Hey @brswea I've found myself obsessing over those topics as well. I've put all those kinds of fetishes into one category called "stuff I shouldn't watch." I've found that no matter the topics or type of P I'm watching the pattern is the same. Spoiler: TRIGGER ALERT: Description of Topics If it's cuckold, BNWO, Big Boobs, Huge Dicks, Bi, Trans, Straight, Gay, spanking, etc. It all just becomes one trip down the goon hole for me. So, my experience is to lump all PMO together and just stay away from it. I am not perfect at it. I have tried, failed, tried, and then found myself to be very trying. But, my goal is to get rid of PMO 100pct.
Am I a Sissy?? (Actually a good story with happy ending, trust me, read the whole thing) The same way as everyone else.
Therapy, positive affirmations, meditation, kind self talk and encouragement. And you’ll be able to be aroused and still say I’m not putting up with this abuse and turn it off. They’re just fuct up narcissists wanting to dump their pain on others. And you have a lot of negative core beliefs, maybe shame, guilt etc and feel the need to be punished subconsciously. So you use something that affirms these beliefs which weirdly gives you a rush and temporary escape from your mind but takes you down even lower fuelling the cycle to feel shit and punish yourself again. Look into your eyes in the mirror And tell yourself you are a good person and will beat this crap you dont deserve to be punished. Or whatever you feel like a friend that you were helping needs to hear. Work out where you need work and build yourself up. Mine was anxiety so started going to meetings and groups and learning to talk infront of a room full of people. Also quitting drinking got rid of a lot of mental noise and feeling crap. After repetition it doesn’t make sense for a Girl or video to tell You your a sissy or looser when you’ve been reprogramming yourself
I would also recommend positive reinforcement through your favourite action films or films were the character Has the sort of traits that you want to develop. Watch these films in a loop for reinforcement. It helps at the beginning to have your subconscious absorb some more desirable characteristics. A loop of stotic films where the main character had to over come great odds to achieve his goal. The best athletes and thier autobiography, the war films , revolutionaries,Che, leaders in business, godfather 1,2 scarface 4 fun or what ever gives off a positive vibe . Examples of strength , respect honor, purpose. I could name a few but you get the point . The idea is to keep feeding your subconscious examples of self respect confidence, integrity . There's also alot of good books to read as well that will help. It's all about how you identify your self . See your self as a Boss on a mission with a purpose who overcomes all challenges, a real badass so you will no longer identify with anything less than the best The secret to the mind - As we see, we do Hope that helped
the intensity of my addiction has reduced. i dont binge on hardcore porn as much as i used to. earlier whenever i was alone i'd jump to watch porn. now i dont. idk what helped. could be therapy, learning a foreign language, playing chess, it all adds up i guess. i still watch porn but not hardcore n its less frequent. n havent relapsed to hardcore porn in over a month.
Good going pal. Mine has improved with less damaging stuff but still have been in some messy situations. The humiliation and sissy hypno stuff has stopped. I was viewing this then go off to be abused by a trans escorts. Then more sissy porn just to ruin me even more maybe 2-3 days of this poppers wine hypno audio porn whilst on journeys to these escorts. Till I either smashed my phone or threw my laptop in the river. And felt suicidal. Now no main pornsites at all. But occasional YouTube soft stuff. Every few weeks the need for a trans escort would become really intense and I’d find a way of unblocking devices and go and see 1-3 depending on if I found them attractive. But it’s been a lot less in an abusive submissive style. But still wish it had never become a habit. I’d remeber the best bits and forget all the pain. On an ok roll atm. The the last trans esc I got half way through the session and stopped and said that’s it I’m not doing this to myself anymore. I don’t deserve to punish myself and told her that her customers were sick when he tried to convince me it was normal. The urges flared up really bad 2 days ago so went to SLA and then next day felt so calm and positive. Last night somehow they crept back telling me you’re in a good place now it will be fun. The thought of unblocking my phone and causing a lot of anger and disappointment with my dad who’d put locks on made me double think about it. I got off to a asmr on YouTube and realised how much I loved the female form, cleanliness and beauty. That hidden masculine energy under make up is not a mythical sexual fantasy creature but a messed up guy messing others up.
Why do I find it so addictive? I think there’s a self harm element to it and it provides an anxious rush. I joined SLA but they tell you you’re powerless and will never beat sex addiction! So why try? Is it a fetish is it self harm is it an addiction, a compulsion, self regulating adhd? can I beat it do I surrender. Surely if you can beat drugs, cigs and alcohol Addictions it can be beat? Surely people have stopped self harming? It’s certainly isn’t a gay thing as I look for the most female ones, If I find anything (nearly anything) masculine it sends me running. Yet I remember the few best experiences, not the awful ones or the times I leave feeling disgusted!
I seem to have been clean for 50 days now - never thought I could! Mine was usually being dommed by a gay master… who would humiliate me for his pleasure… including mild hypnosis so I recognise myself in a lot of what you say. I had the same - he’d tell me it was good for me. Whenever I tired to quit he’d tell me I couldn’t as it was always inside me… I recall him telling me it was flowing in my blood. I was just a sub and couldn’t avoid it. right now, I’m 50 days clean and feel on top of the world! I couldn’t believe I could have done this a few months ago but it’s totally awesome! Hope I can hold this steady up to 90… and then make plans for the future from there. But it can be done. Stay strong buddies and you can do this and find a better life!
Amazing work dude, wry inspirational. I’m starting work with Elevated recovery as well as all my other recovery routines so feel positive about putting all this behind me. It’s disgusting to know there’s people out there that are happy to destroy lives so blatantly for power and money. They end up poisoning their own lives as well though I guess
To be honest… I think I feel sorry for some of them! I think you have to get to a pretty low point to do what some of them do! And looking back - his need for me was pretty high! I just didn’t see it at the time! I’d say he was every bit as addicted as I was!
the people involved in making the p0rn are actually beggars; they need hand-outs from men they already consider losers to survive. no costumers= no money at all, since they dont have much of any other skill. see the situation like this- the tables have turned! its about perspective, in this case
Humiliation (both being recipient and observing voyhueristically) has definitely been at the core of my viewing + sex worker experience-seeking. As @Wave tamer and others say, it does give a rush of dopamine if we somehow get tuned into that niche frequency. Consistently i've spent my whole life in the gym, or doing fitness, or even cosmetic stuff, all to try and feel better and confident about myself... but all the secrets and shadows in my past from exploring and binging on humiliation stuff probably just counteracts the life improvements i've tried to make. The thing that has changed for me is realising that it is a trap, it is all fake and it is incredibly hard to find enjoyment out of this stuff with a partner who isn't a masochist or has a pathological disorder of some kind. They are all actors or puppets, and most are money motivated as a priority. Going to SAA has been the single-most helpful thing to get me to where I am now, moving far away from the content and IRL experiences I was seeking. Being able to sit in a physical space and listen, learn and share without judgement (away from a computer screen) was incredibly humbling and liberating ;-) Good luck and prosperity on your journeys against the psychological prison system that is fetish porn!