten list. If I can immediately bring myself to the this conclusion: "I feel like shit......I am feeling horny ....I feel like I "deserve" something.....I know I can't MO, PMO, etc b/c it is on the verboten list", then I am in the mental position to just accept that it is a bad moment, or a bad hour, or a bad day.....but its just not worth DWELLING on b/c I've already made up my mind....I can't violate the verboten list. So why bore myself spending hours dwelling on a path that I can't take?

I guess the "art" in all of this is believing in your verboten list. If you put things on it that you aren't COMMITTED to putting down forever, then I guess it won't work. For instance, if I tell myself that after 365 days of no PMO that I intend to allow MO again, then I really can't put MO on the verboten list b/c I don't really mean it. I WANT to dwell on MO b/c I KNOW (eventually) that I am going to do it again......I have made that choice already and my addicted mind will start to try to rationalize (see post about rationalization above) and get me to do it sooner.....now my addicted brain is ENGAGED in trying to get me to MO now.....now (from my addicts perspective) it is WORTH THE TIME to wallow in the "struggle" b/c there is a chance.....maybe a small chance, but a chance that I will cave in BEFORE my year is done. But if I commit to forever.....If I put things on the verboten list, the my addict realizes very quickly that it is wasting time trying to rationalize with me, b/c I made the list. I know what I WON'T DO. Sure, I have all sorts of feelings, wants, desires, moods, but it can't rationalize with me b/c I won't do the things on that list.......and then? PRESTO.....I HAVE GAINED BACK MY TIME B/C MY ADDICT GIVES UP WAAAAYYY MORE QUICKLY!!

Again, this may seem like a distinction without a difference, but for me it was a material shift in my journey. It has changed the nature of the struggle forever, and it has helped me begin to reclaim all of that lost time......and that in turn is turning me into a better person, which is, in turn, making me MORE committed to the verboten list.......and the virtuous cycle continues.
QUOTE ENDS

For me it has helped a lot to have a very detailed list of the DOs and DON'Ts. I believe that's the main idea behind Solideo's idea: http://nofapsolideo.wordpress.com/2...ut-breaking-a-sweat-after-7-years-of-failure/

Check also http://www.mindfulness.org.au/urge-surfing-relapse-prevention/

 

Certainly some interesting points made here.